The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home 2008 Archives for March 2008

Archives for March 2008

Spring Practice Roster Reveals Quasi-Surprises

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Let’s start out with the bad boys—those whose names made the papers and the trial dockets.

Among the missing are Chris Bell, Andrew Quarless, Phillip Taylor, Chris Baker, Navorro Bowman, and Knowledge Timmons. This might or might not mean that they’re off the team, as Joe has demonstrated in similar instances of the past. Willie Harriott, Tyrell Sales, and Anthony Scirrotto are on the spring roster, so being a linebacker or being in the short-staffed defensive secondary obviously helps.

There have been some number changes, too. Notable are Justin King’s #1 going to A.J. Wallace and #4 going to Knowledge Timmons, if he ever gets back on the team. It is presumed that he chose the number because of its representation of the Figure Four, a famous submission hold in professional wrestling.

Kristy Raises Flag, Saves Butt…

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…and a delectable butt it is! Kristy Lee Cook, the American Idol wannabe who I’ve been giving the boot for the past three weeks saved her ass with a decent performance of Lee Greenwood’s Proud to Be an American. So, her tall blondness is safe for yet another week. But who goes?

It won’t be Michael Johns, the Australian Atlantan, who pulls out Queen when he needs to save his own ass, and he did, and he did.

It sure as hell won’t be David Cook, whose unique performance of Billie Jean left no one wanting to hear that freak who made a hit out of its original version 2o-some years ago and it left the judges cooing and raving about Cook’s genius.

It definitely won’t be David Archuleta—just because he has 100% of the 9-17 year-old demographic sewn up and he can sometimes sing, too.

It probably won’t be Brooke White, who did Every Breath You Take and sounded pretty good.

I don’t think it should be Chikezie just because Randy thinks he did an 80s soul song in an 80s manner. His voice is a wonderful and powerful instrument. He sang an old song with feeling.

Not Syesha Mercado, either. She of the pretty smile delivered a serviceable Whitney-style performance of If I Were Your Woman. I don’t like listening to all the Whitney Houston clones out there, but the performance will save her for another week.

Dum-de-dum-dum. Here’s your Bottom Three:

Would Carly Smithson please step down on stage. Carly, you sang Total Eclipse of the Heart. Judges thought it was the wrong song for you and it missed the mark. This Turkey thinks that it is hard to shake the mental image of Bonnie Tyler’s original performance while watching Carly do her sort of workmanlike rendition. She’s a legend in her own mind, but she’s…moving on to the next round. You are safe, Carly.

Ramiele Malubay, little girl with big voice, you sang Alone. You were the lead-off hitter and you weren’t feeling well. The judges thought you sucked. The Turkey thinks you should move on to next week with that powerful voice of yours.

Jason Castro, you sang Fragile. Judges thought it was dull. This Turkey thinks that you are a nice kid, but you are too shy and lacking in personality to be a star. Furthermore, it was a fragile performance of Fragile. Jason, it’s the end of the road for you, guy, but you’ll be joining us for our Idol Tour.

America has voted and… (find out tonight).

Leo Durocher said it, Jason: Nice guys finish last. On this particular occasion, we’ll probably be saying goodbye to this nice guy. You’re a good kid and we’ll miss your weird hairdo, but you’re outta here!