With Nero fiddling in Washington, this Mouse turns to watching Rome burn. Being too disgusted by the corrupt institution there calling itself a congress, and a president who seems oblivious to what the country really needs, it’s time once again for this blog to crank up its American Idol bullshit! A little comic relief is in store, for a change.
We’re down to the final thirteen contestants. How the hell did it become thirteen? I thought it was supposed to be twelve. This year has been confusing to this Mouse. Humans seem to want to change things all the time. We mice just do four things: eat, sleep, get laid, and die. But we do them well. Humans, I guess, are more complex. They want to keep changing things. But I mousegress.
Thirteen finalists in this, the eighth season of American Idol, aspire to join the ranks of the motley crue [sic] of past winners. Let’s see if I can remember them all. Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, David Cook (the guy with the built-in yarmulke) , and who else? That’s only six. Let me look it up. Oh, yeah. I missed Fantasia Barrino in Season 3. Never liked her.
Anyhow, the thirteen hopefuls this year are: Adam Lambert, Alexis Grace, Allison Iraheta, Anoop Desai, Danny Gokey, Jasmine Murray, Jorge Nuñez, Kris Allen, Lil Rounds, Matt Giraud, Megan Joy, Michael Sarver, and Scott MacIntyre. They range in age from 16 to 27. ??? ???? ?? ?????? There are five girls, seven boys, and one about whom I’m not completely sure. We even have a blind guy. Throw in an Indian, a Puerto Rican, and an oil rig roughneck, and you’ll conclude that the Idol folks certainly got an eclectic bunch together this year!
That one would be Adam Lambert, who somebody described as a cross between Freddie Mercury and Prince. Although that union might have been plausible, this mouse doubts that it would have produced any offspring.
We have four significant hotties this year, from this Mouse’s perspective. I knocked Allison out of contention for the favorite Season Eight hottie, not because she’s only 16, but because she ain’t my type.(Yeah, I know she is a redhead, but she doesn’t do anything for me.) I much prefer Alexis’ mousy look. Jasmine is only 16, but she has a winning smile. Lil is just plain sexy, but this Mouse is going to have a great deal of difficulty choosing between the two blondes: the aforementioned Alexis Grace and the superhot Megan Joy. Megan has tattoos all the way up her right arm straight to her damn shoulder. I objected to that last year with Amy Carlson, but it sure as hell looks good on Megan. The other blonde, Alexis, is a little girl with a huge voice. ???? ????? I would be surprised if she didn’t go very far this year (if she can stay on pitch).
Of the guys, I bet Adam goes the farthest. He is bound to be a teen and tween favorite because of his looks, and he handles himself well on stage. Jorge’s sincerity, spirit, and handsome smile will serve him well. There’s something for everybody in this rogues’ gallery. If you like blue collar types, Michael Sarver, who works on an oil rig, should make you happy. ???? ????? Scott MacIntyre is the blind guy—I have three relatives who live it his house (see how they run?) – and he can play and sing well. He’s developed a following through the auditions and elimination rounds.
So, we’re almost done with the long build-up. I hope we get down to the final eight quickly, so we can really start cooking. Of course, they are milking this thing as much as they can.
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The Redhead says
It’s that time again! Usually I refer to the head blogger as Turkey–guess I’ll have to get used the Mouse. But I am looking forward to renewing what has become a tradition with the Turkey/Mouse and me. I’m a bit in the dark since I have only watched one of this season’s shows and that was early on. But I know I will catch up and maybe it’s to my advantage that I haven’t had a chance to become too honed in on any one contender at this point.
If I’m a little late to the festivities this evening, do not fear–I will be here.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, I’m trying to keep all the non-football posts under The Mouse Who Ate Xanax. He’s usually the one watching the TV from under the sofa, anyway. He has to hide during football season, but he gets plenty of crumbs dropped by the Turkey and friends.
I’m totally looking forward to tonight’s festivities! See you there!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paging Redhead, paging Redhead…come in, please!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Two will go home tomorrow, sez Simon.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
They’re doing Michael Jackson tonight.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Whoaaaa…check dat booty!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Lil pretty well nailed “The Way You Make Me Feel” … she sorta set the bogey.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Of course, Simon thought that the second half was better than the first, it was a lazy song choice, and he hates what she’s wearing.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Scott up next. He’s the blind guy.
The Redhead says
The Redhead is on board!
Well, it seems like I missed something special with Lil given the way three of the judges were loving her. I only heard the last note.
The Redhead says
So, Mousey, was Simon right about Lil?
By the way, hello there!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, Simon was half right. Her outfit was a little weird.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The white pants made her butt look bigger.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
But Paula liked the “soft look.”
The Redhead says
Yeah, I heard that. I liked the pink.
The Redhead says
Did you know that your blog starts with a bunch of weird characters? Also, it says the time is an hour behind.
The Redhead says
Already, I hate it.
The Redhead says
It sounds like some 80s ballad coming to Jesus.
The Redhead says
Man, this is terrible.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think Scott would be better if he stayed on pitch and maybe was a little more powerful. But this act ain’t going far. It’s a lounge act.
The Redhead says
Hey Mouse–get out from under the couch!
The Redhead says
Yuck. Yeah yeah. He’s blind but he’s keepin’ the faith. I get it.
The Redhead says
Oh, this must be Michael Jackson night. Well, one thing is for sure, his weirdness won’t be showing up.
The Redhead says
Haha. Simon speaks the truth–no art on AI.
The Redhead says
But really–that was NOT art.
The Redhead says
Okay. I’m talking to myself here.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I told you up above that it was Michael Jackson night. You must do your homework!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, I have to keep track of a hockey game, too!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Plus, I’m eating some Thai food that is hot enough to make my nose run like a snothose.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
And gulping down Wyndham Estates 2005 Shiraz.
The Redhead says
I thought you meant just for one song!
The Redhead says
Wow–you’re multi-tasking!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think the feature of the night will be when Adam Lambert does Billie Jean. Just guessin’
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This performance is like vanilla soul done badly.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Did he douse his back with water or did he work up a sweat in one minute???
The Redhead says
I just now recognized this song. This guy sounds sort of like that lead singer for Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Or the guy who sang the song, I’m Vehicle, baby…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think Simon is going to burst that bubble.
The Redhead says
Wow, Paula–she’s really moved.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’m a steamroller, baby….
gonna roll right ova you…
The Redhead says
Make that, I’m YOUR vehicle, baby…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think they were all smoking fatties during the commercial.
The Redhead says
What was the name of that group who did Vehicle? I can’t remember.
I agree–this guy is too white to sing that kind of music. It’s like a parody.
The Redhead says
Yahoo! I’m glad we’re getting some red on AI!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This guy ain’t bad for a blue collar guy on an oil rig.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He ain’t good enough to win, though.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Sorry, Michael. Just pedestrian.
The Redhead says
I thought he sounded kind of wobbly but I agree w/Simon for the most part.
The Redhead says
He won’t last too long.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Don’t you think I’m right about what they were smoking?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jasmine is cute, dontcha think? Wait’ll you hear her voice.
The Redhead says
Why do you think they were smoking fatties?
The Redhead says
And who was smoking them? The judges?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, the judges.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
They ought to get Ann Coulter to take Simon’s place. She could be lots more sarcastic than he is this year.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ain’t she cute?
The Redhead says
Yeah, she is cute.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
SHe’s got a voice, too.
The Redhead says
Uh, I don’t think having Ann on is such a good idea (unless they make her sing. That I’d like to see).
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Even if she started out a little flat.
The Redhead says
This song takes me back to my jr. high school years. Not a good memory.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ann has an Adam’s apple. I have my doubts about her.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Lots of drugs.
The Redhead says
I gotta tell you, Mousey, I don’t think she is all that in this number.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’m not getting any strong vibes.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think she tried to do it like Michael and she can’t compare to the little tyke.
The Redhead says
No drugs in jr. high, Mouse.
You mean HIS adam’s apple?
The Redhead says
The judges weren’t feelin’ it either.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Did a bird commit suicide on Paula’s shoulder?
The Redhead says
Did he call her Josie?
The Redhead says
Yeah, I was going to say–just who is poorly dressed on this show?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
A pussycat trying to be a tiger. That’s one of Simon’s favorite things.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Maybe the pussycat killed the bird on Paula’s shoulder.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, if you win, which is unlikely, you’ll leave your wife in Arkansas!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kinda reminds me of George Michael.
The Redhead says
This didn’t work for me. He was shouting.
The girls think he’s cute. He’ll be around a while.
The Redhead says
Yeah, George Michael is a good comparison.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon is trying to pluck Paula’s bird.
The Redhead says
Paula has had some face work. See how here cheeks are so full? They’ve been filled in a bit.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula wants his ass.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I know how that happened.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula is a Hoover.
The Redhead says
Simon’s right. Brian Epstein kept John Lennon’s marriage to Cynthia quiet when the band first became popular. You want to lead those young girls on!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Wow…we’re almost halfway done!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I just don’t like this babe.
The Redhead says
She reminds me of Tina Turner.
The Redhead says
Her voice, that is.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She did some Kim Carnes during the auditions.
The Redhead says
Why don’t you like her? Is it the attitude?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t think she’s got enough wind to pull off the big voice thing.
The Redhead says
That was too mature for her in my opinion. That bothers me a bit.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She likes to do stuff like Heart.
The Redhead says
It bothers me that a kid sings a song in such a sexed up way. That’s a song for a woman to sing, not a teenager of 16.
The Redhead says
At least in the WAY she sang it.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That gleaming orthodontia…way cool
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Hey, lemme tell you, there are some hottttttttttttt 16 year-olds out there.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, I’m done with the yum nuea. I’m down to the wine. This is my Faber backlash.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Who da hell is next? Damn…the Penguins are down 2-1 to Jennifer’s Panthers.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Make that 3-1.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You haven’t changed your Gravatar. But that one’s still cool.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Good old Anoop.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Every competition these days must have an Indian.
The Redhead says
I think it’s cool, too! Thanks.
I know there are “hot” 16 year olds. I didn’t like the way she was acting.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’m not getting into this.
The Redhead says
This is lame. The band is off, the background singers are cheesy, he lacks the edge and the energy Jackson gave this song.
Yawn.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kind of a high school performance.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
But I think the weirdo can do Billie Jean. Adam, I mean.
The Redhead says
Yeah, Paula and Simon are both correct.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop ain’t gonna be here next week.
The Redhead says
He may get the boot this week.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
WAIT! Correct? You mean they agree with you. There ain’t no correct.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Anooooooop!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jorge is a likeable guy. He’s got energy and a smile. He has a bit of a voice, too. We’ll see what kinda song he picks. It’s all important, you know.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL
The Redhead says
Of course we’re correct. 🙂
The Redhead says
I never liked this song.
The Redhead says
More jr. high school ickiness.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Jorge, go baby!
The Redhead says
He seems like a neat kid but he’s off pitch here.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, he’s got Puerto Rican soul.
The Redhead says
This isn’t makin’ it.
The Redhead says
The kiddies like him.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I thought that was halfway decent.
The Redhead says
Man, Paula’s cheeks look like a chipmonk holding a bunch of nuts in its mouth.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, the judges were CORRECT!!!!!!
The Redhead says
Simon was harsh but he was basically correct.
Correct….correct…OMG, I said it again!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan is hottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. . . Little girl with a big voice….if she can keep it on pitch.
The Redhead says
Actually, it’s “chipmunk.” I just looked it up.
The Redhead says
Okay, okay, try to keep it together!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yes, I decided not to be pedantic by correcting “chipmonk”.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That would be like an obsessive-compusive detective with a chip on his shoulder.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
We had lots of chipmunques in Pennsylvania. Ain’t none of dem rodents in Florida.
The Redhead says
Wow–look at that red dress.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Wait, Megan is not the one I thought she was.
The Redhead says
I can see why you would find her attractive.
How old is she?
The Redhead says
Utah? Is she Mormon?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
But she’s been pretty good.
The Redhead says
Oh, gee, she’s going to cry.
Puh-leeze.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Nevertheless, she and Alexis Grace are my big blonde favorites.
She has tattoos all the way up her right arm.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She sucks
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Goodnight, Megan. Seeya in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
This ain’t her song.
The Redhead says
This is…I don’t know…weird. Really weird.
I could see this in a David Lynch movie.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That bird who died on Paula’s shoulder should fly into Megan’s mouth and shut her up!
The Redhead says
This was sort of cringe-worthy. But she still was rather charming.
The Redhead says
I hate that song.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I can dig the tatts.
The Redhead says
Yeah, Simon!
The Redhead says
Who is that guy in the audience?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think this gay guy is going far.
The Redhead says
So, this is Adam. Well, he’s got a sort of punky look to him.
The Redhead says
Oh, he’s not doing Billie Jean. Sorry, Mouse.
He reminds me of George Michael, too.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He ain’t doing Billie Jean, but he’s probably better off doing this.
The Redhead says
Why is Paula standing?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Because she wants to get down with Adam.
The Redhead says
I find this embarrassing.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL…she’s wet
The Redhead says
Oh, come on, Paula.
The Redhead says
Why is Paula wearing a diamond-studded dog tag on her wrist?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, I agree. He’s an entertainer.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That’s Paula’s line of costume jewelry!
The Redhead says
I don’t get it. They saw something I didn’t.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
(Seriously)
The Redhead says
Do you agree with the judges?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
So did I.
The Redhead says
I’m sure she’ll make a mint on it on QVC. (:
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah. Adam can entertain. He’s got good commercial stage presence. Good teen and tween presence. He rocks! Of course, he’s no Bill Haley & the Comets, but who COULD be?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Well, Tatiana (who was eliminated) bought a bunch of Paula’s crap.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This guy is not anything, as far as I’m concerned.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Oh, come on!
The Redhead says
Blah.
Blah.
Meh.
The Redhead says
Huh? I don’t agree with Randy.
The Redhead says
Man, they didn’t see the same performance I did.
Even Simon liked it.
???
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t agree with anyone!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Sucked!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The hockey game is getting hot…I don’t know if I can take it!!!! 3-3 as regulation time winds down.
The Redhead says
You are correct, Sir Mouse!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Alexis, baby!!!
The Redhead says
Is this the mousy girl you described?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah!
The Redhead says
Oh, here we go. Another oh-so-obvious sex pot teen. Get original, please.
The Redhead says
This is terrible.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Whattya think?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, less than a minute.
The Redhead says
Let’s play dress-up. We’ll act all sexy like those singers on TV.
The Redhead says
You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s a cliche.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She’s HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, are we done?
The Redhead says
“Less than a minute?” Don’t get it.
The Redhead says
So what are the judges going to do to “shake things up?”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Hockey is all tied at the end of regulation.
The Redhead says
G’night, Sir Mouse! See you tomorrow evening.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Tomorrow. Same time. Same station.
The Redhead says
Man, I’m looking at the recap. All of these singers sound really lame.
The Redhead says
Ta ta!
The Redhead says
Looking forward to tonight’s elimination round, Sir Mouse. I work until 9:00 so will be a little late but I will be here eventually! I hope you’ll keep a running commentary so I can catch up when I arrive.
See you tonight!