Moral TERPitude

Maryland (1-1) vs. Penn State (0-2)

As they do with Indiana, Penn State always whacks Maryland, right? Given the historical record of meetings between both pairs of teams, one would think so. However, there are no absolutes in life or football — just fans and hack sportswriters spewing pseudo-truisms along with copious bullshit. This time, they can point toward Las Vegas, whose bookies established a 25-point spread for this game.

Yea, verily, Penn State leads the all-time series by a humongous number and yes, Virginia, Penn State did kick the shit out of the Terps last year to the tune of 59-zip. Alas, we were spouting the same overconfident drivel leading up to the Indiana game, which we screwed up and lost. This better not be another “we can’t lose” game that we lose. Maybe PSU could even cover the huge, three-plus touchdown spread. Ya think?

Until we consistently see more of what we saw from the PSU offense in the second half of the ill-fated tOSU game, my bullshit alarm beacon will be glowing bright red and spinning. Absent an abatement to boneheaded coaching decisions, my dumbass bell will be ringing loudly. And, yes, until we actually see for ourselves that the vaunted 2020 offensive line is out there winning their battles, my generalized suckage jury will be out.

The Game this Week

What we have in the Nittany Lions is a potentially “EXPLOSIVE” offense as was evident when the offensive brain trust decided to open it up against tOSU. Will they start out strong and try to hit some early home runs to put the Terps in a deep hole out of which they’ll never be able to climb? Or will they play conservatively while Maryland opens it up, takes a few gambles, and once again puts PSU in the hole? Drag out the “We’re a second-half team” excuses right now, if that’s the case. No, man. Let’s put ’em away early and then see if we can hold the lead, damnit!

Folks who claim to be in the know have been reporting that Maryland’s defense bites the big one, particularly against the run. You won’t get any arguments here, but let’s not see Penn State go run crazy. No, man. For my money I want to see more of the wide-open offense we saw in the second half last week. OK? Establish the run, open it up, then save the power running game for salting down the lead in the second half. Pretty please?

Unlike Minnesota, who allowed 45 points to Tua’s Little Bro and Company, Penn State has some semblance of a defense. I do not think you’ll see anything close to 45 points being rung up in this game — not by Maryland, anyway.

TNT Worried

My big worry is that the Nittany Lions won’t have their heads in the game, opting instead for a warm, dark place. They didn’t seem very enthusiastic against tOSU, so I wonder about how they’re being prepared for games. If they can’t get charged up for the biggest game of the year, I am thinking they’ll come out flatter than a pancake for this one, wearing what Urban Meyer described as “that dullard look.” And that kind of attitude causes mistakes. So, I’ll repeat: {turnovers|penalties|mental errors}’ll killya.

My second biggest worry is that the coaching staff will opt for the same warm, dark place for their own cranial insertion. Be honest. Don’t you cringe at crucial points in the game when the camera trains on Franklin? They ought to put the cloak of silence on him on fourth down in his own territory in the first three quarters.

OK, so now you know what I’m worried about. So, I’ll take a look at Beaver Stadium’s projected weather, and then I’ll issue my prediction, straight out of a similar warm, dark place.

Da Wedda

Just poifect! AccuWeather is calling for a sunny day with near-record warmth. Forecast high is 71°. Wouldn’t this be a wonderful day on which to make the trek to the stadium, do a nice tailgate, and watch a lopsided game against a pushover opponent? I thought so.

Fearless Turkey Poop Prediction

And now, the weekly feature you’ve been waiting for — The Official Turkey Poop Prediction, which is as foul and awful as the fowl offal for which it is named.

Well, I’ll tellya. I don’t for one minute believe the gamblers are full of shit now that I’ve looked at some of the numbers and applied the bullshitters’ favorite — football transitivity. (It is axiomatic that if A beats B and B beats C, then A beats C). In our case it’s mythical transitivity (i.e., Northwestern kicked Maryland’s ass and we know we would kick Northwestern’s ass; therefore, we will kick Maryland’s ass). But I digress. Back to the line, our gambling friends have held the line firmly at 25, where it went immediately upon opening at 21. The over/under is presently 64.

Maryland plus the points looks like easy money, right? Well, I thought so all week, but NOT SO FAST!

I’ll do the math for you. It works out to 45-19. I’m not so much concerned about PSU winning, but in covering that spread. If our defense can do its job well and if the offense plus the coaching staff can put together a full-game, mistake-free effort, I think the Nittany Lions can not only cover, but blow away the spread. So, hey, let me go out on a limb here. Penn State 55, Maryland 13. Take the over.

I’ll be back following the game for some witticisms and excuses for why I lost all your money for you.