The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Archives for October 23, 2013

Ima Dot Yo Eye

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We’re all hoping that the unranked Nittany Lions (4-2,  1-1 B1G) can pull off the big upset over #4 Ohio State (7-0, 3-0 B1G), much like that great game in 1964. The Buckeyes are currently two-touchdown favorites to win the border war with Penn State.

Ohio State BuckeyesSanguinarians notwithstanding, this game has long been flagged as the toughest of the year for the Lions. In this turkey’s opinion, in order to preserve the “mo” they established last week, they have to show some improvement here. We must face the notion that a win is not likely, and thus we can look for other positives, such as not getting completely blown out, as Florida A&M did.

There is absolutely no chance that will happen, praise the Lord. (I won’t use “zero” as an adjective, because I’ve declared it officially not to be an adjective. What is this “zero chance” stuff? It sounds retarded! But I digress.) There is good reason to believe that there is some life in dem Lions. This is the game in which they can make the proverbial statement. It will be rougher than two weekends ago, because unlike Devin Gardner, I think Braxton Miller is not just an athlete trying to play quarterback, but a truly gifted and talented football player. Accordingly, win or lose, the defense must step it up this week. (And I think there is zero chance that they won’t. How’s that for a double negative involving the non-adjective zero?)

Talk amongst yaselves. Discuss!

I’ve been saying all week that Ohio State doesn’t merit the #4 ranking it presently holds. The BCS still relies too much on the polls and we’ll all be happy to say good riddance to it next year when we open up a new can of worms with the playoff system. Ohio State is there because it started out way the hell up there and it hasn’t lost a game yet. But when you look at the statistics and bear in mind the strength of their schedule (or lack of same), you’ll come to the same conclusion as I did, unless of course you’re a Scarlet and Gray homey.

Does an outfit that ranks 79th in passing yards allowed and 81st in passing offense belong in the Top Five? All kinds of teams are completing just a gnat’s eyelash shy of two TD passes per game against Brutus and the gang. So, I’m calling bullshit! I don’t believe OSU could carry Alabama’s jock straps. If they happen to meet in the SSMNC by some strange quirk of attrition and bad FCS algorithms, the Buckeyes will get their clocks cleaned, as they have in the past.

The statistical comparison between the Bucks and FSU and Oregon is even worse. They’re a lot closer to #5 Missouri and teams further down in the pretenders pack than they are to the top three. They don’t scare me. FSU scares me.

Ohio State’s somewhat sub-par (at least yardage-wise) passing offense, though, is probably not a great concern for Urban Meyer, inasmuch as the running game is superb. The constant pounding and threat of a play-action (or whatever Jackstand would call it) pass gives the Bucks a ball control offense that can strike quickly. The rushing offense ranks 11th nationally at 279.6 ypg. Thing is, Braxton Miller doesn’t throw that much but when he does, he tends to hit his targets. OSU ranks 8th nationally in passing efficiency based on the combined efforts of Miller and Kenny Guiton. (Of course, that trails FSU and Oregon, but it’s one notch up from Alabama, who rank 9th.) Through seven games, they’ve completed 70% of their passes, throwing an average of 28 times a game. Miller has had only two interceptions against eight touchdowns passing. His backup, Guiton, is an impressive quarterback in his own right, with a 68.4% completion rate and 13 touchdowns against two interceptions. Ain’t nothing wrong with the Buckeyes’ passing game. They just rely more on the run. Can you blame them?

The Buckeyes have given up fewer than 20 points in only two games: Mountain West Conference San Diego State (3-3 and FCS Florida A&M (2-5). Furthermore, they’ve allowed 30 or more twice, against Cal (1-6) and Northwestern (4-3, 0-3 B1G). Most recently, they struggled in the first half against Iowa (4-3, 1-2 B1G) before winning 34-24. So, I guess you could say that they’ve been lucky to escape unscathed, although there’s something to be said for doing whatever it takes to win games and no more.

What pops out at me looking at OSU is that their rushing defense allows an average of just 92.4 yards per game, good for a seventh place FBS ranking, but just third in the B1G(!). However, they’ve allowed an average of 240.7 passing yards and 19.9 points per game. And who have they played? Wisconsin was the only halfway decent opponent thus far. Otherwise, we’re dealing with Buffalo, San Diego State, Cal, Florida A&M, Northwestern, and Iowa. Pretty crappy schedule, and it doesn’t get much rougher with PSU, Purdue, Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan on the tail end.

On the other hand, the Nittany Lions’ defensive stats don’t impress me much halfway through the season. They’ve given up one helluva lot of points — thrice, they’ve been hit for 30 or more points. Two of those were 40 or more. Thank God for cupcakes like Eastern Michigan and Kent State, because they weigh down the points against average to a deceiving 23.7 ppg. The OSU running game should wear down the front seven by the time halftime rolls around, even though they’ve improved a bit, as evidenced by containing Michigan’s Touissant the prior outing. However, they loaded up eight and nine in the box to do it, and that puts a burden on the secondary that I think Miller will be able to exploit to a greater extent than did the interception prone Gardner (although he still managed to throw for three TDs). The average weight of the OSU offensive line is 310.8 pounds.

With the benefit of all that meat, a healthy, 240 lb Carlos Hyde is way too powerful a runner, one who has topped 100 yards in each of his past two games. Add in tiny speedster Jordan Hall, and you have a tired defense by the third quarter. Hall and Hyde have similar stats, both averaging 6.2 ypc. Hall has eight TDs and Hyde has 5. The “good” news is that Hall has been somewhat lame of late, but he is expected to be close to fully recovered for this game. Would you believe that the Buckeyes have only the third best rushing offense in the B1G, behind Wisconsin and Nebraska?

Some Sanguinarians, buoyed by that last mistake-laden outing against Michigan, are feeling their oats, predicting a second half of the season comeback for the Lions, a few loonies thinking that PSU can “run the table.” If they played on a pool table, maybe they could, but they’re playing on football fields and half of the remaining games are on foreign turf. So, that euphoria needs to be tempered by some realities that will be brought to the fore in this game. Penn State is not yet ready for prime time on either side of the ball, and on special teams as well. The only bright spot could be the PSU passing game, because I don’t think they’ll be able to run on OSU.

So, Allen Robinson will save the day, right?

Yeah, Allen Robinson and all that stuff. He’s great, ain’t he? Felder is pretty good, too. Christian Hackenberg has made his share of rookie blunders, but he has his sparkling moments, too. (Still, way too early in his career to expect him to carry the team on his shoulders or for the team to look to him for leadership.) Robinson showed some signs of ratchetedness in the Michigan game — what I characterized as Keyshawn Johnsonism. However, as they say so unctuously in the basketball world, you want your star player to want the ball at crunch time (no matter whether there’s any crunching going on elsewhere — what the hell is crunching, anyway?). On the other hand, if I might bend you back and forth for a while, you can’t have your wide receivers and your quarterback at odds with each other. That’s where Hackenberg’s youth and — call it what you will — lack of street cred come into play. Besides, the thing is, OSU has got some pretty, pretty, pretty good playaz in the secondary — coupla junior corners and coupla senior safeties who can run with the best of them. Bradley Roby got tossed from last week’s game for one of those controversial “targeting” fouls, but he’ll be playing this week, perhaps a little more wary of who he hits with what. Most of the passing is going to wind up being underneath the coverage, so expect the tight ends, Jesse James and Kyle Carter, to be getting a lot of work. Perhaps Adam Breneman, too, if he’s out of the O’Brien doghouse. Alas, it won’t be enough.

Special teams’ll killya.

Fortunately, that last game was a marvel of suckiness on both sides as concerned special teams. This week, I’m much less worried about the field goal unit than I am with punting. Up against the 11th best punt returner in the FBS, Corey Brown, Alex Butterworth and the coverage unit better be on the ball.

Da Wedda.

Breezy with variable clouds and a high of 54F and a low of 37F. Kickoff being 8PM, it’ll probably be in the 40s for most of the game. Not cold enough for fur-lined jockstraps, so it should be good football weather under the lights at Ohio Stadium.

TV Coverage

This is our prime-time shot. In honor of getting ABC/ESPN/Disney’s top college football crew, Artificially Sweetened opined that we should serve Mus Burgers and Herb’s Treats. I had to demur because the task of catching enough mice would fall on me and I’m too lazy to chase them, although I know of one soporific mouse that ate Xanax. He wouldn’t provide enough meat for a single Mus Burger.

Notable Alumnus

George Steinbrenner and his megabuck pitching staff in 2003.
George Steinbrenner and his megabuck pitching staff in 2003.

The featured alumnus this week is going to be a touch choice because of the veritable plethora of Nobel Laureates, Pulitzer Prize winners, dignitaries of all sizes, shapes, and genders, primo entertainers, and, of course, a shitload of sports personalities. I’ve chosen someone from the sports world, and it is not Jack Nicklaus or Jesse Owens, who certainly deserved a load of consideration in view of their might accomplishments. Let me ask you this: how could I pass up a guy who fired Billy Martin three times? George Steinbrenner, “The Boss”, is my featured alumnus for the week. Although his undergrad days were spent at Williams College, he earned an M.A. at Ohio State, where he was a graduate assistant to Woody Hayes. He also was an assistant football coach at Northwestern and at Purdue back in the 1950s. Most famously, he owned the New York Yankees for 37 years during one of the most successful time in club history. The Yanks won the Series seven times and had a total of American League pennants during his tenure as boss. Steinbrenner died in 2010 at age 80.

Without further ado-doo…

It is time for the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, the feature in which I make a dick out of myself by going against the Nittany Lions. Last time out, I failed miserably, going with the Wolverines minus the points. That puts me at 4-2 straight up, 4-2 against the spread, and 5-1 on the over/under for the season to date. So, I’m doing about as well as Penn State, right? Right. Every gambler knows that the secret to survival is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. So says Kenny Rogers, anyway. What La$ Vega$ is saying about this one ain’t pretty. Buckeyes favored by 14.5 on their home turf, with an over/under of 56.5. The action is suggesting a Buckeye victory to the tune of 36-21. Even if the PSU defense shows up for this one, they’re in over their heads. A little offense would be nice, to avoid a complete embarrassment. OSU is a second-half team this year and a tired Nittany Lions defense will be humbled in the second half. Any second-half scoring will be a bonus for PSU, but as we’ve seen, others have done it. Wouldn’t it be great to break Urban Meyer’s streak? I don’t think it will happen here, but he hasn’t been doing all that well against the spread this year, so I’m going to going to make this no exception. Ohio State 34, Penn State 20. Take the under.

Memories of an Astounding PSU Victory

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Back in September 2006, in anticipation of another classic Penn State vs Ohio State meeting in the Horseshoe, I posted my indelibly shocking memories of a much earlier game from what is now 49 years ago. I thought I would re-post it here without all the extraneous verbiage relating to the 2006 game. Please return with me to those wonderful days of yesteryear, when men were men and could still act like men, when gas was cheap and cars were large, and when Rip Engle was still coaching the Nittany Lions.

The year was 1964. Some of you were around back then, but most of you probably weren’t. For those who were, let me tickle some old memories. For those who weren’t, this is a story worth reading.

It was November 7, 1964, when the unranked Nittany Lions traveled to Columbus to play the undefeated, #2 Buckeyes, who no doubt expected the little Nittany Kitties to be trembling in their shoes in the vaunted horseshoe. Our boys (well, boys who are now in their 60s) were desperately overmatched by an acknowledged national power. Penn State had already lost four games, to Navy, UCLA, Oregon, and Syracuse, carrying a record of 3–4 into Columbus. Meanwhile, Ohio State was 6–0 and thinking Rose Bowl. Buckeye head coach Woody Hayes had a score to settle, having lost at home to Penn State in 1963 by the slim margin of 10–7, and presumably, the coaching legend would have his men well prepared to annihilate these non-conference upstarts.

Back then, PSU was an Eastern Independent, several decades removed from ultimately joining the Big Ten. Our only All-America player was Maxwell Trophy winner Glen Ressler, who played both offensive guard and middle guard (nose tackle) on defense. The quarterback was the long forgotten Gary Wydman. I can recall a few other names from that team, most of which will probably not resonate with you. I believe that the fullback was Tommy Urbanik and the center was named Andronici. Mike Irwin was a carrot-topped halfback from Altoona. Those are about all the names this Turkey’s memory can muster. One more name that was contributed by a friend and contemporary: Jerry Sandusky.

Let me digress briefly to apprise you of how things were at Penn State back then on November 7, 1964. The capacity of Beaver Stadium was 46,284. The University President was Eric A. Walker. The Nittany Lions head coach was Rip Engle and Joe Paterno was his assistant. Our big rivalry games were Pitt and Syracuse. Girls had to be in their dorms no later than 11:30 PM on weeknights and 1:00 AM on weekends. (All women had to live in dorms unless they were married or at least 21 years old, and co-ed dorms were unthinkable.) Students could smoke in class. There was still no State Store in State College; consequently, every Friday afternoon, a traffic gridlock choked the Benner Pike from the “Y” to downtown Bellefonte, where the only State Store was located, as over-21 seniors and grad students stocked up on cheap booze for the weekend for themselves and their underage colleagues. Hi-Way Pizza was brand new and Les’ Subs delivered their greasy sandwiches to dorms and frat houses in all kinds of weather. The all-new ’64-1/2 Ford Mustang was Motor Trend’s Car of the Year and it was setting all-time sales records at a list price of $1995. “Muscle cars” were all the rage and why not? Gasoline was 29 cents a gallon. Nobody worried about its price ever increasing. On the music scene, earlier, in the spring, four shaggy blokes from Liverpool called the Beatles invaded our shores and changed the course of pop music. President John F. Kennedy had been assassinated a year earlier;  four days before the game his successor, President Lyndon B. Johnson had soundly defeated Arizona Senator Barry M. Goldwater in the 1964 presidential election. Meanwhile, a nascent war was expanding in a small country in Southeast Asia called Vietnam, formerly known as French Indochina. The military draft was gearing up for increasingly more conscriptions to fuel that war, which would become a major, divisive social issue on the university campuses of America.

However, on game day with Ohio State, national politics and international conflicts took a back seat to the gridiron, at least in State College and Columbus. This Turkey, then a sophomore, listened to the game on the radio in his dorm room in East Halls, as there was only one “game of the week” on the dorm’s black and white TV back then, and this was not it.

I listened intently as it sounded more and more like the Nittany Lions would have a chance. I thought that their performance was too good to last. Surely, the mighty Buckeyes were merely toying with their pesky enemy. Amazingly, however, when the time keeper’s gun sounded at halftime (yes, we still used guns back then—the official time was kept on the field), the Nittany Lions’ defense had completely stifled the mighty Buckeyes, who slinked into the locker room with negative yardage and a great big goose egg on the scoreboard. Woody must have been incensed. It seemed too good to be true. But as the game resumed, the stunned Ohio State squad still could barely muster any offense, and the Lions dominated for the remainder of the game. In fact, the Buckeyes didn’t get a first down until the PSU first team defense sat down in the fourth quarter. By then, it was too little and too late. Final score: Penn State 27, Ohio State 0.

A ground swell of excitement enveloped sleepy State College. This Turkey was involved in the ensuing celebration at the main campus. We rioted in the streets. Revelers carried some poor schmuck’s Volkswagen down to the pond behind Prexy Walker’s house, now part of the alumni complex, floating it on the water. (It had been rumored that VW Beetles would not sink if they hit the water, and we drunks felt that this experiment would provide empirical evidence to either support or refute that claim. It floated—for a while.) A Pittsburgh bound Greyhound bus parked next to the Corner Room was vandalized by rioters as passengers fled in sheer terror. The then extant “greasy construction workers” vs. “college punks” debate was set aside for the moment, as was the reform-minded ad hoc committee in loco parentis, as State College came together, bubbling over with joy (and beer).

On that particular day, the collective soul of State College was there on the field in Columbus with our brave warriors. The Buckeyes were never in the game. As this game was played before Penn State was regarded as a national power, it was perhaps the seminal event in the football comeuppance of a hitherto oft-forgotten Land Grant University in a sleepy but happy valley in Central Pennsylvania. It was David slaying Goliath. Nobody took us lightly from then on.

The Lions went on to finish that season with a 6–4 record, while the Buckeyes wound up 7–2, their only other loss being to Michigan in their end of season rivalry game. Those records are long forgotten, but this game will live on with all of us who were around back then.

(You’re still waiting for the preview and prediction for this year’s game, but it’ll either be worth waiting for or it will piss you off. I will publish it sometime in the next 24 hours.)