The consummate boredom of American Idol is slowly abating as the also-rans are slowly eliminated. Last week’s have-not was Michael Sarver, the oil rig roughneck who was lucky to make the top ten in the first place.
This Mouse opined that it would be either Sarver or Megan Joy who would be eliminated. Fortunately, it was Sarver, for if good looks and body heat were the only selection criteria, Megan would be this year’s Idol, hands down. I need a few more weeks of her to maintain my interest while we wade through a plethora of perniciously pedestrian performances, paring the pool to the penultimate pairing prior to crowning this year’s foregone conclusion.
Gratuitous alliteration aside, WTF am I talking about? I’ll boil it down for you. Adam Lambert is going to win this thing and Allison is going to be the runner-up. Aside from Megan, who has carnal attributes that eclipse her performing skill, the rest bore me.
And so, here is this handicapper’s tout sheet for these final nine:
Adam Lambert 4-5. Runs well on any surface, a wire-to-wire front-runner.
Allison Iraheta 3-1. Young filly with a big heart and a big whinny.
Danny Gokey 7-2. (Blinkers on.) Might surprise.
Matt Giraud 10-1. Plenty of run in cheaper company.
Lil Rounds 12-1. Chestnut filly who fades in the stretch.
Kris Allen 20-1. Needs some seasoning.
Anoop Desai 20-1. Not a factor.
Megan Joy 30-1. Good looking filly. Needs to come to the Mouse’s stud farm.
Scott MacIntyre 50-1. Gone this week.
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The Redhead says
I predict it may be Megan who is gone this week. She really got a break last week after that pathetic “big band” performance of For Once in My Life. She must have gotten the sympathy vote.
As usual, I may be a little late as I have running practice before the show but I will be here as soon as I can. See you then!
The Redhead says
The Redhead has completed a great track workout and is now on board!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Mouse here. Basketball at 9, but I’ll DVR it.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan’s satin dress once again matches her tattoo.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Dude listen man I mean like last week they brought it but we’ll see what happens tonight, dude.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This is the Ryan Seacrest aggrandizement week.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop in da house.
The Redhead says
I’m grabbin’ some pasta and red sauce. Be right back.
The Redhead says
I’m still here. Gotta see the performance.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He’s Indian. He should be starring in academic pursuits, not wasting his time singing.
The Redhead says
Is this hip-hop night?
The Redhead says
He may be returning to the university soon after this performance.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
See, I’m not like up on this kinda music. I’m like behind the, like, times.
The Redhead says
Hey, good evening, Sir Mouse! I think it’s okay to greet each other!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Keepin’ it real with Kara’s freckles.
The Redhead says
Wow–Paula looks different. What is it about her…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Shaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddup, Paula!
The Redhead says
I agree with Simon, for the most part.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think we’ll all agree that it was a complete and utter mess.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It’s not important what Simon says. Only what you say.
The Redhead says
Hi ya, Sir Mouse! Hi there, dude! Hello, there!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop…sit down and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
The Redhead says
Nah, it’s important what we both say 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I greeted you when you came in. You just gotta scroll up.
The Redhead says
Megan coming up. Sir Mouse will like that. Off to get my pasta.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Albeit in the same breath with a Penn State basketball disclaimer.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan’s green dress matches her tatt. I think it’s important to see that in a dress. However, I think she’d look equally good without the dress.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Lotta hardware on that broad.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think that I’ll agree with you that she gets the axe this week unless Scott fucks up completely.
The Redhead says
Off-key, off-pitch. Nononono, Megan.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She’s got more hip fat that I noticed before. She’s allowed to go.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Shaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddup, Paula!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
A big chair. A high chair.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Dude…so listen…dude…Megan…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’ll miss her. Such a pretty face.
The Redhead says
Randy–never heard a cliche he didn’t like (or use on this show).
Megan doesn’t get it. She actually looked angry when Kara (?) was giving her criticism. Megan = clueless = going home tomorrow night.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Slurp down that spaghetti.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
America’s voters are fickle. Ya nevah know!
The Redhead says
I don’t slurp but Merlin does.
The Redhead says
I personally have an issue with listening, letting alone singing, anything by a group by the name of Rascal Flatts.
The Redhead says
Can anyone say sing-song?
And then right into off-pitch?
Danny + bottom three = tomorrow night.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That put me to sleep.
The Redhead says
“Thrive?” You gotta be kiddin’ me!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Nahhh…he’s got a big fan base. The CHRISTIANS, remember? Your math doesn’t add up.
The Redhead says
They clearly didn’t see and hear the same performance I did.
The Redhead says
The “Christians” don’t mean the judges agree!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
But it’s only you who counts.
The Redhead says
Yeah, he moved me “emotionally,” right into the kitchen.
The Redhead says
Danny’s excited. Breathe it in, kid. You’re not going to be in the final two.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
We’ll see how your homely teenager does.
The Redhead says
I really wish Allison would get rid of that awful hair color. It does her no favors.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’m having a bad hair-watching day.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She’s singing for her generation, not yours. They love it.
The Redhead says
Hey, what is this? I don’t think my opinion is the only one that counts!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The mexican dress isn’t my cup of tea. However, neither is her singing tonight. Not enough Earth.
The Redhead says
I don’t have a problem with her performance or the “idea” of the radical hair color. I’m just saying it doesn’t look good on HER.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It’s her No Doubt dress. Now, we hear incoherent nonsense from Paula.
The Redhead says
The outfit is horrible. Those black leggings make her look ridiculous.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL @ Simon
The Redhead says
No, Mortisha had better taste.
The Redhead says
Gwen Stefani could pull off this outfit but not Allison.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This was an off-week for Miss Iraheta.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Gwen would expose her gums and it would be all over.
The Redhead says
She looks like she should be in that video, Rock Band, or whatever it is but not in a real show.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, I think Gwen, being a willowy blonde instead of a Mexican chubster, would be able to do that dress some justice.
The Redhead says
Make that video “game.”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OMG OMG — the CFO of Facebook resigned. They’re looking for someone with public company experience…does it mean…OMG … that Spacebook…OMG ……is gonna go…… PUBLIC??????
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’d play paintball with Allison.
The Redhead says
Keep it cool, keep it cool.
Have you ever played paintball?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Keepin it real, dude…
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, this is it. Scott either does well….OR NOT!!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
that top note should be accompanied by a minor 6th…he’s changing the piano thingy…
He’s gone this week!
Megan is safe!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It got better as it went along, though. I’ll give him that. That’s ALL I’ll give him.
The Redhead says
What a cliche, doing this B. Joel song. Not to mention this sux.
The Redhead says
I hated this.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula….SSHHHHHHHHHHHHHADDDDDDDDDDDDUP!!!!!!!!!!!
The Redhead says
Paula is makin’ me hurl.
The Redhead says
Simon has got to be kidding me? I just don’t get it.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Rewind…the tape
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He started out shitty, but I actually enjoyed the last third of it. That’s just me. I know nothing.
The Redhead says
Well, I’ve never liked that song so that might have colored my thinking.
The Redhead says
Okay, to be honest, maybe I liked the song for about one minute in the 70s when it came out.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I used to play the sax solo a lot when it came out. I couldn’t have improvised it, but I could play it as it was laid down on that track.
The Redhead says
Well, at first he was off-key but he’s doing better now. Not bad. He seems to have this type of Coldplay (ick) song down.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt, baby…keepin it real, dude. You da BOMB, baby! You came out, took that song, made it your own. So listen dude.
The Redhead says
I didn’t know you played the sax–very cool!
The Redhead says
Paula doesn’t like it but that doesn’t surprise me. She likes the straight-ahead pop stuff.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula…..SHADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUP!!!!!!!
The Redhead says
Although I did call the Coldplay thing!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It was a Coldplay parody, let’s face it.
The Redhead says
No, they just don’t like this type of music. It’s too “alternative.”
The Redhead says
I like Randy.
The Redhead says
I think Kira, Kara, ? is a good judge.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think the judges all agree with MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The Redhead says
I think Matt did what he liked. They didn’t like it. That’s all there was to it. Not all this “over-thinking” it crap, Ryan.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I, of course, said it first. So, that makes it real.
The Redhead says
They did indeed, Sir Mouse.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt likes the R&B crap a lot better than contemporary pop. At least he did in the auditions before he started shitting in his pants and forcing stuff.
The Redhead says
But I named Coldplay first.
So there.
(:
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Lil, baby, it would help if you weren’t singing flat in the intro. And lil, baby, where’d you het that Jap haircut?
The Redhead says
Yeah, she’s got pipes but I’m not feelin’ this. Besides, she is on and off key.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OOMGGGGG…..is that the right note? I don’t know this song. It sure as hell sounds flat as an ironing board.
The Redhead says
The haircut is a traditional pageboy. I think it’s cute.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula…………..shaddddddddddddddddddddddup!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think it’s one of those Jap schvartze things.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
They used to wear those Jap wigs in the Bahamas in the 70s when I was there.
The Redhead says
I don’t know if I agree with Simon. He always uses that term “old fashioned.”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The kid is utterly disinterested.
The Redhead says
Haha! I wouldn’t want to talk to Ryan either!
The Redhead says
It’s a pageboy.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
A grandchild! Randy…dude, you just done been called OLD!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’ll give you a page boy.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I got a picture of me and a babe in the Bahamas back in 1973. She had that same hair. i say…bring it up to date, Lil baby! Get yo’se’f some ALLISON hair!!!!!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Shiiiiiiiiiit…I just deleted an email that pointed me to the best pizza in Schuylkill County, Pa.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Cmon…let’s get Kris and Adam outta the way…I have basketball waiting.
The Redhead says
A pageboy goes back farther than the 1970s.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This outta be weird.
The Redhead says
Oh, man. This is going to be good!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Bring it up to date, Lil. I have spoken.
The Redhead says
He looks sort of like Wayne Newton but doing a Tom Jones thing.
The Redhead says
This Tom Jones all the way!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Adam, dude, you could sing the phonebook! Dude! You da dope, dude! How the hell will it be possible for anyone else to win this thing this year?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ew, Tom Jones.
The Redhead says
This guy is in a whole other league than the others. He’s the clear winner and may be the most talented in AI history (yes, I agree with the judge who said that).
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
All right…let’s hear a load of insipid crap from Paula.
The Redhead says
Steven Tyler????
EWWWWW.
The Redhead says
The guy is an incredible performer. And he has a great set of pipes.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He’s even got the phony gratitude thing going.
The Redhead says
We get no comment from Simon?
I feel ripped off!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Of course, you’re eating crow now. You who called him pedestrian, derivative, and “a poser.”
The Redhead says
Oh, wait a minute. He did say something, it just wasn’t memorable.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon made his comments. Where were you?
The Redhead says
I know, I know. I was wrong. Yeah, there is some “poser” in him but he’s still damn good.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I quote, “That was very brave, Adam. At least we get rid of the karaoke nonsense we’ve had tonight. I don’t think it’s going to make you as popular as last week, but I don’t think it matters at this stage.”
The Redhead says
Yeah, when he made that shout-out to the band, it was just like a pro. He’s way above the other kids and seems a lot more mature than his actual age.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
A shout-out, even.
The Redhead says
Yeah, yeah, I remember. I wasn’t paying much attention right about then.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL…he’s 27. He IS older than the rest of them and has been performing professionally much longer.
The Redhead says
Yeah, but he acts older than 27. He’s got an attitude that makes him seem much older.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, Kris…let’s get this foregone conclusion over with. Time for BASKET-BALL!!!
The Redhead says
The other kids seem so pie-eyed in comparison.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
White boy soul. Let’s see. Keepin it real. Keepin it real.
The Redhead says
Following Adam isn’t going to help him.
(Love the song, though.)
The Redhead says
Not bad. He’s got an emotional thang going.
The Redhead says
Okay, he’s picking it up. I kinda like this.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
There’s a fruit fly buzzing around his neck.
The Redhead says
Yeah, he’s a white boy but he’s doing a good job with this song.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The strings are cool. He’d be good if he didn’t follow Adam.
The Redhead says
Way to go, kid!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Keepin it real Keepin it real
The Redhead says
I’m glad the judges like it. He did a great job.
The Redhead says
And his task wasn’t easy following Adam.
The Redhead says
Votevotevote!!!!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, so Megan goes. But if she has a lot of horny leches like me voting, then Scott goes. Anoop is undoubtedly in the bottom three. Goodnight. Basketball calls. Seeya tomorrow night.
The Redhead says
Who could go tomorrow?
Anook.
Megan (no question).
Matt.
These are the bottom three.
The Redhead says
G’Night, Sir Mouse! See you tomorrow.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan’s got the best bottom of the three.
The Redhead says
I will join you for Megan’s ejection tonight, Sir Mouse. I will be a few minutes late as I work at the b.s. until 9:00 but rest assured, I will climb on board the blog as soon as I can! See you then.