The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home Archives for 2007

Archives for 2007

Logan-El Bails

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Well, one of our great hopes for the sadly deficient offensive line has bitten the dust. After weeks of speculation and Internet bullshit, the truth finally emerged from University Park—Antonio Logan-El has left the team. The highly touted five-star recruit is gone and won’t be coming back.

“Yes, it is true, I am done playing football at Penn State,” he said. “There is a chance that I go somewhere else to ball because I am a football player and I love the game. Things just didn’t go the way me and my family wanted.”

Yeah, well “me and my family” isn’t scholars—that’s for sure. But we don’t need grammarians. We need hired hands to build an offensive line. The brightest (OK, poor choice of words) of the prospects is out the door. Now what?

Rosie’s Not An Idiot

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Rosie O’Donnell, a formerly funny comedian, who a while ago took over for Meredith Viera on ABC’s daytime soft-news/interview show The View, has been using that forum to spout off her irrational anti-Administration diatribe. Rosie’s mind is obviously defective, but her big mouth has been effective in overshadowing her softer-spoken colleagues on the show, particularly Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who appears to possess a superior intellect. (She’s also totally hot, or maybe it’s just that she’s improbably blonde and smart—whatever.) Disney/ABC should have canned Rosie long ago for her wacko crap, but apparently, they don’t mind a little notariety. Well, maybe they will, now that Rosie has indicted them as one of the four “big corporations that control the media in this country”—this, when she told her audience to go outside the U.S. for news about our country.

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Handicapping the Candidates

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OK, so I was bored and decided to create the odds for the 2008 presidential race. Yeah, I know, not all of these people have declared their candicacy and there’s the omnipresent possibility that a Draft Howard Stern movement will gain momentum. On the other hand, I thought I would throw these people’s names up in the air and see where they landed. Consider this the opinion of one Turkey, and feel free to disagree with any of my implications.

Democrats
Odds Candidate Comments
4-5 Hillary Clinton Wins easily unless pulls up lame (no pun intended).
3-1 Barak Obama Early speed; doubtful if can go the distance.
8-1 John Edwards Did well as stable entry in 2004.
10-1 Al Gore Should be running at Hollywood Park.
15-1 Joe Biden A legend in his own mind.
20-1 Christopher Dodd Not enough leg to gain ground on the lead mare.
30-1 Dennis Kucinich Neighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Needs to be reined in.
75-1 Wesley Clark Can bother lead runners.
99-1 Mike Gravel Too long in the tooth. Too bad.
99-1 Bill Richardson Spanish stallion might surprise with Hispanic vote on his side.
99-1 Al Sharpton No chance for nomination, but would offer comic relief in dull debates.

 

Republicans
Odds Candidate Comments
5-2 Rudy Giuliani Early front-runner.Can rabbit Rudy persevere?
3-1 Mitt Romney Can hold his own in this company.
5-1 John McCain Has spent years trying to break into this circuit but always gives ground.
15-1 Newt Gingrich Will missteps hurt his chances?
20-1 Fred Thompson Recognizable name and face. Sam Waterston for VP?
30-1 George Pataki Big and tough. Might surprise.
50-1 Tommy Thompson Former governor and minor cabinet member always has a shot.
50-1 Mike Huckabee A former Arkansas governor for president? Are you kidding?
50-1 Chuck Hagel Could split from pack.
75-1 Tom Tancredo Favorite of old-line railbirds.
99-1 Sam Brownback Will peter out early.
99-1 John Cox Fair Tax man has lots of money, but no legs.
99-1 Jim Gilmore No chance.
99-1 Duncan Hunter Anti-illegal immigration activist can’t run with this crowd.
99-1 Ron Paul Would run well on Libertarian track. Not in this company.
99-1 Fred Phelps Republican answer to Al Sharpton. Also ran.
99-1 Michael Savage If this horse’s ass wins this race, I’ll kiss that ass in Macy’s window.