I’ve been wrong all season about who will stay and who will leave American Idol, so I’ll just climb out on a limb and flat out state that Syesha Mercado will get the axe this week.
I was thinking that I had gleaned the intentions of America’s voters last week. Syesha has been a weekly low vote getter and now she’s isolated in the final four, where there are three high vote getters. (Very scientifically precise terminology, I know.) She should have no problem being eliminated this week no matter how well she does on the stage.
This week is Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame week, which means the producers couldn’t find a “guest mentor” who was cheap enough or who wanted to promote a new album. So, there will be performances tomorrow night by a couple of fill-in acts: former Idol Bo Bice and Maroon 5. Otherwise, contestants will get to choose songs from the most overplayed famous songs in the history of rock ‘n’ roll.
The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland, which means that we’ll probably get to see some “scenery” from The Mistake by the Lake. Big whoop!
This should be David Cook‘s night, being the premier rocker in the bunch. Look for another weak performance by Jason Castro. Those have come to be the norm for college dorm sing-along boy. David Archuleta, who can do no wrong by the pre-nubiles, will sing a couple of songs that will sound like every other song he has sung, and he’ll forget to obey Lord Lloyd-Weber about keeping his eyes open, yet he’ll get the most votes. Bringing up the rear (and it’s a mighty fine one), Syesha will sing her guts out but to no avail—her fan contingent is just too small, the demographic being males over 25, of which I think I’m the only one left. Alas, she’s gone before the first note is sung.
Sadly, Jason, who should have been gone weeks ago, threatens to become the Sanjaya of this year’s competition, and we’ll have to put up with him for yet another week. Then it will be down to the final two, which I hope will be Archuleta and Cook. But stranger things have happened. The folks who gave you Taylor Hicks might conspire to put Jason in the final.
Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
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The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, yeah. Syesha is great in the platinum dress.
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy’s shirt sucks.
The Nittany Turkey says
Now we get to go to the Nation’s Armpit.
The Redhead says
The Rockin’ Redhead has arrived!
The Nittany Turkey says
David was born after Kurt Cobain died.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think Duran Duran is a bit subdued for young David.
The Nittany Turkey says
Hiya hotstuff!
The Redhead says
Turkey, I don’t know about you, but if there’s one band of the 80s that I hate, it’s Duran Duran. I liked one song of theirs–Girls on Film–after that, it all sounded depressing and virually atonal.
David Cook is doing a good job with this, after all, he’s in his rock and roll element.
The Redhead says
Yeah, he speeded it up and rocked it–better than the original!
The Nittany Turkey says
But Roberto Duran was OK, except when he fought Sugar Ray Leonard.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is putting the moves on David.
The Redhead says
I disagree with Randy. I liked it a lot.
Yeah, Simon says!
The Nittany Turkey says
I think we all agree. It was a-ight.
The Redhead says
So what did you think, Turkey?
The Nittany Turkey says
For Randy, “just OK” means that it was sung by someone other than Archuleta, for whom I think Randy has some secret desires.
The Nittany Turkey says
Rock ‘n’ roll musical cell phone commercial was fine.
The Nittany Turkey says
I like Cook, so I’m biased, but yes, I liked the song, and no, it was not his greatest performance.
The Redhead says
Okay, I see that we all pretty much agree. That guitarist was rockin’ though.
I hesitate to predict who will go home tonight. I read your blog but I’m not so sure…I’ve been wrong on every show this season.
The Nittany Turkey says
Well, so have I, but that doesn’t prevent me from having yet another bogus opinion.
The Nittany Turkey says
Syesha gets hotter every week.
The Nittany Turkey says
She doesn’t look as good in her Rosie Perez outfit.
The Nittany Turkey says
But I love the Tina Turner outfit.
The Redhead says
And just like Tina, she’s gonna start out slow and then “get rough.”
The Nittany Turkey says
That was the wrong time to bring in the audience….she needs to build it up…like now.
The Redhead says
Nice dance moves! She doesn’t have Turner’s energy but she’s doing a good job!
The Nittany Turkey says
Unlike Tina, she is a soprano, not a barritone!
The Nittany Turkey says
It was Tina’s arrangement, only an octave higher.
The Redhead says
She’s also a cutie. She should have shortened the dress though.
The Nittany Turkey says
How long can Simon maintain his patience with Paula tonight?
The Redhead says
Just like last time, Simon’s putting the hocus pocus on Syesha.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon is a big poopoo.
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s a flyzyzyzyzyzyzyzy.
The Nittany Turkey says
Jason sucks.
The Redhead says
Speaking of Paula, I’m pasting a portion of of this piece with “Nashville Star’ judge John Rich. He was pissed at Abdul, pissed at the whole show. This is a hilarious quote from him:
“’American Idol’ infuriates me as an artist,†Rich, of the multiplatinum country duo Big & Rich, said at an NBC press event in Pasadena, California. “They’re being fake about it. When you can’t make a cognizant comment about someone’s performance and you’re commenting on something that happened the day before, why don’t you just walk up onstage and slap them right across the face while you’re at it? As an artist, I would just flip them the bird and walk off the stage. … She wasn’t even paying attention to what was going on.â€
HAHA!
The Redhead says
Flip em’ the bird, Sysesha!!! 🙂
The Redhead says
News Update:
Obama takes N.C.
The Nittany Turkey says
News Update:
Big Whoop
The Redhead says
He’s gonna do the Bob Marley version. Fits the dreads. But I’m not diggin’ this.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m going to characterize this as another dorm amateur night performance.
The Redhead says
Did you read the quote I pasted, Turkey?
The Redhead says
This is pretty lame.
The Nittany Turkey says
Boy, did that suck! 🙁
The Nittany Turkey says
Now a glowing comment by Paula, as expected.
The Nittany Turkey says
Kiss mah ass, Paula!!! 😛
The Nittany Turkey says
Atrocious is a good word for it.
The Redhead says
Randy didn’t dig it. Wow, I’ve never heard Randy be this negative!
And Paula? She didn’t really dig it either.
I don’t like that song either. Hated the Clapton version.
Simon lays it down.
Jason, dude, go have some ganja.
The Nittany Turkey says
Totally amateurish.
The Redhead says
Did you read that country dude’s quote?
The Nittany Turkey says
Jason really needs to get voted off this week, but will he?
The Nittany Turkey says
He was nowhere fucking close to the other two. And yes, I read it. Very funny.
The Redhead says
This is a safe choice for Boring David. I wish he’d take a chance and rock.
The Redhead says
This is thrilling the little girls.
And I predict the judges will dig it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Stand By Me sounds like everything else he sings. And his eyes are closed.
The Redhead says
I predict Simon will not be as high on it as the other judges though.
The Nittany Turkey says
He belongs in Junior Mariachi Marching Band.
The Nittany Turkey says
YOU PREDICT….HAHHAHHAHA
The Redhead says
Oooh, he sang it to all the “beautiful girls.”
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m telling you—Randy has a thing for Archuleta. I think he wants to do the pederasty number on him.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is irrelevant. 😛 😛 😛
The Redhead says
And how did you really feel Randy? 🙂
WAS he communicating with his eyes? I thought they were closed.
Simon speaks the truth.
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy wore his orange guitar shirt tonight just to get David.
The Redhead says
Is Randy gay?
The Nittany Turkey says
I think Seacrest wants some Archuleta poontang, too, from the looks of it.
The Redhead says
I notice that the judges don’t have to hold their comments until after the performers have sung twice tonight. Too much confusion for dear Paula!
The Nittany Turkey says
I don’t know anything about Randy’s sexual preference. I only know that he digs Archuleta.
The Nittany Turkey says
So there’ll be a double-date after the show. Randy and Archuleta; Paula and David Cook. 😀
The Nittany Turkey says
I want David Cook to sing a hardass rock number next.
The Redhead says
I wanna hear some rock and roll! I’m tired of this slow songs.
And I just have to say again, Clapton’s version of I Shot the Sheriff is one of the lamest “rock” tunes ever recorded. Clapton slept his way through it. He was great with Cream but ever since, the most overrated guitarist EVER. What a snoozefest. Technically there but no passion. I don’t get why so many think he’s God.
The Redhead says
Why–
Artificially Sweetened?
The Redhead says
Wow–Cook is taking a chance! This I gotta see.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think I must have tuned into CSI:New York.
The Redhead says
Okay, kick it out soon!
The Nittany Turkey says
Why the hell is the audience clapping during the slow, tacit part?
The Redhead says
This sucks. The tempo is way too slow.
The Nittany Turkey says
He didn’t have enough time to make the most of that Who number.
The Redhead says
I don’t get Artificially Sweetened, Turkey. Could you enlighten me?
The Nittany Turkey says
He did fine with that one.
The Redhead says
I did not like his version and disagree with everybody here.
The Nittany Turkey says
My girlfriend’s blog responding pseudonym is Artificially Sweetened, inasmuch as she was a chemist with Nutrasweet.
The Nittany Turkey says
That is what I like about you: you’re so disagreeable.
The Nittany Turkey says
LOOK!!!! It’s Ashton Kutcher!!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m gay! I’m gay!
The Nittany Turkey says
Can’t wait for Fox News at 10 to see the teen roller skating war!
The Nittany Turkey says
I know they play Beethoven’s 9th at my Lowe’s, too.
The Redhead says
I thought he Ashton dug Demi.
I think your girlfriend is authentically sweet!
The Nittany Turkey says
Get Jason’s Marley number from iTunes!
The Redhead says
Cool tune. She may do a good job with this.
The Nittany Turkey says
Are we going to get the Whitney/Tina version of Sam Cooke?
The Nittany Turkey says
I like the dress, but there’s no replacement for Sam Cooke.
The Redhead says
If she is voted off and Jason stays, there is no justice.
Her version is not doing much for me though. She’s holding some of those notes too long and it’s not necessary.
The Redhead says
Thumbs down.
The Nittany Turkey says
Sam died in 1964, long before the birth of Syesha. But she did a job on this one…trying to save her ass another week. I hope she did!
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah…what Randy said.
The Nittany Turkey says
Bring us back to earth, Simon.
The Redhead says
Right on, Randy! We are on the same page.
Come on, Paula. Breathe in some reality. Pul-leeze.
Simon says but I don’t think so.
The Nittany Turkey says
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
The Redhead says
Well, she turned a great song into an opportunity to show off her acrobatic abilities vocally. I don’t doubt that she’s genuine in her emotion but she doesn’t get it. She doesn’t get that the drama is in the lyics and heartfelt emotion, not in vocally showing off what you can do.
The Nittany Turkey says
It was better than what Randy said, but I can’t hear anybody but Sam Cooke doing it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Now, we’re going to do Mr. Tambourine Man. He’s going to do it through the nose like Bobby Zimmerman, and forget the words, too.
GOODBYE JASON!!!!
The Redhead says
He sounds like Arlo Guthrie doing Dylan. He just forgot the lyrics! Uh-oh.
If he can’t remember “jingle jangle morning” he’s in trouble.
Turkey, Jason is going home tomorrow!
The Nittany Turkey says
Actually, the words are better enunciated—even the ones he forgot—than the way Bobby sang it.
The Redhead says
Bye bye Jason. As Paula said, “it is what it is.”
So long!
The Nittany Turkey says
I think it’s even money whether he or Syesha goes home—STILL!
The Redhead says
I’m not risin’ to the Dylan bashing bait 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
Pre-teen girls are warming up their fingers.
The Nittany Turkey says
I don’t need to bash Dylan. He never could sing; thus, he bashes himself.
The Redhead says
Have you ever voted, Turkey?
The Redhead says
But do you deny his songwriting gifts?
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s like a poor man’s Willie Nelson.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, I love some of his lines, like especially from The Times Are A-Changin.
The Nittany Turkey says
And, of course, “the pump don’t work ’cause the vandal stole the handle.”
The Redhead says
Yeah, b.s. you do.
The Redhead says
Vandal TOOK the handle.
The Nittany Turkey says
No, I actually do. “The loser now will be later to win…”
The Redhead says
Dull David is back.
Uh-oh. The girls are going to be swooning.
The Redhead says
This is actually a smart choice for him.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Love Me Tender.
How the hell is he not going to evoke memories of Elvis and die in comparison? It’ll be like a poor Pat Boone version.
The Nittany Turkey says
The retching is not needed in this song.
The Redhead says
Yeah, that particular lyric is a favorite of mine, too. I think the took it from the bible.
The Nittany Turkey says
Singing it like Whitney Houston, if you ask me!
The Nittany Turkey says
The vandal took the handle in the bible?
The Redhead says
Yeah, he’s not singing this with Presley’s tenderness or subtle passion.
Thumbs down.
The Nittany Turkey says
Archuleta gets an IS rating for that, by the way.
The Redhead says
Yeah, from the Sermon on the Mount.
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy is looking for some junior ass.
The Redhead says
David’s got these judges brainwashed.
The Nittany Turkey says
That’s in “Y’all’s part of the bible.”
The Redhead says
I liked Hungry like the Wolf. I guess I have no taste.
The Nittany Turkey says
I thought Cook did the best.
The Nittany Turkey says
Then Archuleta, then Syesha…..and Jason sucked far hind tit.
The Redhead says
Yeah, but remember when he became “born again?” He pissed audiences off as he preached to them from the stage.
The Nittany Turkey says
I shall be writing unkind words about Mr. Castro tonight.
The Redhead says
Talk about “artifically sweetened!” That’s David A.
🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
Gotta love Syesha’s latest outfits.
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s an artificial weenie.
The Redhead says
I’m hoping Jason gets the boot tomorrow…but I’m probably wrong based on what’s happened so far this season.
I’ll be here, Turkey!
The Nittany Turkey says
So, like tomorrow night…be here!