Aha! So that’s it.

The Turkey got a call from his genial old veterinarian’s office today, advising this foul fowl that his TSH was too high. Let me gobble that to you in English. My thyroid gland is curtailing its regulatory activities. (I wish the government would follow my thyroid’s lead.)

So, that explains it!

I looked up hypothyroidism on the Internet (which has supplanted all other sources of medical information because of its convenience and ease of searching). Once I got through a plethora of ads for thyroid supplements and various other forms of folk medicine, testimonials by hysterical yet knowledgeable ex-hippies about herbal concoctions, rants about mercury in childhood immunizations, offers to recharge my thyroid with iodine for less than $10 per month, and hucksters pushing remedies that remove up to 25 pounds of waste material that coats my intestines like spackle or paste, I found some good information on the Mayo Clinic site. I should have gone there first, but then I wouldn’t have obtained the latest fecal spackle information. Alas, I digress pastily.

So, upon reading the article, I began to relate to every listed symptom, among them insomnia, joint pain, muscle cramps, and fatigue. However, the most significant symptom for readers of this blog is irritability. If I am to be treated for the other symptoms, will my signature crabbiness be compromised? Will I become a jolly old fat guy instead of an irascible, curmudgeonly old fart? Such side-effects might be unbearable to me.

I promise that I will do all I can to remain as obnoxious and obstreperous as always. You have my word.