Sandusky Gets 30-60, Makes Fashion Statement

The long-awaited sentencing hearing for convicted pedophile Jerry Sandusky has concluded. Judge John Cleland sentenced the tickle monster to at least 30 years and no more than 60 years in the state prison at Camp Hill, near Harrisburg.

The law provided for a longer sentence, but for what? Jer will die in jail, whether of natural causes or otherwise. Things can get pretty unnatural in there. Everybody knows that.

He’ll get credit for the 112 days he’s served at the Centre County Jail, where he’ll stay for another 10 days until his final move takes place.

Still Claims Innocence

Sandusky appeared in court nattily  although somewhat conspicuously attired in a gay, Da-Glo red, short-sleeved, vee-necked jumpsuit with “CENTRE COUNTY” stenciled across its back. It was cinched at the waist by a non-leather, non-metallic accessory that made eminent, albeit low-key, fashion sense when taken in sartorial combination with his clean, white Nike cross-trainers. Accented by off-white nylon cable ties adorning Mr. Jeri’s wrists, the runway glowed with this study in simplicity. It was ageless, yet so 2013! This will make a wonderful wardrobe augmentation to cheer up those drab, gray Pennsylvania fall days. You’ll have all the sexy boys in the Camp Hill big house jumping for joy wearing your hot little playsuit that subtly tells them just who you are while it glaringly shrieks that you do indeed have something they want! This sassy fall jumpsuit by Justice-Suchs, Ltd., Coturiers to the General Inmate Population is available at your local CintAs for only a minuscule charge to your favorite county taxpayer. Let’s have a round of applause for our sexy runway model, Jeri!

And remember, they call it “justus” because when you get there, that’s what you find: just us. (The late Richard Pryor still makes me laugh when that one pops into my brain.)

But I digress.

He spoke up in his own behalf.

“I’m grateful for the opportunity to speak today,” Sandusky said. “I feel a need to talk, not from arrogance but from my heart and there’s so much that I want to say that I’ve been advised not to say … I’m filled with motivation, determination.

“I didn’t do these alleged disgusting acts,” Sandusky said.

They’re all innocent. Every one of them serving time where he’ll be going. He’ll get to tell this to the Court of Inmate Opinion. Chances are that they won’t believe him, either. He’ll just be another fat-assed rich boy to them. Alleged, indeed!

“This was the worst loss of my life, but not the first,” he went on. Please don’t close the book today, [as] there’s a lot left to learn.

“As I began to relive everything – my feelings that so many people were hurt … It was a horrible time in life to witness, to be a part of. Many moments have been spent looking for a purpose.

“Maybe it will help others,” he said, that the tale told over the past year has prevented other vulnerable children from being abused.

“I would hope that it would happen … I would cherish the opportunity to be a little candle for those, as it goes on, as they have been a huge light for me. Hopefully it can get better in our hearts, they are suffering.

“Somehow, someway, something good will come out of this.”

Jerry was really pouring it on at this point, although his voice hadn’t betrayed his sentencing anxiety up to this point, when it began to crack. He undoubtedly knew that after his last prepared words quavered out of his mouth, he would be committing the rest of his life to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania’s applied rock crushing and license plate manufacturing facilities.

“Today is a difficult day, I’m being labeled and sentenced. We will continue to hold our heads up to face what we must and to cling to what we have.

“We’re going to smile because I’ve always smiled through the pain and we’re going to laugh and we’re going to cry.”

Mostly cry. Your appeals will go nowhere, Jerry. Your fate is sealed. On to Camp Hill.

Erickson Issues Statement

Penn State President Rod Erickson issued a lame statement timed to coincide with the sentence announcement. I won’t even bother publishing the platitude. Check the link if you really want to read it. You could probably have written it yourself.

Judge Cleland’s words to the victims, however, are worth re-visiting. He wanted them to hold their heads up and not let the predicament Sandusky put them in be a source of continuing embarrassment.

“You should not be ashamed. His conduct was no fault of your own. It is for your courage and not for your assault that you will be remembered.”

Camp Hill Awaits

Formally known as the State Correctional Institution at Camp Hill, the prison is located in Lower Allen Township, Cumberland County, near Camp Hill in Greater Harrisburg. Its inmate population was around 3,400, as of 2008. It was originally a reform school.

According to a study by the USDOJ in 2010, 1.2% of inmates who responded to a survey reported that they had been sexually victimized at the prison.

Everybody knows (in other words, they’re mostly making shit up because they saw something on TV) that a guy like Sandusky will be someone’s bitch in short order. See, when your friends who get scared when they get a parking ticket tell you about dis shit, dey gotta sound like dey done served some time theyselves, for creds, yo. Dat way, you don’t ask they asses jus’ how dey know dis shit. They don’t. They’re just repeating crap that “everybody knows”, stuff that has been repeated ad nauseam on TV by other schmucks who don’t know what they talking bout.

Overcrowding at Camp Hill was determined to be one of the primary causes of the 1989 riot that destroyed sleeping quarters for 500 inmates and injured hundreds of inmates and staff. If you think they were overcrowded before the damn riot, what the hell happened after they lost 500 beds? Sure wasn’t the Harrisburg Hilton, was it?

It was kind of like the Obama Administration, though, as the guards apparently had good information that an inmate rebellion had been planned, but their pleas for reinforcements and a lock-down were ignored by the prison administration. Shades of Benghazi, yo.

Perhaps Jerry can coach the football team to give the boys some recreational outlets for their aggression and he’ll be the hero for thwarting another three-day riot.

But he’ll still be somebody’s bitch. Those hard-core inmates don’t take kindly to Sandusky’s kind, you know.

Everybody knows that.