App State Visits Rebuilding/Reloading Nittany Lions
Are we “rebuilding” or “reloading”? Only the sports writers know for sure, and they are always wrong. Besides, both metaphors suck and who cares?The Appalachian State Mountaineers, now coached by Scott Satterfield, come to St. Joe Memorial Stadium at Beaver Field to take on the mighty, rebuilding, recharging, or reloading Nittany Lions on Saturday, September 1 at 3:30 in the PM. You know I’m going to be watching from the comfort of Jackstand’s sofa.
Appalachian State is famous for two things: beating Michigan in 2007 and liver mush. The former needs no explanation. The young upstarts beat Fifth Ranked Big Blue back in the Lloyd Carr era. Carr retired after that. The latter — well, it has to be experienced. However, I have provided a photo of the delightful breakfast dish being served by a delightful waitress at the delightful Boone Drug Company during a visit by Artificially Sweetened and this turkey back in the summer of 2008, when the spirit of victory was fresh and the mush was sweet. Or whatever liver mush is.
Here Come the Rebuilding Mountaineers
Who are those Mountaineers. Well, lemme tell you. Under Satterfield, they have been co-champs of the Sun Belt Conference twice, posting 9-3 (7-1) and 8-4 (7-1) records the past two years. Last year they were blown out by Georgia in the season opener, then later lost narrowly to Wake Forest, UMass (2 OT), and UL Monroe. The wound up a successful season clobbering Toledo in the Dollar General Bowl (wherever the hell that is) 34-0.
The App State defense overwhelmed Toledo, holding them to just 146 total yards and a goose egg on the scoreboard. The Rockets had been averaging just about 40 points per game. Senior Linebacker Anthony Flory was the defensive stud, recording eight tackles and an interception.
Offensively, Senior Running Back Jalin Moore was the game MVP with 125 yards and three touchdowns.
Both Flory and Moore will be back to torment the Nittany Lions on Saturday. Otherwise, the Mountaineers are either reloading, rebuilding, or recalcitrant.
But What of the Reloading Lions?
What of the Lions, you ask? In one paragraph, I’ll tell you the same things you already know.
The offensive line might be serviceable, for a change. (About time we stop bitching about them). Trace McSorley might be one of the best quarterbacks in college football, and is certainly worthy of Heisman consideration. Miles Sanders and Mark Allen together ain’t no Saquon Barkley. Juwan Johnson and DeAndre Thompkins together ain’t no DeSean Hamilton. (But watch out for Mac Hippenhammer). There ain’t no replacement for Mike Gesicki yet. Finally, the defense could be soft in the middle and in the secondary.
Rebuilding? Reloading? You tell me. Whatever the hell it is, somehow the AP pre-season poll has PSU ranked #10 — probably because we wound up last year ranked #8. But then what does last year have to do with this year other than that the gun that’s being reloaded is being rebuilt?
The coaching staff took a hit with the departure of offensive “genius” Joe “I beat Army when I was at Fordham” Morehead. Morehead is now head coach of the Mississississippippi State Bulldogs, the Starkville team once coached by our dear friend Jackie “Castrate ‘Em” Sherrill. Ricky Rahne will have big shoes to fill as our new offensive genius.
The net-net is that I don’t know much about what this team is or where it is going. Besides, I’m getting over a cold contracted during a long road trip and I’m currently sporting a headache exacerbated by the dulcet tones of Mexican workers initiating what will be a 3-4 week job on the turkey ambien online from canada coop roof. So, I’m not in a very favorable mood for speculation about where this rebuilding thing is going.
Distinguished Alumna: Caitlin Upton
Boy, have I been waiting for this! Remember the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant where little Caitlin delivered an extemporaneous response to the question, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future. For our children.
Caitlin’s teen picture has been featured several times in this blog because she is the quintessence of blonde cluelessness. But what has happened to her since that fateful night back in 2006?
Well, first of all, she must have located a map after being Miss Teen South Carolina, because she managed to find Boone, North Carolina somehow.
But beyond Boone, her life has been pretty good as she is now selling real estate in Brentwood, California (dat where OJ lived). She married personal trainer Charlie McNeil in 2016.
And how well did she age, you ask? Well, the past twelve years have only enhanced her looks, methinks.
Back to the Game Already, Da Wedda, Such As
Let’s start with da Wedda. The Hack-u-Weather forecast calls for a high of 76 and a possible morning shower. We actually hope the shower is a reality, because those guys are pretty gamy after practicing all week.
Da Bottom Line
And for those of you who aren’t part of the Original Six, this is where I insert my weekly Official Turkey Poop Prediction, which is about as good as anything else I can pull out of my cloaca.
Whenceforth goeth the Lions of 2018? No one yet knows. In a famous utterance of one of my colleagues, “They’re 12-0 right now.” Yeah, that makes sense. By that logic, they’re also 0-12. Will there be a Big Ten championship? Will they beat the Urbanful Buckaroos? (He got only a three-game setback). How about the CFP and the still somewhat mythical national championship (SSMNC)? The consummate early season quasi-quandary pervades my predictably precariously perched bird brain.
What you want? Pellucidity? But I digress.
Penn State is a 24-point favorite over the Mountaineers, with an over/under of 54. Now, performing some simple mathematics, which ain’t so simple with the pounding going on directly over (and also inside) my head, the sports books tell us their clients think the game will wind up 39-15 in favor of the Lionzes. Whichin I say, uh, I personally believe that the PSU, such as, actually could like do better on offense, such as, and maybe give up a few more on defense to the App State. Penn State 42, App State 17. Take the over.
The Turkey will be back after the game with an insightful recap and some other major bullshit.
P.S.
To those of you who commented on my previous post and didn’t get a response, I apologize. I value you, my six readers, and all your comments. I’ve been busier’n a cat tryin’ to hide shit on a sidewalk around here, given the road trip and the humongous roofing job. I promise to do better now that the season is starting!
—TNT
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psudrozz says
Defense will be porous. Offense will be slightly rusty, but adequate.
Tight game in the first half. Slam the live odds when the spread drops to the high teens in the second quarter.
PSU settles in for the second half, walks away with a cover, 42-24.
The Nittany Turkey says
A plausibly deniable scenario, counselor.
Press at halftime if you had the confidence to give the points at the outset. I sure don’t.
“We’re a second-half team.” — JGF
The medial porosity of the defense, absence of a reliable pass rush, and potential Emmenthaler secondary concern me greatly.
We’ll find out a lot about nothing in this game.
—TNT
Jackstand says
Your prediction of 42-24 sounds about right, but I’m sticking to 42-27. I’m also hopeful that the example that Saquon leaves behind has inspired the remaining cadre of Lions Running Backs who, undoubtedly, have been lifting and drilling in preparation for the season. Maybe we’ll all be very pleasantly surprised.
Whatever the outcome, I’m just happy that the season is finally starting!
The Nittany Turkey says
Alors! A new season and great expectations abound.
Me, I’m just happy to get a new roof. Any positive signs on the field of play will be icing on the cake.
See you Saturday!
—TNT
psudrozz says
….and now manny bowen is gone.
This hurts.
The Nittany Turkey says
I figured after the Fiesta Bowl suspension that Manny would be history. Violating those “unspecified team rules” is usually a portent of bad things. Franklin gave him another chance and he blew it.
—TNT
Joe says
Haven’t pondered this too much, but it’s nice to finally look forward to a game. I think 48-14 sounds about right. I think we have a legit offensive line this year and with McSorley having a McSorley day and the RB’s running like running backs do behind a good OL I think our offense should have no problem putting up points. I think the defense will be alright. Shaky first quarter than boom!
Haven’t seen any season predictions yet from the turkey flock, so I’ll go first (and duck); 11-1 with a regular season loss to Wisconsin, that’s reversed in Indy for another B1G trophy. We go to the playoffs and get whacked by Clemson in the first round.
The Nittany Turkey says
Well, this turkey likes 9-3, but what the hell do I know? Thing is, I think they can get by the Buckeyes, but lose to Michigan and Wisconsin and one other (take your pick of Moo U. or Maryland). A trip to Tampa for a nice, irrelevant Outback Bowl. As I see it — I, the consummate PSU pessimist.
Got you for 48-14. Good to see you back!
—TNT
Big Al says
Liver mush looks like the hillbilly version of scrapple/goetta. Got to wonder if they also have a mountain version of hog maw – maybe using raccoon instead of pork.
Penn State will win this game, but I don’t think they’ll cover the 24 point spread. A two score victory margin – 10 to 14 points – seems about right. Don’t touch the over/under because you a case can be made for both a low scoring and a high scoring game.
My gut is telling me that Appy State will look at the Iowa game tapes and have the secondary drop off and force PS to methodically drive down the field And hope that Trace gets impatient and throws an interception or two. On defense, State will probably get a lot of lot 3 and outs but also give up several big plays for touchdowns because the DL didn’t maintain gap integrity and the linebackers took bad angles. At today’s press conference, Franklin called Appy’s running back a “home run hitter” and implied that he was the kind of back who gets stopped for a short gain most of the time but then scores two 80 yard touchdowns. Their quarterback is an inexperienced, low rent version of Trace McSoreley – a lightly recruited 2 star quarterback who won a state championship – but he may also be good enough to burn our defense.
So, I’m predicting relatively uncomfortable game where we miss at least two field goals and victory is not certain until the 4th quarter – Penn State 30 – Hillbilly State 20.
The Nittany Turkey says
Got you for 30-20. They’ll be shaking off the rust and early season discombobulation for sure. I’d love to see the defense exceed my expectations, which will remain low until further notice.
In any case, I’m hoping they look better than liver mush.
—TNT
K. John says
This game terrifies me. If it were week three, I might take State to cover. Week one, no way. I personally have zero faith in Ricky Rahne’s ability to field a decent offense nor will I until he proves it. With that said, State’s smallish (for a Big Ten team) and inexperienced front seven will have trouble containing the Mountaineer running game. Defensively, Appy State forces tons of turnovers. Trace doesn’t turn the ball over much but when he does, they usually come in bunches. We turn the ball over early in this one and go down multiple scores. Appy State’s offense sets the tone for the game through three quarters before Penn State’s athletes take over on defense allowing the offense to settle down. State comes back in the fourth quarter behind Miles Sanders and the game is decided on the final drive or OT.
State 24
Appy State 21
The Nittany Turkey says
Now I’m really worried. When K. John is terrified, I begin to feel like that Thanksgiving when I didn’t get the obligatory pardon from President Obama.
A poor performance won’t be a season-ender, but it will surely set the tone for another season of excuses like, “We’re a second-half team.”
I sure hope it winds up a “W” and a cover, but in view of all the unknowns, who knows?
—TNT
P.S.
Hack bombed out in his trial with the Eagles. Is it time for him to get the message that his NFL aspirations have evaporated?
K. John says
It probably is, whatever the three stooges (Donovan, Franklin, Rahne) did to Hack is apparently incurable. I know his shoulder was pretty bad during 2015 when I saw him wince on the sideline when the staff were adjusting his pads. Combination of things in all likely. Regardless, Rahne is now coaching the QBs again which is frightening.
The Nittany Turkey says
So, what do you think about demanding that Bill O’Brien giving Hack one last shot in Texas? If C-Hack was so great during the year with BoB, then Bill would be the perfect last chance, given the QB merry-go-round Houston has seen. Just kidding about demanding it, but I have to wonder why O’Brien has been mute about Hack as he tries to land an NFL job.
—TNT
The Nittany Turkey says
One last comment about this game and me. I need a big win here to offset the day I had today with the roofing job. At 1:30 a sudden rainstorm caught the roofers unaware, resulting in water pouring through a hard-wired smoke detector in the second-floor hallway, making an obnoxious buzzing sound until eventually a snap! signaled its demise. Once I handled that crisis, I tried to get some work done while accompanied by the anvil chorus directly overhead, driving me nuts. I went down to the solarium for a break, and that’s what I got — a broken glass pane from the roof of the solarium and a nice, unfettered view of the sky above, which by that time (4:30) was blue. One of the rooftop workers had dropped a tile on the solarium to cause the debacle. After the superintendent cleaned up the mess (tempered glass breaks into 98 million pieces), he vowed to get a glass guy out and in the meanwhile he covered it up with plywood and tarps. He also vowed to replace the fried smoke detector. From the sound of all this, you might think I’m unhappy with the job — I’m not — shit happens on a big job like this, and it was just a bad day for me. So I need a big win on Saturday.
Thanks for listening!
—TNT
Artificially Sweetened says
After careful analysis, I predictate a score of PSU 31, Apple State 13. WOOOOOOOOO Football!
The Nittany Turkey says
And that ain’t livermush!
—TNT