Archives for January 4, 2014

The idiot patrol is whipping itself to an onanistic frenzy on Twitter with reports of Al Golden becoming Penn State’s next head coach, followed by denials that Al Golden has been offered the job, and then oh yes he has, then aiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wheee look at that little birdie way, way up there. All the twittiots want to be first to say they were the first, so they can come back tomorrow and say, “See? I had it before ESPN!” They tweet it out of both sides of their keyboard, so their several versions will always be defensible as right.

Even old Phil Grosz of BWI has joined the insanity.

Here’s StateCollege.com’s take on the ridiculousness.

Hard to say where these things start. Some obscure blog posts a “definite”, and lots of others believe it. Then, they embellish stories of their own with suitable bullshit and others believe them. Of course, behind them all are the ever credible (sarcastically intoned) “sources”.

Jeez, didn’t we just go through a couple day Twitter freak-out with respect to O’Brien leaving? Don’t you people have anything better to do than make shit up to see how many retweets you’ll get? If you’re not making shit up, you’re representing rumors as fact, which is worse. And shame on you, NBC Sports, for tweeting this:

@NBCSports: Miami coach Al Golden is reportedly expected to take the Penn State job.

This was before 8 PM Friday. It is now close to 2:00 AM. All we know is that we know nothing. NBC was getting its information from CaneSport.com, a Rivals site. A competing Miami Hurricane “in the know” site later tweeted that Golden was staying put. Tearing your hair out yet?

The venerable Miami Herald recapped the collection of rumors, just so they could say they had a story — just in case.

This much is pretty certain. Penn State is interested in Al Golden, and Golden is interested in Penn State. The level of interest in either direction cannot be accurately gauged without pulling something completely out of someone’s ass.  Beyond that, we at the Turkey will offer no conjectures and we will make no representations based on Internet rumors, which are completely out of control at the moment. My personal take is that Golden is now a much stronger possibility than I had originally thought. If I can trust the information I’ve seen (other than wild-ass “he’s hired” rumors), he’ll be interviewed by the committee on Saturday. One “source” said the interview was originally to have been conducted on Friday, but the committee was snowed in. I can believe that much.

Another “source” stated that the committee scheduled an interview with James Franklin of Vanderbilt for Sunday. However, the original “source” said that Golden could be offered the job as early as Saturday. I dunno, seems like too much of a circus. Joyner said that the committee would move with due dispatch, but I don’t think that meant they would hire someone without conducting a single interview. Neither did I think that it meant they would pick one candidate and interview only him. Joyner has to make sure the search committee has observed proper protocol, has done its job, and has covered the appropriate bases (read: asses).

I’ve served on search committees at UCF. It was next to impossible to hire someone without conducting and documenting several interviews, necessarily including minority candidates. A search committee couldn’t be programmed by a particular figurehead to “pre-select” someone (the HR types even had a word for it) and then back into a justification. If Penn State has similar requirements, which is likely, they couldn’t hire Golden until they interview at least Franklin or Johnson, the minority candidates, and then meticulously document that Golden is better qualified. (This assumes that he’s actually interested in the job, which we don’t know for certain, either.)

Pay attention to all those conflicting tweets and you’ll get a headache. Go ahead, sit on the edge of your chair. You’ll have a sore ass and a headache. Maybe a lot of chewed fingernails, too. Or just smoke a joint and mellow out like your Turkey, dude. We’ll know soon enough. Like, why waste energy tweeting made-up shit when we can be smoking some? Our lazytime is imperiled here.

Such as. (I know, right?)

So, look. While we’re at it here, blasted out amongst the myriad tweets from the twittiots was a simple request by Penn State junior linebacker Ben Kline to read his letter and pass it on. The damn thing went viral, accelerated by all the attention focused on the coaching situation, further polluting Twitter with a veritable plethora of retweets, which attracted my attention enough to read it. It was well worth the time. Inasmuch as Kline asked that the letter be passed on, here is a link to Ben Kline’s letter. It is uplifting and demonstrative of a commitment by at least one player to uncompromised ideals passed through each generation of Penn State football to its successors.

In other words, Kline is saying, “Stay the course, boys. No coaching change is going to tear us apart. We’re the ones making things happen.”

Furthermore, he’s asking alumni, fans, and supporters to hang in there with the team and him. This, too, shall pass.

Please read it when you get a chance. In the meanwhile, smoke that joint, drink that scotch, pray to St. Joe, and go hug a teacher. When you wake up, Larry Johnson will still be Interim Head Coach and we’ll still be awaiting news of the permanent appointment.

Now, go to bed, already.