I Almost Forgot

Whited-Out #7 PSU (6-0, 3-0) Hosts #16 Michigan (5-1, 3-1)

Are either of these teams any good? Will this be another mistake laden snoozefest? Does a polar bear crap on the ice?

I guess I had a busy week and plum damn near forgot about this media-hyped, Whited-out^©, Gameday-hosting Battle of the Century. This week’s Super Bowl in which we hope to go 1-0 will take place in the friendly confines of Beaver Stadium, sponsored by Pop’s Mexi-Hots and The Record Room, on Friday night in prime time. Sleep will be possible for the Nittany Lions for at least one full fifteen-minute quarter.

Proud Program

The Wolverines are a proud program. We’ll hear that a lot from Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler. That means they suuuuuuck and they are meandering. Just look at what they’ve been through since Lloyd Carr’s time! Yeah, you’re right. Rich Rodriguez didn’t fit the “culture” (which consists of hostile bacteria in a petri dish), so they got Michigan Man Brady Hoke. He couldn’t beat tOSU, so they got Jumpin’ Jim Harbaugh, another Michigan Man. But nobody thus far has been able to resurrect the ghost of Bo Schembechler. No one. Thus, most Big Blue fans languish in the glory of a righteous past, when their boys were relevant.

However, that’s not very different from Penn State fandom, for whom the peak was mid-Paterno, between 1978 and 1995. We had our saint, too. And like the crocodiles, we’re still living in de Nile, waiting for the Second Coming, which will likely never come.

You know what I mean. How do you follow an act like Woody or Bo or Joe, anyway? I take that back. The program that has been consistently unsuckographic since the departure of their dearly beloved iconic coach has been the Schmuckeyes. They didn’t miss much more than a beat after Woody got his ass canned for punching that Clemson kid in the throat. And, I suppose if you look southward, you’ll find that while the departure of the respective saints at Texas and FSU spelled mediocrity, the elephantine Tide (where the Tusk are loosah) managed to get back on top of the heap within 30 years of the Bear walking off the field and dropping dead.

But I digress. (I think).

Random Thoughts (very random)

I guess I’m writing this crap because I’ve got too much other crap in my head to be seriously analytical about the game. “Seriously analytical” for me means getting out the biggest shovel and piling on the bullshit higher and deeper. Nevertheless, I’ll venture a couple of thoughts.

Never mind that Michigan is middle-of-the-pack defending the run because Rahne and the PSU offensive brain trust doesn’t yet know quite how the hell to run their rushing rotation. The common wisdom is that Noah Cain should be getting The Lion’s share of the carries. Maybe they think they’re being cute, keeping the defense guessing. (Like DCs are that stupid). All I know is with the season half over (not counting the B10 championship game, the BCS semi-final, and the SSMNC game, which the Sanguinarians now think are all a lock), it ain’t no time for experimenting with rotations.

Michigan’s turnover rate is almost laughable. Oh, hell no — it IS laughable! They seem to be getting worse as the season progresses. This is prime time, Wolverines! Get your act together! But they’re perfect in on-side kicks recovered: one for one.

Well, hell, let’s cut to the chase. I have too much other crap on my mind to belabor this any further.

Da Wedda

Tomorrow’s State College forecast looks like a mostly sunny day with a high of 59 and a low of 44, although tonight it will be below freezing. So, white hoodies on whiteys will be the uniform of the day. Give it another few weeks and that white you see in the stadium will not be the hoodies. Like Sandy Barbour’s ass, it will be pure as the driven snow, and you can thank William Shakespeare for that image.

Da Bottom Line

Here we are at the mid-point of the season. Every game henceforth will be pivotal. Aside from November 30 (which is our exhibition game with Piscataway Junior High), there are no “gimmes”.

The spread on this game is way too big, favoring Penn State by 9. Have you gamblers looked at the Nittany Lion offense lately? Are you daft? A modicum of sense puts the o/u at 47, and the combination works out to 28-19 if my math is correct.

A whited-out Beaver Stadium is worth about six points barring untimely turnovers and penalties, both of which will killya. But come on…. if PSU cannot get its running game going and Michigan succeeds in covering receivers while pressuring Sean Clifford, this will be an uphill fight. I’m still thinking Iowa’s defense is a touchdown better than the Wolverines, even though the Hawkeyes lost to them by that margin. Iowa was no easy win for the Nittany Lions, as you might recall. Football transitivity aside, I’m going with Penn State 24, Michigan 17, and I would take the under.

If that means the result will be 51-42, I don’t give a shit. I’m happy either way, as long as PSU comes out on the winning end. And hell, I’m happy even if they don’t, because it’s only football. (Unless they screw up too badly, in which case they’ll rue the day…)

All I know is one thing, and that is that I don’t know anything. But Lee Corso better put on a lion head, that’s all I know.

Until after the game, I remain your dedicated, yet insouciant, Nittany Turkey. Amen.