Illinois Game Preview and Prediction
In this weekly game precap, we flip multiple birds at Illinois head coach Tim Beckman, we salute a surprise Alumna of the Week, and we make a bold game prediction. If you can wade through all this turkey’s drivel, you deserve a gold star. (But around this time of year, every turkey’s stand might be his last stand, lest the chopping block intervene ignominiously, so I’m spewing while the spewing’s good.)
No, Tim Beckman, we haven’t forgotten your sleazy bottom-feeding bullshit of 2012 and you will be forever hated at Penn State for it. May you suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune in perpetuity, asshole! The Curse of St. Joe will fall upon you for the rest of your born days.*
That having been said, the Penn State Nittany Lions (6-4, 2-4 Big Ten) travel to Urbana-Champaign (or is it Champaign-Urbana?) to kick some ass, facing the Formerly Fighting Illini (4-6, 1-5) on their home turf. The Lions are coming off a semi-snoozefest in which after awaking from a first half slumber they were able to dispatch mighty Temple by the score of 30-13, whereas the Native Americans’ last game was a loss to Iowa with the similar score of 30-14. This was the Illini’s second straight loss after somehow beating well-regarded Minnesota 28-24 on Homecoming Day.
The Illini have lost most of the games they were expected to lose and they’ve won most of those they were expected to win. Two anomalies were the aforementioned Minnesota win, and the unmentionable Purdue loss. (This turkey’s explanation for the latter: Illinois suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!)
Beckman Succccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkks!
It’s another noon start in a crappy, old, half-filled stadium and it is once again being telecast on ESPN2. This is what the Nittany Lions are again this year. The scenario is a bad one, though, man, and you know it. Sleeping through the first half isn’t advisable, but it’s what the Lions do. Looking toward Moo U. after a nice Thanksgiving dinner with the family puts this game on the “let’s get it over with” burner, so it could easily be overlooked. While a watched pot never boils, this one could be ignored long enough to blow over.
Fortunately, Illinois “boasts” the 113th worst defense from the points scored against perspective. They have their rivalry game with Northwestern to look forward to, and they’re freezing their balls. Who will wind up in the West division cellar? Pick one of Northwestern, Illinois, and Purdue. Next week is the Suckage Bowl. This week is a potential trap game, whatever the hell that means. Well, we all know what it means. Northwestern was already Penn State’s trap game this year. Need we have another from the same state, already? But I digress.
On paper, Illinois REALLY sucks. I mean their red zone offense is even worse than Penn State’s — 118th ranked vs. 69th for PSU. They’re 98th in total offense, though, against Penn State’s awe-inspiring 113th. Penn State’s defense ranks 3rd and Illinois’ defense ranks 114th. So, therefore, Penn State wins.
Just kidding. Throw the stats out the window for a second here and look at Chief Illiniwek’s last outing, a 30-14 loss to the Hawkeyes on the Chief’s own Happy Hunting Ground. Iowa just about doubled up on the Chief in every category, amassing 587 yards in a balanced attack. Illiniwek didn’t turn the ball over at all, but shot themselves in the foot with eight penalties for 59 yards and a safety. In that game, they had only 88 yards on the ground and 147 in the air. Iowa’s defense is ranked #18.
The previous week, the Chief got the snot kicked out of him by the Schmuckeyes®† at the Horseshoe, 55-14. Again, they were doubled up on 545 yards to 243. More penalties’ll killya, more third down suckage’ll killya, and four turnovers’ll killya to boot. And tOSU has the 17th ranked defense overall. The Schmuckeyes® went up 31-0 at halftime and never looked back.
Illinois seems by the stats to be even more turnover prone than Penn State, and that’s saying a lot. Methinks turnovers will have a bearing on this game’s outcome, influenced by the weather, which is forecast to be rainy on game day at the time this is being written.
Illinois’ defense sucks to the extent that the Penn State’s running game might have another good day, just like it did against the Owlets. Not that Akeel Lynch or Bill Belton will ever look like Melvin Gordon or anything, but I’m predicting a good day — if PSU can hang onto the damn ball!
With any luck, Tim Beckman will get the Will Muschamp heave-ho after the Northwestern loss, never to darken our football door again.
Whither the Woes of Hack
Ben Jones of StateCollege.com wrote in his blog “Ben State Football” (why the hell didn’t I grab that name? — nahhh, The Nittany Turkey is much more creative) that Christian Hackenberg’s struggles require patience more than criticism. Jones seems to think that everyone agrees that the NFL is salivating to get its hands on Hack the instant he becomes 21. I’m wondering what he’s smoking. The NFL has had its share of washouts who had great promise coming out of high school, excelled in college and never did much of anything in their pro careers, and the League has grown seemingly weary of such wastes of time and money. That’s why (God save me for mentioning this) Anthony Morelli was shunned. The NFL expects more of a quarterback than size and the ability to chuck a ball sixty yards on the fly. So, I’m calling “bullshit” on Jones.
Hack won’t get much NFL interest if he keeps on throwing bounce passes to receivers, not finding clearly open targets, and not having good self-preservation instincts in the pocket. ??? ???? ??????? ??? ????? Yeah, he’s been sacked close to forty times this season, which cannot be eliminated from the conversation or hand-waved away as having no effect on his eventual outcome. Granted, patience will be required for Hack’s devolved skills to return and for those he never possessed, perhaps out of lack of necessity, to develop. However, time waits for no man, and the NFL sure as hell doesn’t, either. Hack needs to reverse his slide. Soon.
In the end, it will be highly skilled NFL scouts who give Hack the thumbs-up or thumbs-down, not highly educated hacks like me and Jones, so take what he and I write with a grain of salt, as you usually do. Everybody’s got an opinion and you know what “they” say about opinions. Just sayin’…
Da Wedda
As I write this, it is 18º in Champaign and the mercury is expected to dip down to the low teens tonight. Along with the wind, it is expected to feel like absolute zero. (No one has actually felt absolute zero, but Chicagoans are said to have observed that temperature several times.) Fortunately, a warming trend is setting in, and by game day an approaching warm front will bring some unstable air to the upper atmosphere, resulting in a rainy, drizzly, overcast day with a high of 50º. But this is Wednesday and you know what “they” say about the weather in [name just about anyplace on the planet]: “If you don’t like it, just wait fifteen minutes and it’ll change.”
So, rain and cold hands (meaning a warm heart) will mean that the aerial attack will be muted, so the ground game better be there. And fumbleitis could be a disastrous diagnosis for either squad, so watch it, man!
Da BROADcast Crew
Yep. ESPN2 at noon once again means the dynamic duo of the energetic Beth Mowins and the inarticulate Joey Galloway joined on the sidelines by Paul Crested Cara-Cara. They’re rapidly becoming Penn State’s own crew. Count that as home field advantage.
And speaking of birds, this leads right into our Alumnus of the Week feature.
Distinguished Alumna
The University of Illinois has graduated many important people in many fields of endeavor, none of whom have made as significant a contribution to my life as this week’s Official Nittany Turkey Distinguished Alumna, referred to in the course of this blog’s history as Artificially Sweetened, although her real name is Jenny [surname withheld to thwart identity theft weenies].
Jenny and I met in 2006 while hiking in the Seminole State Forest in Lake County, Florida, whereupon a mutual attraction was felt almost instantaneously. During that storied hike, we had a close encounter with an eastern diamondback rattlesnake, which is comical in retrospect, as Jenny was hiking in the lead, talking up a storm so much that she didn’t hear the reptilian rattling, and passed within a couple of feet of the confused, coiled critter. It wasn’t until I yelled, “Rattlesnake!”, that she shut up long enough to recognize the danger. Of course, by that time, the snake was no longer confused, just pissed off, as I passed proximally to its chosen defensive position. It kept a close pit watch on both of our infrared signatures as we pardoned our interruption, walked away, and let it get on with its snaky business. This remains my best and most oft-repeated hiking story to this day, in response to which Jenny will undoubtedly retaliate by bringing up several of my own near-death hiking experiences.
On a subsequent hike together, it seemed as if we either dodged or walked through about a zillion golden orb weaver spiderwebs. These are really wonders of nature, spinning the strongest fiber in all of Arachnadelphia — and it’s gold! You can see Jenny admiring one’s work in the picture above. If you should happen to walk into one of their huge webs, it’s almost like walking into a fishnet. That’s how strong the silk is. The female spider pictured would have been about ten times the size of her male partner, had she not eaten him after he did his manly duty. But I digress.
Jenny grew up wanting to be a veterinarian, a career that never came to pass. She is a great lover of nature, both botanic and meat-oriented. (She sometimes disdains Sir Charles Barkley’s mocking conundrum aimed at crazy-ass vegans: “If God didn’t want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat?”) She’s not a Vegan, thank the Lord, but she was once a vegetarian. She loves to hike barefoot, to feel the earth move beneath her feet. I worry vocally about her encountering poisonous snakes and stuff. On a recent hike, I mentioned that, which she scoffingly dismissed.
“How many poisonous snakes have we ever encountered? One?”, she asked.
I reminded her that we’ve sure as hell seen dozens of pygmy rattlesnakes, which happen to be the number one issuer of venomous snake bites in Florida, as well as regularly seeing coral snakes, which infuse a very deadly neurotoxin. Furthermore, I’ve encountered several eastern diamondbacks (which if they’re so shy like they’re supposed to be, why the hell are they always coiled and rattling at me?) and lots of cottonmouth moccasins (which if they’re as aggressive as they’re supposed to be, why the hell are they always looking docile and unthreatening?).
And so it was that on that particular recent barefoot hike, we encountered not one but two pygmy rattlesnakes, one of which was right, smack in da middle of the narrow trail. I chased it with my hiking stick, doing it a favor saving it from Ol’ Penguin Foot’s heavy footfall, and it thanked me by striking my stick twice just to show that it wasn’t taking any shit.
Point made? Nahhh. I doubt it. If there’s anyone in the world as stubborn as this turkey, my Jen-babe is the one.
While AS did not attend the University of Illinois campus in Urbana-Champaign (or is it Champaign-Urbana?), she did graduate from the University of Illinois — the Chicago campus referred to as “The Circle Campus”, colloquially named for a west side spaghetti-like freeway interchange still known as The Circle, even though it officially has been renamed the Jane Byrne Interchange in honor of the late former mayor. The Circle reminds me of witchcraft covens or hippie drum circles, but I digress.
With a degree in microbiology from the University of Illinois, Jenny embarked on a career with Nutrasweet, researching bacterial misbehavior and engineering new microbes, hence the moniker Artificially Sweetened. As if playing God in the lab wasn’t enough, she interrupted her research career for a couple of decades to produce some non-microbial microbes of her own — three of them — who are now all teenagers. The oldest is a sophomore at the Gatorland Zoo, better known as the University of Florida, while the other two, aged seventeen and thirteen, a soccer player and a skateboarder, are still hanging around the house terrorizing Jenny. They’re also occasional participants in the Saturday Madness at The Cave.
Artificially Sweetened became a fan of Penn State football to humor me, but I think at times she actually likes it, even if she won’t admit it. I also got her interested in the Pens and the Steelers. We like to hike and kayak and we are always hoping that we’ll have more time for both, even though life and geezerhood sometimes get in the way. She’s way smarter than I am, although, like me, she doesn’t make shit up most of the time when she pontificates passionately; furthermore, she knows the look on my face when I’m about to mouth off mendaciously, so she can ignore my extemporaneously expostulated, ethereal effluent. However, she has been known to share the joy of my frequent and creative silly neologisms. That she puts up with my bullshit makes her all that much more of a saint.
Jennifer is the love of my life, and the source of great joy. Congratulations to Ms. Artificially Sweetened on being appointed this week’s Nittany Turkey Distinguished Alumna! There will be a media conference and a photo shoot in The Cave after the game. Jenny, I love your artificially sweet (and sometimes sour) self!
Official Turkey Poop Prediction
(You thought you’d never get here, but perseverance pays off — the gold star is yours!!!!) Our Nittany Turkey Official Panel of Esteemed Experts all chose Penn State to win this game at the season’s outset. Penn State opened as a 4.5 point favorite over hapless Illinois on its home turf, but as the week progressed, that spread has widened to almost a touchdown (defensive, of course) — 6.5 points — with an over/under of 44. This suggests a final score of 25-18 or thereabouts in favor of Penn State. As usual, I’m going to be cynical about the Penn State offense and its ability to score points this year. Red zone woes continue, turnovers keep happening, Hack is ineffectual in the pocket, and the running game provided a suspect bright spot last week. Can problems be reversed and the trend of the running game in the waning days of the 2014 regular season? ??? ?????? ?? ??????? Nahhhh, methinks not. But the vaunted Penn State defense could easily score two touchdowns. Penn State 23, Illinois 18 (that’s three touchdowns, each with a missed extra point for Illinois), in another slopfest. Take the under.
Thursday is this Turkey’s birthday, so I’m getting this out of the way early to keep the day free for the surprise testimonial dinner being thrown by the Sportswriter’s Guild of America. OK, I made that up. I’ll be back with a game recap after the sloppy snoozefest is actually played. Oh, and by the way, Beckman suuuuuuuuuuuucks!
*For those of you who don’t recall why Nittany Nation hates Tim Beckman, read this.
†The Schmuckeyes® is a registered trademark of Nittany Turkey Enterprises, Inc. All rights are reserved, and it better not show up in any articles or posts written by Bob Flounders or David Jones. (Somehow, I think I’m safe. ?????? ??????? )
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Joe says
Didn’t think I saw it in your dissertation, but when we east coasters settle in to watch the kickoff at noon, our team’s body clock will be telling them it’s only 11AM (last time I checked Illinois was in the Central Time Zone, but Obama may have issued an executive order to have that changed since then.) I’ll have my prediction in later this week.
The Nittany Turkey says
I don’t think it works that way. One’s circadian rhythms pretty much follow the clock in one’s home base unless he’s displaced for a long time. Being in Urbana-Champaign (or is it Champaign-Urbana?) for a night doesn’t change their circadian rhythms, especially if Franklin adjusts bed check, wake-up time, etc. to correspond to the eastern time zone, as he should. The kickoff time is noon eastern time, to whence their circadian rhythms home, and the clock on the wall should have little effect on the players. To them, as to us, it’s still a damn noon start that still feels like noon. On the other hand, the change from daylight to standard time fucks us all up because it involves a universal displacement (except in Arizona and parts of Indiana, I think).
—TNT
Joe says
Well when we were in TN a few weeks ago, the hour change screwed me up for the first couple of days, but maybe it’s just because my circadian rhythm doesn’t follow the norm.
The Nittany Turkey says
I once wrote a treatise on time changes.
—TNT
hamilton lawrence says
You mentioned Chris “Sackenberg” throwing bounce passes for to his receivers. I have described this phenomenon to my 3 sons, all recent PSU grads, as his passes becoming “Boldenesque”. They wanted an explanation which I provided. You and your faithful readers will need none. But just so you know I want credit for coining that phrase. (Pardon me for having the gall to mention Bolden)
The Nittany Turkey says
I mentioned AM, so you are forgiven for mentioning RB. Notwithstanding mentioning the unmentionable, congratulations on “Boldenesque”, which is certainly a cogent description of a wounded duck throwing passer in a single, poigant word.
Bolden is still performing true to form, as his current QBR at Eastern Michigan is 81.8 (and falling), as opposed to Hack’s 106.4 (and falling). After a 38-7 drubbing by the Chippewas, Bolden was benched in favor of Reginald Bell, Jr. for the Western Michigan game, lost by the Brick Dickers once again, but by the even wider disparity of 51-7.
I do like to keep track of our old, departed “heroes” [snicker].
—TNT
Artificially Sweetened says
I’m very flattered to be this week’s featured alumna. Lest your readers question my allegiance for this game, I wish to point out that I did complete an online course at PSU in 2009, and even visited the mighty Lion shrine (and other important Happy Valley landmarks) on a visit to State College. I am a more a fan of the Turkey than football, it’s true. The atmosphere in the Cave on game days is always electric with anticipation and references to 1994. I love being a part of it. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!
The Nittany Turkey says
Yes, you not only visited the lion shrine but you also rode the lion like a rodeo bull after only a couple of beers at the Deli. We were able to sober you up at the Creamery where you blasphemed, declaring Peachy Paterno “not the best peach ice cream”. Alas, I never got to show you the Calorimeter Museum, which was the singular deficit in an otherwise great road trip.
—TNT
Big Al says
Your write-up captured the key point. The team that has the fewest turnovers wins this game. If the turnovers are even, State wins. Neither team is good enough to win with a negative turnover margin. If I were betting on this shisser, I would take Illinois and the under. Assuming an even turnover margin, I think State wins by about 4 points – something like 20-16.
State’s running has improved but those improvements have been offset by the degraded passing (i.e. quarterback play). The net effect is that total offense is back to where it was against Rutgers (i.e. around 370 yards per game). But that’s a whole lot better than it was during the Michigan to Maryland stretch (where they averaged 215 yards per game in regulation.)
“Sack” doesn’t really remind me of any former Penn State quarterback. Seeing as how this is Illinois week, I nominate Jeff George as his best comparison. (Unlike most Penn State football blogs, I think your readers are old enough to remember Jeff.) He had a decade long pro career because he could make throws no other quarterback could make. Unfortunately, he also routinely missed throws that any pro quarterback could make.
Right now, “Sack” is Jeff George with “the yips.’ The off season, plus an improved offensive line next season, could cure the yips. But I don’t know if it will cure his Jeff George tendencies.
PS Loved your Artificially Sweetened write-up. Now I understand why you use term
The Nittany Turkey says
Ahh, yes, Jeff George. What a putz he was. I hope Hack never develops his attitude, which was partially responsible for his being an NFL vagabond. I can remember at least four whistle stops on his tour: Colts, Falcons, Raiders, and Vikings. There were probably more. He seemed to be a misfit wherever he went. I hope to hell Hack doesn’t wind up like that.
Got you for Penn State 20-16 and the under. PSU not covering the spread is a good bet, methinks.
—TNT
K. John says
I don’t really get where people are coming from with picks. Most seem to be picking Illinois to get 14 to 17. Ain’t happening, unless of course they score them by way of the defense or Penn State is well ahead in the fourth which is a distinct possibility.
On a cold wet day, the State defense shows up, shuts down the run forcing Illinois to throw, throw and throw some more. The sacks come in bunches and so do the turnovers.
State plays it safe on offense turning to their new found running game which shows up for the second straight week as Dieffenbach takes more snaps and Mangiro settles into his new home at guard. Mahon, Gaia and Dowrey do not play a down until the fourth quarter and the line provides Hack with good protection and Hack does well with what he is given going deep a few times.
State 38
Illinois 9
The Nittany Turkey says
I believe you’ve established a reasonable minimum for Illinois points and an an absolute maximum for Penn State points. I do not know from whence all that offense comes, but I’ll be delighted to see this newfound offensive juggernaut on Saturday if you’re right. Or do you have the defense scoring three touchdowns?
So Donovan’s got a secret wildcat plan that includes Überyinzer Dieffenbach taking snaps?
Got you for the lopsided, blowout win, with PSU covering the spread and you’re all over the over.
—TNT
K. John says
Illinois turnovers deep in their own territory.
The Nittany Turkey says
I couldn’t leave the total number of comments at 13. That would be unlucky, at least for those with triskaidekaphobia.
—TNT
Michael Geldner says
Cold weather will keep the scoring low. Penn State defense should dominate. Lions 24, Illini 13. Happy Birthday, Mr. Turkey!
The Nittany Turkey says
You call that low? If that’s low, what the hell would you call the Rutgers score? I’d be happy to see your score come to pass, though, so don’t get me wrong.
Got you for the good guys winning and covering the spread, and you’re going with the under.
Thank you very much for the birtday wishes. If you ever catch up with my advanced age, I’m in big trouble!
—TNT
Joe says
On a gloomy, rainy day in Illinois the Lions get #7 to the tune of 27-14. Defense will screw up coverage on a couple of deep throws and the offense will score 3 TD’s by land or air-I don’t care which way as long as they score. I’m not convinced the running game is there yet, even though pretty much everyone is gushing about it from last week, but the Illini rush defense is really, really bad so I do expect some measure of success.
Y’all should read Nate Bauer’s piece from BWI, it’s interesting and I concur with what he’s saying.
https://bwi.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1706726
The Nittany Turkey says
That’s a nice, parternalistic (and sometimes patronizing) piece by Nate Bauer. He offers his own opinion while condemning others’ as “uneducated”. Snippets of truth appear here and there to accompany what is mainly conjecture, ostensibly lending to Bauer’s credibility.
He makes some good points, but so do others. Some blame the sanctions, some blame the unfamiliar system for Hack, some blame the O-line, some mention his age, etc. I agree that Hack has withstood a lot and persevered. I give him great credit for showing up for punishment week after week. If that’s Bauer’s point, he should stop with that, inasmuch as he’s as “uneducated” about the rest of the reasons for Hack’s deficiencies this year as are the rest of us, especially given Franklin’s closed door policy. We have only observations on which to opine, and I’ll continue to assert that my opinion, your opinion, Big Al’s opinion, Hamilton Lawrence’s opinion, and K. John’s opinion are as good as any.
How about Brooks Bollinger’s opinion? Who, you ask? Ahhh, the beleaguered quarterback from Wisconsin’s own version of [cue cello] The Dark Years. In the wake of Hack’s approaching Bollinger’s record for sacks as a Big Ten quarterback, your favorite writer, David Jones, interviewed him and recorded some understanding commentary. Read it if you dare.
All of this, of course, begs the question. Yeah, Hack has persevered, but after enough marbles being shaken loose, for how long will he continue to do so? At some point it becomes a matter of faith.
—TNT
Joe says
Well, everybody needs someone to stand up for them once or twice in their life! Conjecture or not, I’ve seen some vile stuff out there about this kid and I’m glad Bauer put together a “nice”, paternalistic and sometimes patronizing piece” about the situation even though as you state, it’s as much “by guess and by golly” as the shit we post on this site.
Yeah I relented and read the Jones article you referenced mostly to get Bollinger’s reaction. Seemed like if you lived through something almost identical if not worse like he did, your offered opinion on Hackenburg’s downturn in performance means something.
And as you said somewhere recently, opinions are like a certain piece of anatomy-we all got ’em; especially on this site!! And that’s why the six of us (on a good week) keep coming back.
While we’re talking about Penn Live reporters, did you listen to Flounder’s podcast this week? He had Adam Breneman on as his guest. The sound quality sucks, but he does give some good insight in to the TE play this season. If you care, here’s the link.
http://www.pennlive.com/pennstatefootball/index.ssf/2014/11/one_on_one_penn_state_te_adam.html#incart_river
The Nittany Turkey says
Some additional comments about the Bauer article can be found in Big Al’s comment and my reply. Otherwise, I agree that supportive commentary by the sports media is all too rare. There’s a lot of shit being slung, so it is fine for Bauer to supply a counterbalance.
I had read Flounders’ synopsis, but I hadn’t listened to the podcast. It’s just a matter of nailing my ass down for 16 minutes to listen to it.
I found Breneman’s commentary on tight end production interesting, so I might wind up listening to the whole thing.
—TNT
Big Al says
Despite Bauer’s smug and whining tone (typical for candy ass millennials I guess), he does raise one good point: Is Hack playing with a physical injury rather than a mental one?
During his recitation of Hack’s statistics, Bauer neglected to mention that Hack’s completion % and yards per attempt cratered after the Ohio State game. I wonder if he was injured during that game. The reason Hack’s year to date statistics look comparable to last year is because his performance carried the offense in the 1st 7 games, especially the first 2.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, I caught that distorted stat comparison with last year, but I can’t blame Bauer too much for employing the old stat whammy to emphasize the point he wanted to make (whatever it was). Hell, I’ve done similar things with stats, taking them out of context to “prove” something cheaply. Fortunately, my readers (all six of them) are too intelligent to fall for it. Perhaps Bauer is playing the odds with his much larger audience (seven or more — just kidding). Anyway, unlike me, I think he was trying to be serious.
I think the tenor of the article was, “Let’s support Hack. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve all the shit being slung at him. So, shut up!” I agree with the support part, but disagree with the suppression of criticism. You have to separate the types of shit being slung. It ain’t all black and white. Some of the critiques have valid points to make. Some are just assholes spewing what assholes spew best. I agree with the notion of supporting Hack, who has hung in there through adversity, instead of calling for him to be benched or questioning his manhood. However, there is a lot of ground between heaven and hell, and what happens on this earth is always somewhere in-between. Valid criticism should not be suppressed.
Furthermore, we’re all paying big bucks for this form of entertainment, so we get to spout off, whether it be in bars, in living rooms, or in The Nittany Turkey. Sports fans are cruel at times. It’s a cruel world. In Philly, they boo Santa Clause at Eagles games. Seeking emotional support in this cynical, sardonic world of sports fandom is going to leave you very disappointed. Some, like Bollinger, have quit the game because of it. You can’t be an emotional pussy with fragile feelings in this big money game. Get over it!
The article had that “play nice, children” tone that I don’t feel like hearing.
What if Hack was my kid? Yeah, I’d be protective and I would lash out at those who criticize him. But I would be wrong, because he’s a man, he’s playing a man’s game, prepping himself for a multi-million dollar career laden with agents, broads, and much more, higher level criticism. He’s got to learn to withstand these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune on his own, or perish. (Borrowing from Shakespeare as St. Joe would do.)
I read BWI every week and even though Phil Grosz has stepped back somewhat from daily ops while peppering the stew with a lot of cub reporters who sometimes counterbalance Phil’s nostalgic optimism, I can “feel” Phil in everything I read. He needs to get rid of that Beatle haircut and wise up! Pollyanna lives in the body of Phil Grosz. End of gratuitous Phil Grosz rant.
There should be a weekly publication for smug, cynical, pessimistic assholes like me. Wait, that’s what this is!
I’m rambling, as usual.
Anyhow, interesting point about whether Hack is physically injured. Whether physical or mental, his game is indeed taking a hit, which all the stat rationalizing and Franklin’s silence serve only to obfuscate further.
—TNT
K. John says
This one is off topic but as I alluded to a previous post, I bagged heading to glorious State College in favor of sticking close to home and attended the Maryland vs. Michigan State slug fest that wasn’t in College Park. A 20 minute drive and the ability to sleep in my own bed won out over a 3 hour drive and over-priced State College hotels with a two night mandatory stay. I tailgated with a bunch of Maryland grads who were surprisingly welcoming. It was chilly but not too cold. The lots closest to the stadium never filled up but the stadium was quite full. As far as Penn State relevant observations I will throw a couple out in bullet point form.
1. Connor Cook locks into Tony Lippett every time he is the intended target. And by locks in, I mean he doesn’t look else where. If Lippett is covered, he gets happy feet and takes off. There are sacks and picks waiting to be had.
2. Maryland didn’t get a lot of pressure but they got quite a bit and they only rushed four for most the game. I think the D-line keeps Connor on the move for much of the game and much like Hack, he doesn’t throw well on the run but is more athletic than people think.
3. The corner that starts opposite Trae Waynes is not very good. Neither is their strong safety and their free safety is over-rated. Having seen them play in person, the outcome of the Oregon and Ohio State games aren’t as surprising as they appeared.
4. Michigan State’s linebackers are great against the run but horrible in coverage. I would have to assume they played big rolls in the before mentioned losses. Maryland tight ends were running free and the underneath stuff was there all night for CJ Brown.
5. Maryland did a pretty good job of defending the Spartan running game through three quarters before a pick six broke the game open. If they play as good as they did on Saturday in Ann Arbor, Michigan’s slim hope of getting a sixth win is non-existent.
6. Maryland fans were cheering, “Sissy” when Tony Lippett went down with an injury (he did return) early in the game. Classy.
7. Maryland’s uniforms are even uglier in person though the all black is their best outfit.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’ll concur with points #6 and #7 at this point, but save comments on the rest of the bullets until next week. As St. Joe used to say when questioned about future games beyond the current week, “You guys can think about other games but we gotta work on Illinois now and they’re a good football team.”
—TNT
psudrozz says
i like Illinois’ stadium. Had a chance to visit it a few years ago. Feels like stepping back into the 20s. It was refreshing not having awful music pumped in between downs.
Anyhoo, PSU sticks to the ground game and the O/U on Hack pass attempts is set at 18.
PSU 34
Illinois 20 (garbage time td)
psudrozz says
also, happy birthday Turk!
The Nittany Turkey says
Thanks, Drozz. As if remembering the days of Richie Lucas isn’t enough, each birthday serves to remind me how ancient a turkey I is!
—TNT
The Nittany Turkey says
OK, we got you for the thumbs-up on Memorial Stadium, the nix on the stupid music, and the offense optimism (on both orange and blue sides). You and K. John have the over covered, so my sports book won’t go bankrupt.
Interesting prop bet on the Hack passing attempts o/u. How many completions? The predominant ground game will lead to some play action opportunities, if they can execute. I’m not yet convinced that all is well with the running game, though.
Back to the music, I share your annoyance with having to listen to that crap at every professional sports venue regardless of the sport (except maybe bowling). It’s distracting and circuslike. I wanted to yell something at a hockey game just as the guys were facing off, but the music drowned me out. It was only, “Staal, that beard looks like shit!”, but still…
—TNT
eyedoc90 says
Disagree with you about Beckman. Not that he sucks. Not that he is a bottom feeding sleaze. But it would be bad luck if he gets fired! As long as he is at Illinois, they will never amount to anything. Hope he coaches there another 50 years!
The Nittany Turkey says
He seemed to be good enough today.
—TNT