Bawling, Beleaguered Brookie Booted

“Arizona’s home, but it ain’t mine no more…”, sobbed Brooke White as she tortuously performed her swan song on American Idol’s sadistic results show last night, in which the final two contestants waited about 45 minutes with their hearts in their throats to see who would stay and who would go. Syesha Mercado was the lucky one. Brookie got the boot.

The teenage popularity contest is in full swing. Jason Castro, who I characterized as singing as if at a college dorm BYOG (bring your own guitar) Friday night sing-along for losers who couldn’t get laid, was pronounced safe right off the bat. That was predictable. The voting public, consisting largely of the age 9 through 13 white female population, likes his cutesy dreadlocks, which would disqualify him from most real jobs. His songs were absolute crap, which even Simon could not adequately scorn in the time permitted.

David Archuleta, of course, was safe. He has an even larger base of prepubescent weenies than does Jason. When Ryan Seacrest asked British hottie guest singer Natasha Bedingfield if she would be Archuleta’s prom date, I thought I would puke. She could be my prom date; let’s not waste her on Speedy Gonzales. It is truly unfortunate that Archuleta remains the favorite to win the whole thing, as his high school musical singing is boring my ass to tears.

David Cook is the guy Paula Abdul and I want to win. I’ve always favored the rockers on this show, and I’ve always been disappointed. Could this be the year of the rocker? I thought surely Bo would beat Carrie a few years back, but that didn’t happen. I think the voting demographic might preclude it. (I still have no explanation for Taylor Hicks.)

Syesha Mercado, the last of the final four, no doubt will be leaving us next week, having been next-to-last in voting for the past two weeks. She’s hanging by a thread. That’s a pity, because she’s a helluva lot better and more entertaining than Jason Castro could ever be. She’s hot, too, and she’s just coming into her own musically. The past couple of weeks have seen a marked improvement in Syesha’s confidence and style. However, no matter what song she picks next week and no matter how well she performs it, Jason’s fan club will preclude her from moving on.