Against the ludicrous backdrop of American Idol’s last year’s scourge, Sanjaya Malakar, coming back to sit in the audience like a bad penny (or a latter-day William Hung), along with a sleazily contrived movie promo that featured Jim Carrey dressed like an elephant popping up at every turn, we watched the first round of eliminations last week, in which the Top 12 were pared down to 11. Erstwhile male stripper David Hernandez was the first finalist to go byebye.
In this Turkey’s opinion, Hernandez’ performance was superior to those of Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado, but perhaps that opinion reflects the Turkey’s legendary male Chauvinism. In any case, while it is possible that the nefarious information about Hernandez stripping for pay in front of a male audience cost him some votes, his overblown performance last Tuesday surely did not improve his chances with the voting public.
The results show featured a weird performance by last year’s beatboxer, Blake Lewis. Perhaps I just don’t like that kind of novelty crap. However, former Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee also was featured along with David Foster, and McPhee’s legs and butt are better than ever. I approve of the selection of a silver sequined, mid-thigh bottomed sheath for her outfit. It showed off all her star attributes, with which she should have beaten flash-in-the-pan Taylor Hicks that night a couple of years ago. Something must have been in the water when America voted.
This week we once again will be viewing performances from the Lennon-McCartney songbook. In other words, the producers paid dearly for the rights to use it and they’ll damn well milk it for all they can. C’mon folks, ask for yet one more week—Paul needs the money, given that the divorce buy ambien zolpidem settlement totaled about $44 million.
I am hoping for a strong performance tonight by Ramiele Malubay (who says she’s from Miramar, Florida, but the Orlando Sentinel has claimed her as our own). Ramiele has a big voice for a little girl, but she has slipped in recent weeks from looking at one point as if she could win it all. Self-confidence might be an issue with her. From the guys, I was really energized by Chikezie’s imaginatively produced and delivered number last week, and hope for more of the same this week. I am further hoping for a nice, revealing, form fitting outfit for this Turkey’s favorite blond equestrian eye candy, Kristy Lee Cook, as this could well be her last week. (You know what “they” say about too many cooks…) If Kristy’s number isn’t up, Syesha better hope that her very pretty and electric smile saves her fine ass for another week.
I would look for some hard rocking stylings by David Cook and Amanda Overmyer. They’re the edgy ones in this year’s final group.
Oh, and David Archuleta will certainly survive at least several more weeks, inasmuch as the pre-pubescent and early teen girls comprising a large segment of the voting audience are solidly in his camp. His singing had been solid up to the past couple of weeks, but confidence issues suddenly might be getting in the way.
It remains to be seen whether Paula will be lucid or out of it; whether Simon Cowell will spend the evening Scowelling; and whether Seacrest will continue to throw instigating barbs at Simon. If you didn’t read last week’s column, I likened the judges to children: Fat Albert, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and Eddie Haskell.
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The Redhead says
Hey Turkey! Is this where we’re meeting?
The Nittany Turkey says
This must be da place.
The Nittany Turkey says
The costume department is working overtime.
The Redhead says
Good evening, Turkey–it’s good to be back!
I’m a HUGE Beatles fan so don’t mess with me 🙂
I have mixed feelings about AI doing The Beatles. It’s sort of demeaning.
The Redhead says
To the band.
The Nittany Turkey says
I tend to agree with you on that. And Amanda isn’t singing the right song for her.
The Redhead says
I think she’s okay, however I don’t think she and the band are on the same page. In fact, I think the band sucks.
The Nittany Turkey says
She needs to do minor key stuff.
The Redhead says
She’s doing the song the way she thinks she should do it to be “cool.”
The Nittany Turkey says
I wonder who does the arrangements for the band.
The Redhead says
It was contrived.
The Nittany Turkey says
And Paula, when the sun shines, it doesn’t rain.
The Redhead says
I agree with Simon–and this is the first time I’ve seen Amanda!
The Nittany Turkey says
Amanda WILL become boring because of her sameness week to week. Point made, Simon.
The Redhead says
Ah, but Turkey, in Florida, the sun and the rain often coincide.
The Nittany Turkey says
She was in a Janis groove for quite a while.
The Redhead says
Yeah–Amanda’s style sounds like what you’d hear in a bar.
The Nittany Turkey says
Amanda is a nurse who delivers portable medical devices to old codgers like me.
The Redhead says
But that’s not always a bad thing. I’ve seen some great bar bands.
The Redhead says
What kind of “portable devices?”
Poopy kind???
The Nittany Turkey says
Coming up: perhaps our last look at Kristy Lee Cook. I didn’t like the outfit, though.
The Nittany Turkey says
No, like oxygen thingies and the like.
The Nittany Turkey says
Jesus, Shaq…is THIS what it’s come to?
The Redhead says
Is Kristie your hottie?
The Redhead says
I missed the Shaq thing–what happened?
The Nittany Turkey says
He was in a vitamin water commercial…as a jockey.
The Redhead says
She’s going to sink this song.
The Nittany Turkey says
It’s already better than last week.
The Redhead says
This song has drama written into it–it does not need the added histrionics.
Oops, flat note.
The Nittany Turkey says
Check those legs.
The Redhead says
I really don’t like this interp. of the song.
The Nittany Turkey says
It’s about 300% better than last week.
The Redhead says
Yeah, yeah, the legs.
The Redhead says
Ah, the way she looks tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
Hypnosis. Yeah, that’s it.
The Redhead says
Wow–is it true, those things Simon is saying?
The Redhead says
Hang on to your socks, Ben!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
And now the 17 year-old who looks 13: our Bar Mitzvah boy, David Archuleta.
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s got the 11 year-old vote wrapped up.
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s a good singer, but he needs a five o’clock shadow and a couple scars to be believable.
The Redhead says
It’s a bit smooth but I like what he’s doing for the most part. This is a hard song to sing, even for McCartney. I think he’s doing a good job, and with feeling.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, David will get lots of votes for that (and the other thing).
The Nittany Turkey says
Wonderful, purity, rise above adversity, reveals character.
The Redhead says
I like what Paula said.
The kid did good.
The Nittany Turkey says
He looks stunned? No, he looks 12.
The Redhead says
Yeah, he really looks young!
The Nittany Turkey says
The Aussie from Atlanta is next. He’s good looking and entertaining, but not spectacular. Neither spectacularly good nor spectacularly bad.
The Redhead says
So, Turkey–I think it’s fitting we have another Beatles night since the Mac/Mills divorce has finally been “officially” setttled.
Poor Paul. He’ll never be rid of her.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, like was that &*$@&(@ worth $44 million?
The Redhead says
Heather’s a nut job.
Why oh why didn’t he sign a pre-nup???
The Redhead says
This is a bunch of bullshit. I cannot believe the powers that be are allowing one of these kids to do A Day in the Life.’
I am NOT amused.
The Redhead says
This song meant something…now it’s been reduced to this.
The Nittany Turkey says
You tell ’em. A strongly worded letter to Nigel Lithgoe will do.
The Redhead says
He sort of reminds me of Jim Morrison.
The Nittany Turkey says
A little pitchy in places. (Not the song but the whining from 700 Euclid.)
The Redhead says
Who is Nigel Lithgoe?
This guy is a teen hearthrob.
The Nittany Turkey says
OK…let him have it. Go Patti.
The Redhead says
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, simon wouldn’t understand.
The Redhead says
Right on, Simon! It is a complicated song and isn’t meant for this type of performance.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon, however, speakum truth.
The Redhead says
Wow—control is slipping away.
The Redhead says
Please don’t vote until the end of the show.
The Nittany Turkey says
Brooke White…the nanny turned singer. She’s a Carly Simon type.
The Redhead says
Are you there, Turkey?
The Nittany Turkey says
And I’m James Taylor.
The Nittany Turkey says
Why? Did I go somewhere?
The Redhead says
There’s also a singer by the name of “Carly” tonight, right?
I thought much of James Taylor’s output was insipid. And Carly Simon was striking and had a great voice but turned out to be a self-centered pain in the ass which eventually equalled BORING.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, Carly is the Irish babe from San Diego with the tattoos.
The Redhead says
Yikes! Look at the 80s hair-do!
The Nittany Turkey says
You’re so vain
you problee think this song is aboutya
The Nittany Turkey says
INCOMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
The Redhead says
It’s a good song and hard to ruin.
If it wasn’t such a good song her performance would get a thorough “thumbs down.”
The Nittany Turkey says
Some kinds 1968 go-go outfit.
The Redhead says
Not good.
The Nittany Turkey says
She has nice knees.
The Redhead says
Paula sure does sparkle tonight!
The Nittany Turkey says
She must have drunk some battery acid.
The Redhead says
She needs to shut up!
It’s okay.
We get it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Brooke baby…do what you do.
The Redhead says
Who is up next, Ben-o-rem-o?
The Nittany Turkey says
Official Turkey book on David Cook: Scruffy. Needs new haircut. But can rock. Been known to pick wrong song, but also known to take a song and make it his own. Sometimes performs with guitar. Attitude sometimes sucks, but hell, he’s a musician. What do you expect?
The Nittany Turkey says
David is definitely not a flatliner. He’s either good or bad, but never ordinary.
The Redhead says
The Beatles didn’t pose when they performed this–they sang, straight and true–it was authentic.
This guy is a poser.
The Redhead says
What a fake.
The Nittany Turkey says
LOL
The Redhead says
Take the one way ticket to the backstage area–and stay there.
The Nittany Turkey says
😀
The Nittany Turkey says
I thought that was pretty damn good.
The Nittany Turkey says
Call McCartney and get his opinion.
The Redhead says
Thank you, Simon.
He does look smug.
He looked pissed. Who does this kid think he is? He’s got to learn a bit, doesn’t he, luv?
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, wait…he’s in the poorhouse.
The Nittany Turkey says
I like his edge. A little cockiness is refreshing from these jokers.
The Redhead says
Hey, Carly is coming up!
The Nittany Turkey says
She has a tattoo of a face on her arm. But she can sing.
The Redhead says
Edge is good, but this guy seems like an a—h—.
The Nittany Turkey says
She’s a solid performer. It’s all in the song selection, but she’s usually chosen wisely.
The Redhead says
All right! Get Down, Carly!
The Nittany Turkey says
Tell MathDude that I’m overdue for lunch but the next couple of weeks are nigh on to impossible.
The Redhead says
Have you seen the pictures of Pauly out today? He’s not looking good. Poor chap has been through the ringer.
The Redhead says
You are a busy Turkey!
I’ll tell him.
Just don’t get over-cooked 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
Hell, he looked bad two years ago.
The Redhead says
I think Paula is pretty funny tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy’s wrist beads are very pretty.
The Nittany Turkey says
I would say it’s just a-ight. But then, I’m not Randy.
The Redhead says
The song is abridged so that doesn’t help.
She’s got a good voice but there’s nothing special in her rendition.
The Nittany Turkey says
She’s doing better now that she amped it up.
The Nittany Turkey says
She has good control and she’s technically sound, unlike some of them.
The Redhead says
These kids have learned from Whitney Houston and her ilk that it’s about The Voice and not The Song.
Wrong.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon is going to disagree.
The Nittany Turkey says
She should flip a bird at Simon.
The Redhead says
Way to go, Simon!
Okay, I get it, Carly…but that’s no excuse.
Predictable.
The Nittany Turkey says
Wonder who’s going to do the crap songs like Ooo-bla-dee and Yellow Submarine?
The Redhead says
I’m with Simon on this one.
The Redhead says
There are many more songs in that catelog–they never need dip into O-bla and Yellow Sub.
The Nittany Turkey says
OK. Wonder who’s gonna do Yesterchelle.
The Redhead says
On another topic:
My dogs have MAJOR gas issues.
Okay, guys–time to clear out of the room!
The Nittany Turkey says
Now, Jason Castro. He has some kinda hair.
The Nittany Turkey says
You been feeding them soybean protein?
The Redhead says
No soy but pumpkin.
Who is Jason?
How about Baby You’re a Rich Man, Too!
(suggested by Heather Mills.)
The Redhead says
Yikes.
The Nittany Turkey says
A-ha!
The Nittany Turkey says
Tres bien ensemble
The Nittany Turkey says
Sucks.
The Nittany Turkey says
Vous et miserable, Jason.
The Redhead says
Too much of a poser.
This is an ongoing problem.
The Nittany Turkey says
But Jason is shy and the little girlies like him.
The Redhead says
Somewhere, Beatles are either laughing…
or crying.
The Redhead says
Uh…DUH!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
We still have two potentially good ones in Chikezie and Ramiele. And I agree with Simon that too many Beatles songs is too many.
The Redhead says
It is damn weird!
Simon is right on it. The Beatles were about more than charm–
they were musicians and artists.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, jeez. Really laying it on. 🙂
The Redhead says
Who are these two–
Chikezie and Ramiele
???
The Nittany Turkey says
Now we have the completion of the Yesterchelle dyad.
The Redhead says
Is this is Yiddish thing–Yesterchelle?
The Nittany Turkey says
FOrgot all about Syesha Mercado. She’s pretty forgettable, except for her pretty smile. We don’t really need another Whitney who drank from Mariah’s glass by mistake.
The Nittany Turkey says
Chikezie is a Nigerian-American who is a lot of fun. He can sing, too. Ramiele is a Filipino-American who is 4’11” but with a huge voice you won’t believe can come from lungs that small.
The Nittany Turkey says
I don’t know what I think about Syesha doing Yesterday. I don’t think she can make it believable.
The Redhead says
Speaking of Mariah–did you hear that she recently used the word “dichotomy” in a sentence?
The Nittany Turkey says
Holy shit!!
The Nittany Turkey says
NICE OUTFIT, Syesha!!! 😀
The Redhead says
Someone needs to do Norwegian Wood.
Or how about Revolution No. 9.
The Nittany Turkey says
Someone should piss on the judges by doing “Good Vibrations.”
The Nittany Turkey says
It would help if she would sing it in tune without the runs and note shifts.
The Nittany Turkey says
Man does her syncopation suck! 🙁
The Nittany Turkey says
Now we get into the screaming shit.
The Redhead says
I don’t hate this. She’s inflecting it with some true emotion.
Not bad.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oops, I’m posting too fast. I like her looks. Don’t like her singing.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is irrelevant. She’ll never say anything bad.
The Redhead says
Paula is looking younger.
The Redhead says
Simon and I are on the same page.
The Nittany Turkey says
She probably got a body lift or something.
The Nittany Turkey says
That would be page 86?
The Nittany Turkey says
Beyoncaroo
The Redhead says
Beyoncaroo
???
Turkey, you have got to rent the movie, Once.
It’s great.
The Nittany Turkey says
I don’t like musicals.
The Redhead says
It’s nothing like that–at all. I don’t like musicals either. Trust me on this one.
The Nittany Turkey says
You sure it’s not like Hairspray?
The Redhead says
Not even in the most remote way.
The Redhead says
Not even like Hair Gel.
The Nittany Turkey says
Just kidding.
The Redhead says
This guy should be entertaining.
This is a good tune. Interesting choice.
The Nittany Turkey says
He starts slow but picks up, if he’s working his typical pattern.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah…do it, Keezie!
The Nittany Turkey says
Ben love Chikezie.
The Redhead says
Boring at the start.
He picked up the energy which was true to the song…but
a bit gimmicky.
The Redhead says
When he was singing, my dog Merlin got really freaked out and ran out of the room!!!!
The Redhead says
Thank you, Simon.
The voice of reason.
The Nittany Turkey says
You and Simon been drinking from the same mead cup.
The Redhead says
Ha, Simon agrees with me!
The Redhead says
Okay, Ben-O–who is the last performer?
The Nittany Turkey says
Ramiele batting cleanup. She better make it worth my waiting for her. She’s blown me away a few times, but the past few weeks she’s been off her game. Ill at ease, I think. She might not be emotionally suited to the rigors of the cruel music business.
The Redhead says
Who is? That’s why so many of them do drugs!
The Nittany Turkey says
I sing in the shower and I don’t need no steenking drugs.
The Redhead says
By the way, you have got to rent The Wire.
The Nittany Turkey says
Don’t need the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, either.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’ll put it on my list.
The Redhead says
Okay…here we go.
The Redhead says
Good song!
The Nittany Turkey says
Would help if she hit the notes.
The Redhead says
This is fun. She’s not doing a great job but she’s hanging in.
The Nittany Turkey says
It is not a good song for her, though. She didn’t do anything with it until the end.
The Redhead says
She’s a bit too timid with it.
The Redhead says
She is a cutie.
The Redhead says
When is the Dusty Springfield show?
That should be cool.
The Redhead says
Simon says.
The Nittany Turkey says
But she’s safe, because Kristy gave the least memorable performance of the night and even her tall blondeness won’t save her.
The Nittany Turkey says
Someone did Dusty in the early rounds and nailed the song.
The Nittany Turkey says
I guess the rugrat had the best performance of the night.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think it was Carly Smithson who did the Dusty song.
The Redhead says
My votes:
David (not Cook)…Syesha…Ramiele.
And Brooke.
Maybe not the best vocalists but they had heart.
The Nittany Turkey says
You gotta have heart.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m signing off. Back to work.
The Redhead says
G’night Turkey! See you tomorrow!
The Nittany Turkey says
Good night and good luck.