Well, one thing is for certain: American Idol will air its final show of the season tonight and I probably won’t get to see much of it. There’s a basketball game that garners more of my interest. However, it starts at 8:30, so I will be able to watch the first half hour of mindless hype. I’ll augment this with occasional look-ins, particularly at halftime, but otherwise, I’ll rely on the astute commentary of The Runnin’ Redhead to track the progress of our two Idol aspirants.
Not only is this latter day incarnation of Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour scheduled for two interminable hours, but also America’s Sweetheart, Ryan Seacrest, warned us last night that it would most assuredly run long. Those of you who stick with the whole thing to see which one of these two guys whose CDs I would never buy anyhow will win this thing generic diazepam daz 10mg deserve a medal from the Queen. Wait, that’s Adam Lambert. Well, fine, he and Kris Allen are both hoping that people actually watch this thing.
There’ll be B-list entertainers, there’ll be former Idols, there’ll be sardonic pranks played on people, and there will be aspirants who bombed out in the auditions brought back for more ridicule. Perhaps we’ll get to see the bikini babe again. We’ll certainly see the top-10 in the audience and perhaps on stage. Well, make that you’ll certainly see them. I’ll be watching King James decimate the Magic. There’ll be duets with famous B-list singers who have CDs to plug. Rumor has it that Cyndi Lauper will be singing with Adam. Whoop-de-doo!
In the end, all the hoopla leads up to the selection of this year’s Idol. Will it be Kris? Will it be Adam? In the end, it makes no difference. What’s hollow?
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The Redhead says
Runnin’ Red is here for the Grand Finale of American Idol, 2009.
Adam or Kris?
Sir Mouse predicts Kris, I predict Adam.
Who will the voters pick?
Here we go!
The Redhead says
Look at Randy all dressed up!
The Redhead says
Okay, we now know that Kera uses the term, “sweetie” a lot.
The Redhead says
Haha–Ryan has introduced Paula as having the “biggest vocabulary in show biz.”
The Redhead says
And finally, Ryan intros Simon Sez-
We now see a montage of Simon saying “whatwhatwhat?”
Simon Cowell, everybody!
The Redhead says
And now, here are our two contenders, Kris with a “K” and Adam puts the F in flamboyant Adam.
Okay, the sound guy doesn’t have the mic turned on so we don’t catch the pair’s opening comments
Hey sound guy–it’s time to file for unemployment!
The Redhead says
Some woman with the biggest lips and loudest red lipstick I’ve ever seen is outside, somewhere, interviewing Kris’s fans.
The Redhead says
Here we go with “So What,” performed by the Top 13.
So what!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Here is your top 13. I can’t wait for basketball.
The Redhead says
Everyone is dressed in tight white icky, “glamor” white suits.
They’re all singing that they are “rock stars.”
Not in those outfits you aren’t.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The blind kid, Scott, is doing OK with the choreography.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Look! There’s Alexis and Megan Joy.
The Redhead says
There’s the gal with the tatoo on her arm…the blonde…Sir Mouse had a thang for her…what was her name?
Oh, now, Lil is yodeling her W. Houston thing.\
I have to say, this is the cheesiest group opening I’ve seen, therefore, one of the most entertaining 🙂
The Redhead says
Hey–I got the smiley face right the first time!
The Redhead says
Hello there, Sir Mouse! Staying dry?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Her name is Megan Joy! 😀
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I have a couple of roof leaks, but otherwise, I’m dry. I was hiking in the rain this morning and went to the gym in a downpour, but that’s just me.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I take it you ain’t running in this shit.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the Redhead to diss David Cook:
The Redhead says
David Cook is now performing under some tree frog green lights.
It’s soft and moody for him.
The Redhead says
Oh, that’s probably because he suffered a death in the family recently. I think his brother died.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
His mic volume is cranked down way too low.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yes, his brother succumbed to a brain tumor.
The Redhead says
We have some roof leaks, too. Good for you for hiking–no, I didn’t run but I did go to the Y and worked out.
I liked the David Cook ballad part of the song.
The Redhead says
David looks quite different with those blonde highlights.
The Redhead says
Look at those baubles Paula is wearing!
The Redhead says
Oh, here is the part where they humiliate people. I kind of hate this.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The people humiliate themselves by not knowing shit.
The Redhead says
I vote for Michael Gurr.
Or this guy in the plaid suit–wow!
The Redhead says
I think some of them are doing it on purpose, playing the king’s fool, so to speak.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This guy sure as hell did it on purpose.
The Redhead says
OMG!!!
This guy is on to the joke. He’s got a good sense of humor.
The Redhead says
This guy is pretty funny.
The Redhead says
Ryan has a stupid red headband on. Get that thing off!
Here is Queen Latifya and Lil Rounds! Lil looks pretty hot.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OMG Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah.
The Redhead says
The Queen (notice the theme tonight!) is makin’ Lil sound good.
The Redhead says
This is a fun bit.
The Redhead says
Lil is into it, baby!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Lil is loookinnnnnnnnnnn gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.
The Redhead says
Wow, Queen L. is in a tight black outfit. What’s a lot of queen there!
The Redhead says
I meant: That’s a lot of queen there!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Got my heart in chains. Well, this is like where I get off and tune into basketball. Take the con, Redhead!
The Redhead says
We now pause for a word from our refrigerator…er, sponsor.
The Redhead says
Enjoy the game, Sir Mouse!
The Redhead says
And we are back and Anoop has appeared to warble a little island music…oh, here are the other top contenders from this season. They all seem to be relishing their moment in the spotlight.
The Redhead says
Ryan is now asking for the Kris fans to scream and shout.
And now: The journey of Kris with a “K” Allen.
Que video.
The Redhead says
Kris and a country dude–Kenny Chesney?–are bopping to their guitar playing and singing, I Wanna Kiss a Girl.
Kris looks pleased as punch to be there.
The Redhead says
Here we have the AI gals from the Top 13 singing about “the glamorous.”
They look kinda like the Spice Girls. It’s done very much that way.
They’ve now introduced Fergie.
Fergie is rocking a short black dress. She’s wearing some pretty goth makeup though–ewwww.
The Redhead says
Fergie is doing a good job but is she really singing?
Now here are the Black Eyed Peas!
I use one of their songs–Let’s Get It Started–as a running song (on my iPod).
The Redhead says
Ohhh, I though we were in a round for “technical difficulties” but they are back.
The Redhead says
Wow–Fergie is now rocking a pair of skin tight black hot pants.
You would like this, bro.
The Redhead says
I like this group. Not a big fan of hip hop but I like me some Black Eyed Peas.
The Redhead says
They did a great job.
The Redhead says
Back to the Golden Idols.
Category: Best attitude.
Here’s Bikini girl. She got the female judges wound up.
The Redhead says
Alexis Cohen who called the judges “a-holes.”
Tiffany. Man, look at that blue eye shadow. Wow–she doesn’t sing, she yodels!
The Redhead says
And the award goes to…Katrina the Bikini Girl who comes out wearing…a string bikini.
I think she’s had implants.
Ryan: I was gonna ask you what’s new but I think I know.”
(Ryan kissed back this time.)
Ooooh, now she’s “singing.” Sir Mouse, I have a feeling you would approve of her “new additions.”
Haha! Here comes Kyra to sing with the girl!
“I had a vision of love….”
I think Keera surprised B. Birl…and of course, Kyra shows she can blow Ms. B. Girl off the stage as a vocalist.
The Redhead says
BTW, Kara’s dress came undone and revealed….
Guess you’ll have to consult your DVR!
The Redhead says
We are back.
Here is Cyndi Lauper singing with Allison–
Time after Time.
Cyndi is playing the autoharp (I think that’s the instrument).
They both sound good but Cyndi’s concentrating hard on the strumming.
The Redhead says
This is a good tune. It’s a nice duet.
The Redhead says
Allison nearly blew Cyndi off her chair with one of her “big notes” but Cyndi recovered.
The Redhead says
It’s getting a little spastic now in an Anita Baker way.
Okay, we’re back on stable ground.
Nice conclusion.
The Redhead says
We are now talking to Kris’s parents. Kris with a “K” looks just like his dad (who sounds like a Baptist preacher. Is he?).
Team Lambert: Here is Adam’s dad who looks just like the guy who played Batman/Bruce Wayne in the 1960s TV show. Wow. I mean, WOW.
Now here is Danny Gokey singing Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello,” which is a good tune for him.
The Redhead says
Adam West. That was the actor’s name.
Now here is the actual Lionel Ritchie to sing with Danny.
Lionel is looking good, the guy is a kind of singing Dick Clark (before Clark’s illness) when it comes to aging.
Yeah, baby–the time has come, all night long! All night, all night.
Good tune.
The Redhead says
I will say, the AI finale usually has some entertaining musical talent. I remember enjoying it last year and I’m enjoying this year’s as well.
Sorry, Sir Mouse!
The Redhead says
Nice job, fellas!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
First quarter was an abomination. Cleveland 33, Magic 19.
The Redhead says
Adam is now onstage singing, “Beth, what can I do?” I’m not sure what song this is from…
Oh, it’s from KISS who are now onstage with Adam.
Well, I suppose this fits…sort of.
The Redhead says
The guy from KISS is singing but Adam’s pipes are blowing him off the stage.
The Redhead says
I’m Gonna Rock and Roll all night and party every day!
Yeah, baby!
This is working pretty well.
Never been a KISS fan but this is entertaining. And Adam is rocking with his high notes, of course.
The Redhead says
They’ve got the audience (a big audience tonight) on its feet.
The white pancake makeup hides the band members’ ages.
Adam gets the closing high note. Big cheers for the band.
The Redhead says
WTF? The channel was switched on to PBS during the commercial.
The angel on my right shoulder is trying to control the remote 🙂
The Redhead says
Don’t worry. We haven’t missed anything, just more commercials.
The Redhead says
And we are back, LIVE!
The Redhead says
Ladies and Gentleman, Carlos Santana!
I LOVE Santana. Do we diss great violinists as they age? I think not. Same with this great guitarist. He is a master.
Matt is singin’ background. Do we diss Matt?
Oh yeah!
The Redhead says
Carlos is smokin!
Now Adam is singing with the the other idols…smooth, baby, smooth!
The Redhead says
The vocalists are not up to Santana’s excellence–Carlos is great.
The Redhead says
Forget about it! Santana rocks the house!
The Redhead says
Uh-oh. Just scrolled up and saw that the Magic is not doing well in the game against Cleveland.
Get going guys–it’s the NBA for cryin’ out loud!
The Redhead says
Ford commercial now over.
Oh, not yet. Ford has given free Fords to Adam and Kris.
Hey guys, sorry to break it to ya–
Ford: Fix or repair daily.
The Redhead says
Okay, who dropped the acid in my drink? Steve Martin is onstage with some of our Idol singers. Martin is playing the banjo…
Ms. Tatoo gal is singing a nice little bluegrass tune as Steve continues to pick the banjo…
I guess I had forgotten that Martin liked to play banjo.
A nice little ditty. Steve Martin wrote the song. It was called Pretty Flowers. Ryan has asked Steve who is winning tonight.
Steve: I know it’s a long shot, but I hope I do.
Sorry, Steve. No chance tonight.
That’s show biz.
The Redhead says
I wonder if Sir Mouse will be checking in soon. Getting close to picking our new AI. Of course, Ryan warned us that the show will most likely “go over” tonight. We don’t want to piss off the knuckleheads who don’t allow extra recording time when they set their DVRs or Tivo.
The Redhead says
Here are the Idols once more, singing Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.”
I hated that song. Why oh why did Rod the Mod ever cover it?
Is Rod the Mod coming onstage now?
Why, yes, he is!
The Redhead says
Rod’s made a big entrance, and man, does his voice sound awful.
He’s singing Maggie Mae
But I just wish he’d go away.
I think he’s drunk–he’s slurring not just the words but the notes!
LMAO!
The Redhead says
Wow–this is unbelievable. He is def drunk!!!
I guess that’s the only way he could square doing AI.
Got a reputation to protect and all that, luv.
The Redhead says
Man, talk about a “laid back” performance.
Excuse me, Simon, could you please give us an assessment? I’d love to hear it!
The Redhead says
There is absolutely NO energy to Rod’s performance. It’s like scarecrow delivery!
The Redhead says
Needless to say, Rod did not receive an overwhelming reception by the audience.
The Redhead says
And now, our Golden Idol award to Best Female:
Yow! Some gawd-awful singing of Somewhere Over the Rainbow (speaking of scarecrows!).
This is painful.
The Redhead says
Tatiana, the Giggler.
Nothing to laugh about.
The Redhead says
She’s fooling, she’s joking on us.
The Redhead says
Tatiana has won!
She’s running up on the stage. Ryan is begging her–I’m out of time.
She’s singing….no way is she gettin’ off the stage.
This was all planned, of course.
The Redhead says
First quarter is over. Sir Mouse, are you in the house?
The Redhead says
Guess the second quarter is well underway.
We’re getting close, Sir Mouse! Our new AI is about to be crowned!
It’s soooooo exciting……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Redhead says
It’s about damn time! Adam is finally singing Queen, Freddie Mercury (along with Kris, of course)–
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!
My friend…we will go on fighting to the end….
Yeah, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Redhead says
Adam is a great Freddie Mercury.
Kris, not so much.
The Redhead says
The actual band, Queen, is playing behind them!
The Redhead says
Great guitar work.
The Redhead says
They recognize Adam is a F. Mercury reincarnate–
he damn straight is!!!!!
(Well, not the straight part…)
The Redhead says
Brian May, that is the guitarist’s name. Good job!
The Redhead says
Okay, here we go.
Ryan is here with Adam and Kris.
Simon sez: I think you were both brilliant, incredibly nice…future is all yours.
Now, here is the envelope.
The Redhead says
New world record–nearly 100 million votes cast.
Dim the lights:
After nationwide vote…The winner is….
Sir Mouse was right!
Kris Allen.
The Redhead says
Adam–you were robbed.
Mediocrity won, yet again.
The Redhead says
Kris just said he feels Adam deserved to win. Ryan didn’t like him saying that and changed the subject.
The Redhead says
Kris is stunned.
The Redhead says
Adam is in good humor. He knew he might lose due to reason that will remain unnamed.
The Redhead says
All the teeny booper, uh, I mean, bopper, girls are all so happy and all…ooooooooo, Kris with a “K,” we voted for you!
Oh Kris, I called in 785 times to “stuff the ballot” to help you win.
Adam, dude–you were robbed.
But I predict Adam will do just fine.
The Redhead says
And that’s it for Season 2009 of American Idol.
Sir Mouse, I have enjoyed the festivities, as usual. Sorry you had to be elsewhere this evening but I understand–it’s the playoffs!
Find your spot under the couch and sleep well!
Until next January, dude!
The Redhead says
G’night!