What Goes Around Comes Around
Or something like that. Things are a little different now than they were sixteen years ago. The Iowa Hawkeyes brought a 4-2 record with them to Beaver Stadium that year (before I renamed it), while Penn State was cruising with a putrid 2-4. The capacity Homecoming crowd of 108,000+ anticipated an entertaining, if not classic game.
This time around, Penn State is an even more putrid 0-4 and Iowa is sitting at 2-2. A minuscule collection of selected fans will witness what is sure to be less than entertaining. There will be no Homecoming festivities. And back in 2004, I lamented that the Nittany Lions would be “…destined to dwell in the dank, dark, dusty dungeon of Big Ten ineptitude with the Hoosiers and the Illini.” The Hoosiers are a little better this year, undefeated as they take on tOSU, but the Illini are the same old Illini.
Of what do I write, pray tell?
The 2004 game between these teams was indeed a classic, but in a rather negative way — it was one of the worst games in Penn State’s history and it set back football in a way that fans are still feeling today.
That game ended up as yet another loss for Penn State in yet another bad year. The Nittany Lions sucked in the early nascent millennial years. Aside from Larry Johnson’s 2000-yard season, what the hell else was good about that time in our history? People have dubbed it (cue cello) The Dark Years.
Sanguinarians will tell us that 2020 is aberrant, and things will be much better when we get back to normal. Yes, Virginia, normal means we think we’re much better than we are. We couldn’t be much worse than the current rock bottom, I tell you dat!
“You’re not going to shoot me, Tony!?!?”
“No, Frank. I’m not gonna tchoot you… Manolo! Tchoot dat piece of tchit!”
Sorry. Tony Montana interlude. I was distracted by a Scarface flashback.
But I Digress…
Voices in my head notwithstanding, I need to tell you — on the odd chance that it is not indelibly written in your Book of Life — that Penn State lost that 2004 game to Iowa by the amazingly ridiculous score of 6-4. They suuuuuuuuuuucked so bad… (How bad was it?) It was so bad that Iowa decided to take a safety that narrowed the lead to two and give up the ball because there was no way the Nittany Lions would figure out what to do with it.
Holding Iowa to six points is something I don’t see happening this year. They scored 84 points in their past two games. Now, listen Sanguinarians — I don’t want to hear your bullshit about PSU’s defense being that much better than Moo U. or Minnesota. Yet, I hear the distant echo of Sanguinarialistic analysis. The only chance for Penn State is to keep it close.
But will they? Hell, having watched four games so far, I am used to throwing away the first half with crappy offensive play and turnovers while the defense misses multiple tackles and walks around with rectal thumb insertions. So, no.
Gotta Fix Those Problems
i.e., {mistakes|penalties|turnovers}’ll killya
I don’t think the QB change will fix the problems in their entirety, but if Will Levis can just protect the ball and throw accurate passes (without staring down primary receivers all the time), the offense might be able to get half its act together. We’ve been told that the revamped offensive line has its act together now, something we’ve been hearing for at least the past sixteen years. My pragmatic ass will believe it when I see four quarters of consistently good line play.
You know what? Tomorrow is my birthday. I’d like nothing more than a great big win in a cleanly fought game this weekend as my present. Will I get it? The magic eight ball says ALL INDICATIONS SUUUUUUUUCK.
Da Wedda
How long can the decent weather last? Looks like we’ll still be enjoying fall weather on Saturday. Mostly cloudy with a high of 54 is the weatherman’s prediction. Not too bad.
If you don’t like the weather, just wait fifteen minutes… (“They” say that just about everywhere).
Fearless Forecast from the Ferblunjetta Forecastle
Yeah, you can tell my heart’s just not in this one, cantcha? I think the chess matches in Queen’s Gambit were much more exciting than what we’ll be seeing on the field on Saturday. Ho hum. This season suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
What the gamblers are suggesting by favoring Iowa is what everybody thinks, anyway: Penn State gonna lose. Iowa still favored by just 2.5 with an over/under of 47. Seems that they know about Iowa-Penn State games, as the betting suggests a final score of 25-21. I think the PSU defense is bad enough to allow more points, and I think the offense, the offense, … the offense… well, it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
So, Iowa jumps out to a 21-6 lead in the first half and cruises while PSU attempts its second-half comeback with field goals instead of touchdowns, somehow putting 13 more points on the board while the Hawkeyes add one more TD late. That makes the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication Iowa 28, Penn State 19. Take the over, because Iowa is liable to score 49 like they did on Moo U.
I’ll be back after the game with one more candle in the wastebasket of life, and one more game in the dumper for Dear Old State. 0-5! Whoda thought?!?!?
