…so fire the coach(es)!
That’s how the common wisdom goes. As of about 2 p.m. yesterday afternoon, the remaining four Penn State fans who didn’t yet want to fire John Donovan caved in to the majority opinion, and this turkey can’t blame them one iota. What the hell happened? Read on.
You all know by now that the game that was supposed to be the easiest of the year turned out to be a nail-biter. The Penn State Nittany Lions (4-1) narrowly defeated the Army – West Point Black Knights (1-4) 20-14 on a sparsely attended, rainy Saturday nooner at Beaver Stadium. The Lions squandered a veritable plethora of opportunities — at times, it appeared as if the football gods were doing everything in their power to hand the game to Penn State, but they couldn’t capitalize on most of the chances. Army won the battle of the stat board; aside from some notably fine individual performances on defense, the Lions didn’t come to play. I’ll comment on this game, on the offense, and on what we can look forward to or cringe over in the remainder of the season.
You can blame just so much on the coaches, and no, you can’t fire the team, but the offense sure as hell sucked the big one out there! I guess they thought they could mail it in because they were favored by three touchdowns plus. This game was off the board in Las Vegas at the outset, but some houses were booking it toward the end of the week, establishing a 27-point spread. That’s a major, no-brainer overlay in a game where only 34 points wound up being scored, re-emphasizing that you will never go broke taking the opponent and the points against Penn State, but I digress. Coaches are responsible for getting the damn team ready, and this one wasn’t. It was bad, bad.
How bad was it? First, I’m obviously going to want to indict our offensive coaching geniuses for their part in the debacle. That would be James Franklin and John Donovan. This is the kind of game in which you want to jump out to a quick lead and make the run-oriented offense of the opponent sweat while you grind it out. Control the game and tire them out. Our coaches apparently didn’t like that idea, as was reflected by their ultra-conservative play calling for the entire first half. Sustained drives were nonexistent, as was the vertical passing game. The offense sputtered. although due to enemy turnovers, three of them, the Nittany Lions just couldn’t help but capitalize a couple of times, taking a 10-0 lead into the locker room at halftime. Yea, verily, you don’t want to pull out all the stops in the rain against a non-conference opponent, but you might want to see some offense. We didn’t.
Of course, PSU was hampered by the absence of Saquon Barkley and Akeel Lynch, and it showed, with the Lions managing to gain only 108 yards on 34 carries. Nick Scott was the leading rusher, with 12-54 and a touchdown. Penn State didn’t turn to the vertical passing game until late in the third quarter. Why? Hell, we thought we had finally discovered that the Lions actually had a passing game last week against San Diego State, so why wait if the running game ain’t working? I guess it makes for a great play-action fake if your opponent gives up on defending the deep pass completely because you show no signs of wanting to use it. Toward the end of the third quarter, Christian Hackenberg hit three passes in a row, a nine-yarder to Kyle Carter followed by a 49-yard bomb to Chris Godwin, and finally a 33-yard toss to Mike Gesicki for the touchdown. Three plays, 91 yards, starting at the PSU 9.
So then what does your brainy coaching staff do, leading the game 19-7 at that point? They opt to kick the extra point, which does them no good whatsoever, instead of going for two, which would mean Army would need two touchdowns and only two PATs just to tie. Nahhh, enamored of Joey “Big Toe” Julius’ bunion-free kicking foot, I suppose, they opted to go for one. That way, two TDs and two PATs would win it for Army. Duh!
After the touchdown gave us a false sense of security, the tired Penn State defense got back on the field following a respite of a mere 1:13 (plus about five minutes for TV commercials), whereupon they immediately yielded a touchdown. The defense’s fate all afternoon was getting back on the field too soon, because sustained drives by the Penn State offense were nonexistent. Once again, the Nittany Lion offense sucked on third down, converting only five of fifteen, producing a mere 12 first downs to Army’s 17. Army held onto the ball longer, 31:19 to Penn State’s 28:41. Hackenberg also sucked with those third-down safe sideline passes the coaches somehow thought were advisable, spraying them willy-nilly.
What’s Up With Hack?
Speaking of Christian Hackenberg, what the hell is going on with him? At some point during the game, I mentioned that Trent Dilfer had likened Hack to Hall of Famer Troy Aikman; in the course of that discussion, I brought up another quarterback whose name I cannot mention but it starts with an “M”. Yeah, were it not for those three passes that covered 91 yards at the close of the third quarter, Hack would have completely sucked. His line was 10-19 for 156 yards and one touchdown. Take away that one three-play drive and he would have been 7-16 for 65 yards the whole day. ???? ???? ????? ??? ???? True, he stood behind the Nelsonless Five Traffic Cones and wound up getting sacked three times. True dat. There’s enough blame to go around here, so work with me, folks.
Back to “mailing it in” — didn’t it seem that way to you, too? We all know how Penn State sucks at noon starts — they get another one next week — but this was a particularly lackluster effort by the damn offense (or lack of same). Someone wrote that they should have come out wearing pajamas instead of uniforms. I don’t want to make any conjectures that will gain traction and go viral on the Internet, although there’s not much danger of that occurring when I have only six readers and four of them are too disgusted with the Army game to read this far, but let me ask this question: Do you think Hackenberg (Aikman) is so pissed off at his incompetent coaches that he is either deliberately or subconsciously slacking off? He obviously has some great deep passing capabilities, but he was not allowed to use them until late in the third quarter. He undoubtedly wanted to, but our offensive brain trust’s conservative play calling precluded it. So, if I’m an ultra-competitive guy like Hack, I’m seething inside as I’m asked to dink and dunk. With each throw I get more and more pissed off, until I’m seeing red each time I drop back in the pseudo-pocket. I tighten up and throw bounce passes, throw behind receivers, and sail passes over their heads. Then, they finally let me wing a couple. ????? ??????? ??? ????? The red veil lifts and my ire is temporarily assuaged. I relax and make some good throws.
Don’t blame the weather for Hack’s woes in the first half. There’s more to it than that. I’m not saying that he’s incompetent as a quarterback and I’m not saying that his freshman year was a fluke. But something is going on there. ???? ???? Whether it is bad chemistry between him and Franklin and Donovan or attitude issues, I don’t know, but Hack is too good technically to be sucking so badly. I know I’m ignoring the issue of incompetent receivers and I’m not taking into account some shitty weather, but for the sake of this essay, I’m putting just Hack under the microscope. Dilfer said, “out of that situation– which is not a good situation at Penn State — scouts and FMs and coaches will drool over Christian Hackenberg.” James Franklin disagreed that Hackenberg is in a bad situation. What do you think?
To turn raw talent into a polished winner requires great coaching, whether we’re talking about individual players or entire teams. Hack responded well to Bill O’Brien’s coaching and his “system”, playing alongside other players who were likewise inspired. Who will ever forget that season-ending Wisconsin game? O’Brien knew how to get the guys going. Things are different now. No one doubts that there is some great talent on this year’s offense, but they’re underachieving. Why? One can only point to uninspired coaching and ineffective play calling by the Franklin-Donovan axis. I have no doubts that Hack can play better — much better — than he is playing now. Doesn’t that make Penn State “not a good situation” for him?
No Cupcakes on the Horizon
All I gotta say is that he better shape up soon, because NFL aspirations notwithstanding there are no more cupcakes on Penn State’s schedule. (Whether any of PSU’s opponents this year could be classified as cupcakes is debatable.) The whole damn team better realize that Indiana (4-1, 1-0) is for real, as they were a gnat’s eyelash away from beating tOSU this weekend. Illinois (4-1, 1-0) beat Nebraska (2-3, 0-1) this week. Maryland (2-3, 0-1) is probably the crappiest of the remaining opponents PSU will face, but the Terps are by no means an easy victory. The rest are ranked: #1 tOSU (5-0, 1-0), #4 Moo U. (5-0, 1-0), #13 Northwestern (5-0, 1-0), and #18 Michigan (4-1, 1-0). Nothing is easy now. This is an uphill fight for eligibility for the Toilet.com Bowl. Can you see two wins among those seven opponents at the moment?
Yeah, right. I know. St. Joe said that you’re never as bad as you think you are when you win ugly, or something like that. Paraphrasing St. Joe is my wont — I’m the Nittany Turkey.
Again, I implore you to tell me over which of the remaining seven opponents will the victories be achieved? Michigan, Northwestern, and tOSU rank 2, 5, and 14 in the FBS in total defense. How will Penn State’s 119th ranked offense fare against teams with real defenses. Hey, maybe Maryland with their 109th ranked defense is a possible win when all is said and done. By the way, Indiana, our next foe, ranks 19th in total offense with average yards per game just a tad under 500. Who among us regarded the Hoosiers as a “gimme” at the outset this season?
Any Rays of Hope?
Now, look, I spent the whole time writing this in a bitchy mood, so let me just take the opportunity now to look at some positive aspects of the Penn State performance.
(This space intentionally left blank.)
Seriously, though, the defense had its moments, driven by the consistently solid performance of Jason Cabinda, the Nittany Turkey Defensive Stud of the Game, with six solo tackles, eight assists, and two sacks. Jordan Lucas wound up with five solos and three assists, although this was an indication that Army runners were getting deep into the Penn State secondary. After all, Army passed only once. On the “although” front, Lucas and the PSU secondary were seen missing tackles, too, so this is another thing that must improve. Some of those teams I listed above actually have offenses. The defense in general performed “pretty well”, but they were on the field an awful lot and appeared to tire in the second half. Army was able to bust runs up the middle from time to time, something we don’t expect to see from this defensive front seven.
Special teamswise, punter Chris Gulla regressed to the mean and then finally sustained an injury, leading to the insertion of previously benched Dan Pasquariello to replace him. Gulla had five punts for 32 yards, including a stinkeroo of an 11-yard shank. Oy vey. But Joey “Big Toe” Julius compensated by having a perfect day kicking field goals.
Wrap This One Up and Toss It in the Trash
So, in summation, yeah, the coaching sucks, from James “Keep a Positive Attitude” Franklin to John “One Foot out the Door – We Hope” Donovan, but also we saw a piss-poor effort by the offense ONCE AGAIN! Let’s see how they did with the Nittany Turkey’s five keys to the game from my preview and prediction:
- Show up. One team showed up to play at noon, but it wasn’t Penn State — par for the course, methinks.
- Don’t get sloppy. Penn State was careful with the ball, I’ll give them that. No turnovers at all by the Nittany Lions, while they forced three by Army. A +3 turnover rate with 10 points scored off turnovers ain’t too shabby.
- Watch the outside. Everybody knew that the triple-option offense run by Army would stress the defense, and it did — not only on the outside, but in the vaunted interior as well. Army ran for 261 yards on 55 carries.
- Use the vertical passing game. I talked enough about this already. The vertical passing game was nonexistent until late in the third quarter.
- Convert third downs. I said it would be a complete embarrassment if the Lions didn’t convert more than 50% of third-down situations. It wound up 33% — against one of the worst defenses in the FBS. Color me red, damnit! I’m embarrassed, and the team sure as hell should be, too!
By my count, they blew four and accomplished one. Bleccchh!
Among our predictors, Artificially Sweetened gets the nod for keeping her anti-sanguinarian feet on the ground with a prediction of 27-14. This turkey completely sucked with his prediction, hoping that the Lions would pay attention to the Turkey’s five keys to the game. They didn’t, hence my prediction of 42-14 suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked, but at least I got the 14 right.
And so, the Big Ten schedule is in full swing as the Hoosiers come to Beaver Stadium next Saturday for another nooner. I’ll be back with a preview and prediction.
Share this:
Share this:
Discover more from The Nittany Turkey
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
keith e. nelson says
Coach for the players you have. Talk to Hack and the receivers, and use ALL of them in a vertical passing game with hard-to-predict varied routes, depths etc.that uses their strengths rather than some badly conceived offensive scheme. Get onboard with all of them and show them off, build their objective pride and confidence. TIRE the defenders out by an all-out passing game with variety and imagination; often use hurry-up after a long/middle passing route. Bring in new coaches who understand the passing game.
The Nittany Turkey says
All good thoughts, but is the present coaching staff capable of adopting that approach? Your closing sentence answers that question, and at this point I’m inclined to agree with it.
—TNT
jd says
the head coaches of the football teams i love dearly are Franklin and Chip Kelly.
Neither appears to know what they are doing on offense.
The Nittany Turkey says
Funny how Chip Kelly could put up those big numbers at the duck pond, but can’t score enough to beat the friggin’ Redskins now.
I had to parse your first sentence a couple of times to discern which clause was subordinate, and whether you loved Franklin and Kelly or their teams. You’re a lawyer, so I’m think the ambiguity was deliberate. Nevertheless, I settled on your intent being that you love the Lions and the Eagles dearly, not Franklin and Kelly.
What a horrible thing — no offense on either of your dearly beloved teams. I feel for you. (At least I’ve got the Stillers when Big Ben returns.)
—TNT
jd says
While my job is intellectual property (patent examiner), i am not a lawyer! I got my degree in mechanical engineering from PSU, then went on to work avionics troubleshooting (electrical engineering) on A-10s for the air force, and now work at the USPTO examining patent applications in vehicle data acquisition systems.
The Nittany Turkey says
Oops, mah bad. Didn’t mean to get you in trouble with the ABA!
For whatever reason, I’ve always thought you were a PSU/ Dickinson lawyer. Maybe it’s your initials JD triggering juris doctor in my brain. Anyhow, I stand corrected and I apologize for my unintended slight.
Question: What’s the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
Answer: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
—TNT
jd says
classic
WALT KUBANY says
Last year at the beginning James Franklin mixed with players (Hackenburg) on the sideline. By the end he had tuned Hackenburg out completely. This year he appears LOST. Wait till Canvasback Hack gets to tell his story.
DID YOU NOTICE? The Army game was the first one where he was masking his words using a piece of paper, or his hand. What coachspeak does he have to say worth having some Navajo decode?
“GET BACK!!! STAY BEHIND THE LINE. KEEP OFF THE FIELD!!!”
– those words will grace the base of HIS JoePa statue when they sculpt him soon.
The Nittany Turkey says
LOL… yeah, those trivial words will grace his statue, alright! You’re already erecting statues of the guy and he hasn’t done shit? I’d like to know who in his or her right mind would even think in that direction. Only you, Kubany. Only you.
Did you hear his rant at the post-game presser? I think the screws might be coming loose.
—TNT
WALT KUBANY says
Ah!!!! Perhaps you and your homers are realizing this.
Hack is going to go in the seventh round and his name will read “JAKE LAMOTTA”. The poor kid. Why didn’t Billie tell him to GTFO when he had up to three years left? Are Billie’s training wheels lying around with THE STATUE somewhere? Perhaps you could install them on James’ big boy two-wheeler? Does it bother you the screwing Hackenburg has ACCEPTED from Penn State? The kid is a hero. As Ollie North would say, “His is a story that needs to be told.” And it will. It’d be nice if James is gone before that. Unfortunately, that will take awhile since AD Wilma Flintstone allegedly worships him. Have you seen what Cal is doing in sports since Sandy Barbour left? The last part of her tenure was lackluster. The baseball team has gone to the NCAA Regionals, and its football team is 5-0.
“Foonder fonder fender funder!!!!! Jeg har ikke tænkt mig at være en pessimist!!!!!” That would lay the Navajo low if James whipped some Danish on him from his stint in 1997 with the Roskilde Kings!
The Nittany Turkey says
I was almost actually following your convoluted prose there. I think your gist is that Hack will vie for Mr. Irrelevant, and would have been better off somewhere else after that first year with O’Brien. But Wilma Flintstone was a SI swimsuit model compared to Sandy Barbour, who I’m not sure is actually female.
Once we got to the Danish, I hopped off the train.
—TNT
Joe says
Well, my TV is still intact-don’t know how but it is.
I’m tired of this!
Yeah, I know the team and talent is young and getting experience every game, but damn it looks like there has been no coaching done since the beginning of spring ball. It just looks like no one gives a shit, from the players to the coaches. Everyone spouts the same shit about we’re 1-0 this week and how they’re going to get back to work on Sunday and we need to get better and blah, blah, blah. It’s almost like the players have been told exactly what to say at each presser.
Sure the weather was not great, but I watched Clemson-ND and it was a lot worse there. Both teams were moving the ball on the ground and in the air, so I find that excuse unacceptable.
Okay we’re missing a bunch of key players, but is the whole offense going to rely on Saquan Barkley going forward because he can break tackles? There was still no creativity in the offense’s play calling, other than the deep balls to Godwin and Giesecki. Did Army really have the DB speed to match up with our receivers, which prevented us from throwing the ball downfield? Must have, because that was the last time we heaved the old pigskin down the field.
I thought Laurent played well in place of Mangiro, and Palmer seems to be getting better with each game, but our guards are horrific! I would be up for throwing the freshman in there and let them learn as they go-this shit with the “vets” isn’t working. Are we gonna hold Menet for 2 years as he develops before we stick him on the line?
And the people in the seats (including the students) looked totally disinterested that there was a game being played in front of them.
I could go on and on, but there are problems here. Yeah, you can make a point I guess that OSU barely beat Indiana, Nebraska lost, MSU did everything they could to give the game to the boilermakers and so maybe a 6 point victory over Army is not to be unexpected.
And to beat all, we’re friggin’ eight point favorites against Indiana-8 Points!
I spouted this last year and will say it again, there is no leadership on this team. There is no player to get in some one’s grill and tell them to step up or sit down. And I do think there is more effort on JCF’s part to control the message that comes from his players than there is to put together a solid game plan.
Donovan will not be around at the end of the season-we are probably going to lose all of our remaining games (perhaps with the exception of Maryland) and someone will need to get thrown under the bus by JCF and it won’t be the HC.
The Nittany Turkey says
No, Franklin won’t throw himself under the bus. However, we were talking at the end of last season about Donovan having to go, and that didn’t happen, either. What did happen was a meaningless bowl game with lots of points scored that perhaps saved his ass. The bowl game should mean nothing, because no one ever plays decent defense in trivial bowls, and the guys are just encouraged to go out there and have fun. Donovan could give Hack some fun play calls with little risk. But when the regular season rolls around and all the games count, if you shoved a piece of coal up their asses, their anal sphincters would clench so tightly that they’d shit diamonds.
Just really hard to believe that the eight point line against Indiana will hold. I noticed that none of the books I watch have the game on the board yet, so this could be another one to check back on during the week. Given Indiana’s productive offense with Nate Sudfeld now having played in four seasons (so we can call him “a seasoned veteran”, in the hackneyed sportswriters’ vernacular) enjoying a 60% lifetime completion percentage, I’m willing to take Indiana and eight points any day — especially because it’s a noon start. Perhaps Sudfeld’s minor ankle injury against tOSU is the reason for the big overlay, but reports are that he’s day-to-day and hoping to play on Saturday. They’d be a much different offense without him — although Diamont did go 6-14 for 76 yards, no TDs and no INTs against tOSU.
“And the people in the seats (including the students) looked totally disinterested that there was a game being played in front of them.”
That’s because there wasn’t much of a game being played. I think the crowd that actually showed up was estimated at 70,000, and of those, how many weren’t hung over and wishing they weren’t sitting in unprotected seats in the rain? If it hadn’t stopped raining around halftime, I think there would have been a mass exodus of Dunkirk proportions.
So, you’re doing a mid-course correction of your season prediction to 5-7?
—TNT
WALT KUBANY says
I agree with you. The team is hopeless. If it is this bad, James really should go soon. Didn’t someone watch some game films of this guy to see he’s
dysfunctional on the sideline? Schiano and Golden are mentioned down here to replace him god forbid; however, these men ACTIVELY COACH on the sideline. Do you have a Sunshine Law up there that forces University leadership to present publically the criteria they used to hire this ruse? who were the finalists? Match him up against the other Big Ten head coaches and your winless projection is spot-on. Gainesville deeply resented our (“stealing”) hiring him. Coach Boom still had a year left to die. Carpe Franklin.
Meanwhile, Nutcase TNT (NTNT) is deep in the weeds with assistant coaches and third string guards and some three-year honeymoon.
The Nittany Turkey says
I hear Joe Philbin is available.
Once again, I was doing well translating your diatribe until we got to Coach Boom. Whodat? And who da hell is NTNT?
—Non-N TNT
WALT KUBANY says
Coach Boom was what Muschamp was called. You live down here. And NTNT is you…2…3…4…
The Nittany Turkey says
I wisely ignored Muschamp, as I did Ron Zook. McElwain seems worth paying attention to. I remember a girl who lived in McElwain at PSU, but I digress.
How am I “in the weeds with assistant coaches and third string guards and some three-year honeymoon”? The frequent need for a translator of your crazy-ass utterances suggests that I need a shrink with a Ph.D. in foreign languages on the staff here at the Turkey.
—TNT
WALT KUBANY says
I am ceasing and desisting.Your madcap style and warp-speed wit no longer needs me and is ready for prime time. Take TNT international !!! I suggest your shrink with the Ph.D in foreign languages start with Germany, Latvia, and Turkey.
K. John says
Still trying to digest the game. What I do know is that they dipped well beyond the two deep on defense. I am of the opinion that they did not tire out in the second half but rather played a ton of kids they wouldn’t have ordinarily. Franklin confirmed this in his press conference. Army cuts a lot. He made all the linemen wear knee braces as a precaution. Video confirms this. They stuck to the plan to play a lot of guys, whether they were ready or not (more on that) and walked away with a closer than expected win.
I noticed a few things while watching the game, and others.
You aren’t going to move the ball very well if you insist on playing your opponent 11 on 11 within 7 yards of the line of scrimmage. Penn State ain’t the 95 Huskers.
Army had a combined 75 (+ or – 10 yards) yards for the game when Sickels, Johnson, Zettel, and Nassib were in the game at the same time and a lot when they were’t. Not a coincident that Army’s final drive went nowhere fast when they were put back in the game. Had Penn State played the starters as much as they usually do, this game is probably a shut out.
Hack’s official line for the game is 10 for 19 for 156 yards and a TD. However, there were four drops and fifth attempt where the receiver slipped on a timing route forcing an incomplete. His numbers to account for the catchable dropped passes makes for 15 for 19, well north or 200 yards and a TD and a very good passer rating despite the bad playcalling, which is why pretty much every NFL scout considers him a lock to be a top ten pick.
Indiana is not for real. Penn State has a shot at double digit sacks on Saturday whether their QB and RB play or not Neither is Michigan. Ohio State has issues and not just on offense. Right now, they are two opposing QB injuries away from two losses to mediocre or bad teams.
The Nittany Turkey says
I refuse to try to digest this game anymore. It already required two bottles of Pepto-Bismol and a whole sleeve of Nexiums.
OK, so you’re revising your forecast to 11-1? It’s a given that they’re no longer going to run the table, of course, so 11-1 is the next best thing. You’ve already got them beating tOSU and Michigan; what about NWU and Moo U.? Even though this Franklin/Donovan offense has scored more than seven points in only one Big Ten game out of nine, as Flounders brings out, you’re still thinking they can win out? Oy vey.
—TNT
K. John says
This team isn’t running the table. They have the talent to run it but won’t because John Donovan is an idiot and Franklin is an idiot because Donovan still has a job. What they do have a bunch of 50/50 games and I do know that State has a better defense and better quarterback than all one of them, but two are on the road.
As for the scoring, they might not need to score more than 7 to beat Michigan, Northwestern or Illinois unless they turn the ball over because our offense is better than Michigan and Northwestern’s. Both teams are getting by exclusively off of turnovers.
Big Al says
The result was not a surprise to me. If you read my post to the Army game preview, you’ll note my prediction that State would have less than a touchdown lead in the 4th Quarter if Barkley didn’t play. Without him, the offense is worse than last year’s. With him, it is slightly better than last year. K John is right about the defense resting the starters more than usual. The 2nd Army touchdown was directly attributable to the backups’ crappy play. This means that State better have a two score lead going into the 4th quarter if they’re going to win any future game. The defensive back ups can’t be trusted and the starters will be exhausted by the middle of the quarter.
I haven’t completely given up on State becoming bowl eligible. If Barkley is 95% healthy, State has a reasonable chance of winning 2 out of the 3 games against Indiana, Maryland, and Illinois. However, anyone who thinks we’re going to beat Ohio State, Northwestern, or Michigan is drunk on the blue Kool Ade.