Dem Follies: Night 1, plus McCain Veepstakes

I am the mouse who ate Xanax, the Nittany Turkey’s political alter ego, and I have a few opinions.

I’m certain that The Redhead can hardly wait to read my take on the first night of the Democrat love fest in Denver. I enjoyed watching the posturing and posing, so I’ll tell you what I think. Those of you who know me will probably think my response is predictable. Indeed, my bullshit detector was glowing bright red and spinning round and round last night, so no surprise.

Yeah, I know. This is supposed to be a football column. But I can’t help bashing Democrats from time to time. After all, this is my only outlet. All my friends are either in total agreement with me or are too liberal to want to talk about any of this, regarding me as hopeless and stone-headed as they do all conservative thinkers. Or even conservative non-thinkers. I’m a retard. I admit it. Anyhow, first I’ll give you a few glib comments about last night’s People’s Convention and then I’ll move on to some vacuous rambling about the Right Honorable John S. McCain’s potential running-mate. (Or not.)

And now, my observations from my comfortable (albeit sometimes violently turbulent) home under The Nittany Turkey’s sofa.

[Cue the ominous sounding music, with lots of cellos.]

I found the Communist Party Convention pretty typical, particularly on the hypocrisy front. They are up there posturing that they’re people “just like you” and they (and only they) can relate to the po’ folks, yet they featured Teddy Kennedy with enough footage of him piloting his yacht to convince even the gravest doubter that Kennedy is a wealthy, wealthy man. McCain might have seven houses, but how many million dollar yachts does he have? Hey, how many houses do the Kennedys have?

Then, we had Sister Michelle preaching that she loves America not because of what Barack has accomplished but because of what it is, which was such a thinly transparent attempt to mitigate her stump speech gaffe that it was laughable. Similarly, her gratuitous mention of Hillary Clinton appeared to be inserted in hopes of galvanizing the Hillary holdouts. It was again transparent and almost laughable in its incongruity. I don’t think it galvanized anyone. She also was coached to mention the troops, although not in the context of actually being useful for fighting wars, because they should be here at home just in case the South rises again.

Jimmy Carter and wife Rosalynn were introduced and hustled off the stage before prime time began. That figures. The Dems don’t want that association hanging around to give Republicans ideas.

The big theme of Evening #1 was Health Care is My Right! Yeah, right. The Dems think they have one there. Everybody needs it, so why not just promise it so they can get elected and hold it over our heads for the rest of our lives. Yeah, like that’s really going to work. (It might—there are a lot of idiots out there who don’t take the time to see how badly diluted the health care system is in Canada or how government makes life or death decisions over people in Oregon,* for that matter—no matter how distorted a picture they get from that wacko left-wing dipshit, Michael Moore.) If you think health care is in a bad way now, just let the government increase its stake in the industry. Medicare has damn near destroyed the health care industry; treating health care as a universal entitlement would be the final torpedo, if in fact it is not already too far gone. This has to be the biggest reason not to elect Democrats.

Tonight, we’ll have Hillary. I wonder how she’s going to mask her jealousy and personal ambition in the hope of coming off as a sincere Obama backer. Or will she even bother? That will be fun to watch. (For me, anyhow.) I’m going to be laughin’ my ass off. It will be Hillarious.

I think the Dems are beatable. They have not taken a very serious turn to the center, which they needed to do to ensure that this election goes their way. Obama aside, Pelosi and all the other speakers at the convention are painting a very liberal picture. Too liberal. They’re hanging way the hell out there on the lunatic left fringe, which was exacerbated, not assuaged, by Obama’s choice of Biden. (I don’t know if choice is an appropriate word. From what I’ve read, the Biden camp pulled out all stops to chase that “choice.”) That will lose them some votes, because the electorate is typically right of center. (Misguided, as a certain friend of mine would say.)

The do-nothing, self-serving, obstructionist, vacation taking Congress managed by Pelosi and Reid should further nudge voters away from that nefarious socialist axis. But I digress.

Unfortunately, a large percentage of the electorate is either stupid, lazy, or self-centered and underachieving, and THAT is the Dems best hope!

[Cue the light, optimistic, airy music.]

And now, on to the GOP.

Obviously, McCain needs three things to win: 1) conservatives, 2) women, and 3) independents. There are a lot of undecideds at stake, women being a huge percentage of them. However, I do not think that McCain will select a female running mate. I pulled that straight out of my ass, just gut feel. Condi Rice probably is not on the short list, lest McCain stick his neck further out toward the contrived Bush 3 hatchet. (More transparency—some Karl Rove type in the Dem organization says the way to beat McCain is accuse him of being a Bush clone, so they work that into just about everything. It usually sticks out like a sore thumb.) I would really like to see a VP candidate who is young, conservative, and a governor. Three names that stick in my mind are Matt Blunt, Mark Sanford, and Bobby Jindal.  However, Jindal was the only governor of these three who went to the love fest at McCain’s ranch. Youth is essential–after all, McCain is 72.

Joe Lieberman? We’ve already got one quasi-Democrat at the top of the ticket. Why do we need another? We should be reaching out to the right. Furthermore, we don’t need another senator. Let the Democrats go down in flames with two senators. Let’s get someone with executive experience, someone who knows how to manage an organization, someone with a little business acumen—not just a blow-hard like Biden. I like Joe Lieberman, but he’s Al Gore’s VP candidate, not John McCain’s.

Charlie Crist and Mitt Romney both have some negative points. However, I think they’re both still in the running. Crist is getting married around the end of the year, which would lead me to believe that he’s probably got other things on his mind. But Florida is a crucial state in a presidential election, and the McCain machine knows it. Romney would “galvanize” the conservatives, but then there’s the Mormon issue. The fundamentalists don’t like the Mormon approach to life. Now, we have to have Christian wars while vetting candidates. Ridiculous!

All we know at this point is that it ain’t gonna be Madonna!

Nobody elects a Vice President. I think that under normal circumstances (viz. Reagan/Bush vs. Carter/Mondale) the importance of the selection tends to be overblown by the hyperanalytical media (after all, they need to generate ad revenue), whereas in other cases, for example a tight battle like Kennedy/Johnson vs. Nixon/Lodge, a good VP selection can win the election (along with some strong-arming in West Virginia and some dead people voting in Chicago). I think that this year’s election is close enough that the VPs come into play. Thus, I am hoping that McCain chooses well. We’ll know by the weekend.

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*In Oregon recently, a woman who required a $4,000 per month drug was turned down by the government, which advised her that assisted suicide was legal in the state and was therefore an option.