Archives for 2020

Penn State (0-3) at Nebraska (0-2)

It didn’t take long for the TV people to slot PSU into the dreaded noon time position, where we might be stuck for the rest of the season. Hell, in Lincoln, this game will be kicking off at 11 AM. Now, if this band of guys who clearly don’t want to be on the field can’t get motivated for a 3:30 game or a prime-time slot, just think of how they’ll show up (or not) for a nooner on the road.

Yep. “That dullard look.”

Who’s Watching?

Two teams with a total of no wins and five losses between them. Why does anyone care? Who will get their first win of this 2020 season? It would be fitting if the game wound up as a tie, so they would both still be winless.

Performance of both teams to date aside, this is a game I might not want to watch — but will — because even winning will not provide much satisfaction. It will be a game of who can play the worst. How is that satisfying to watch?

This might sound like a pissing and moaning litany, but what do I have to talk about that is positive at this point? — even if Penn State should happen to win. I could say they suck less than Nebraska. Now that’s positive!

Whither Sean Clifford

A starting quarterback who tries to do it all because most of his teammates are consistently either screwing up or who lack the talent to do their jobs is what we have in Sean Clifford. That’s what I thought of him until this past week. Now, I’m wondering whether like much of the rest of the team he would rather be somewhere else, too. ???? ?????

If he winds up supplying the bulk of the rushing offense, he won’t last the season. If he should happen to escape injury, he’ll be too beat up to be even as effective as he is now, which is a joke because a QBR in the twenties doesn’t look remarkably effective. While the ineffectual pass protection and run blocking provided by the vaunted offensive line is part of the problem, Clifford’s throws are off target even when he is not hurried. ????? ??????

Yet head coach James Franklin, who is now frequently seen standing alone on the sidelines shaking his head, has adamantly declared that Sean Clifford is his starting quarterback and that’s that. Let the social media debates wage on about whether Will Levis should get the starting job. Franklin ain’t listening. ????? ????? (Not that he should — thank God we don’t have crowd-sourced coaching in college football).

Good Evening Sports Fans, This Is Howard Cosell

I remember the fight in 1982 which impelled the late Howard Cosell to end his career as a fight announcer. Larry Holmes took on Randall “Tex” Cobb. The latter became a punching bag for round after round, showing that he could absorb constant, unrelenting punishment without dying on the canvas for fifteen rounds while the referee refused to step in and stop the one-sided fight. Even Holmes wanted it stopped. Cosell sat there on the air protesting the continuation of the fight ad nauseam to the viewing public instead of calling the blow-by-blow action. After each commercial break between rounds, Cosell would come back continuing his pissing and moaning from the previous round.

I can still relate to Howard’s revulsion 38 years later. If I were calling the Penn State games this year, I would be acting out instead of calling the play-by-play. It’s that bad. Maryland was supposed to be the Tex Cobb and PSU was supposed to be Larry Holmes, not the other way around, but regardless, I don’t ever want to witness such a graphic mismatch!

Howard never called another fight, ending his lengthy career as a fight announcer with ABC Sports, and if I witness another game like Maryland, I might have to hang up my Sandy Barbour autograph model ass pads, which keep my couch potato buns free from repetitive motion trauma while I squirm on them watching Penn State games.

More Pissing and Moaning

But I digress. I was reminded of Howard’s negative ranting by the way this article was going. I didn’t set out this morning to write a bitchy excoriation of the Penn State football program as it stands today, but that is how it wound up! So be it.

Motivation and Leadership

This team has problems. Talent aside, motivation and leadership are lacking. Furthermore, the talent might not be at the level we had perceived. They’ve got to fix their attitudes before they can coalesce as a team and perform better than the collection of individual talent (or lack of same) that they are. Someone needs to emerge as a motivational leader. If it cannot be the coaching staff, then the players need to take the proverbial bull by the horns. And that ain’t bullshit!

I don’t buy this spoiled child crap that says the loss to Indiana demoralized them for the rest of the season. I sure as hell HOPE that’s not the case. Moping for more than the Sunday after the game is not permissible. On Monday, I don’t want to hear about it. Get back to work!

Who’s Coaching Them?

One more thing. Yes, I know that James Franklin is displaced from his family because of his daughter’s medical condition. I do feel for the guy — it’s a horrible situation. However, it is his decision to continue coaching, and it is not like he is being paid minimum wage. He’s being paid the big bucks. If the distractions are too much, step down or take a sabbatical. No one grants any of us a free ride when we encounter the inevitable hardships of life, and I ain’t giving Franklin one, either. In his case, I don’t think it is he who is doing the pouting. I believe it is his empaths in the media who are making the excuses for him.

No Fans in the Stands?

Finally, I don’t want to hear the crap about players being unmotivated due to no fans in the stands. Maryland and Ohio State were in the same boat, playing away from home yet. Their players had no problems getting motivated. Indiana, however, did have about the usual number of fans in attendance at Memorial Stadium. LOL.

Yeah, I am a cynic. But methinks if you have an unmotivated team and a distracted coach making Covid-19 excuses while other teams are making the most of the sad circumstances of 2020, you have a recipe for an 0-9 season.

Journey Brown Diagnosis

A word about Journey Brown. The diagnosis confirmed by at least two physicians is hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a thickening of the heart muscle that will end Brown’s football career — a tragedy for him and his family. Our hearts go out to them, and we wish Journey well in his post-football life.

I guess I haven’t really touched on the game or the matchup or any of the usual stuff. I’m too disgusted. Stop this fight, already! Anyhow, I’ll wrap this thing up with the game weather conditions and my usual out-of-the-ass prediction.

Da Wedda

It’s looking like fall football weather in Lincoln, mostly cloudy with a high of 56° and some gusty SW winds at 10-20 mph. Both teams have had passing game issues, which will continue, no doubt.

Fearless Forecast

We come to the point where we can agree to disagree: The Official Turkey Poop Prognostication. We disagreed violently last week as I felt Penn State as a 27-point favorite would snap back from its 0-2 start by cruising to victory over the inferior Terps. Well, they weren’t inferior, and they were the ones doing the cruising. So, I’m full of shit, as usual.

This week, the gamblers are being a little more cautious, because when both teams suck, anything could happen, so why risk any money? It’s like betting on who sucks worse. How is that even entertaining? Besides, the noon time slot has some games that could be described as entertaining, such as Middle Tennessee State at Marshall (just kidding) — or Illinois at Rutgers (even more ridiculous). Overall, I might be watching the PBA playoffs instead.

The current spread on this game favors Penn State by 3, with an over/under of 56. Favoring Penn State in Lincoln is strange, given that the Nittany Lions don’t even show up to play in Beaver Stadium. Nevertheless, the gambling line suggests a narrow PSU victory of about 30-26. So who will screw up more? I think you’re better off taking the home team and the points, so here goes, with an additional safety margin: Cornhuskers 23, Nittany Lions 20. They both suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, so I’m on the under.

I’ll be back after the game. Lord knows what we’ll all be thinking by then, but I’ll feel free to share my elation or disgust. Elation might yield to sarcasm, but who knows?

Maryland 35, Penn State 19

It sucked. This is a discombobulated bunch of guys running around doing a poor emulation of a football team. Sanguinarians, please go away and come back in a few years when Penn State might try to put a reasonable semblance of a football team on the field. Others, read on, but WARNING: I have nothing good to say.

I hate to write this. My late mama used to tell me, “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say it!” Of course, she was one whose top rating of anything was “not too bad”. That rating is far too good for this game. In a word, it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

Before the game we wondered how Penn State could be a 27-point favorite. Well, gamblers must have their heads up their asses, too. My pre-game prediction of 55-13 reflected that same deranged euphoria. It is sure dark and smelly in here. However, kudos to those of you who saw the overlay and jumped on it. Maryland + 27 wouldn’t have worked last year, but back then, Penn State had a team that cared about winning. This year — well, this year, I can see Penn State getting points for the rest of the year.

No Excuses

Covid-19 is no longer an excuse. Maryland was up for this game. Penn State was not. Some reports point to a lack of “urgency” — hell, I’ll point to a complete lack of presence. Most of those apathetic pretenders didn’t want to be there. Poor attitudes result in failures. We saw plenty of both.

The Penn State running game sputtered against an arguably crappy Maryland defense, one that had allowed 281 rushing yards and 44 points in its previous game, with Minnesota. We watched Maryland repeatedly manhandle the vaunted Penn State offensive line, a unit that was purported to have its act together this year.

James Franklin concluded that establishing the run is key to a robust offense. This could be fundamentally true, but if all aspects of your game suck, it doesn’t matter much. Typically, you have to care to win.

Can’t Run, Can’t Pass

The passing game sucked, too. With an atrocious quarterback rating of 29.5, Sean Clifford is a parody of a Big Ten starting quarterback. The complete line is 27-57 for 340 yards, three touchdowns, and two ugly interceptions. Many of Clifford’s throws were off target, some sailing high over receivers’ heads, even little swing passes. The offensive line’s ineptitude didn’t help, as the pocket repeatedly collapsed. They gave up seven sacks to the supposedly crappy Maryland pass rush.

Can’t Defend

Defense was a mess, putting Penn State in a 21-0 hole before you could say “Nittany Lions suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”. They gave up 405 yards and made Tua’s younger brother look like Johnny Unitas, with a 96.5 quarterback rating. Maryland efficiently converted nine of sixteen third downs against our porous, soft tackling bunch.

Penn State would have lost miserably even if it hadn’t been for three turnovers, all of which were on Clifford. Take heart, though. Absent the turnovers, they still would have lost.

Tell Me Something Good

What can I say that is positive? Well, Penn State won the second half, 12-7. Of course, by then with a 35-7 lead, Maryland was into clock-running, victory salting mode.

The picture I’ll remember from the TV coverage was Franklin standing on the sideline alone shaking his head. That summed it up — and that was during the first half.

Weekly Hand-Wringing

So, given our first 0-3 start since 2004 (which was at the depths of (cue cello) The Dark Years), where do we go from here? The Sanguinarians will have their excuses, exonerating the players while calling for Franklin’s departure. In their mind, players can never do wrong because we have a talent advantage over… over… over… hmmm… over the Green Bay Packers! Yeah, that’s it! You hear the term “raw talent” bandied about, and that might be what it is — raw talent with heads up asses, guys who would rather be waking up with a hangover and banging their girlfriends (or boyfriends — who knows?) on Saturdays.

The apathy of this team is palpable, so I had to say something about it. Nevertheless, I regret that I’ve driven off some readers by stating what is on my mind. I’m certainly no football coaching or personal motivation expert, but I can glean an apathetic lack of effort in all aspects of this team. The 0-3 start is not a fluke. Losing to Nebraska next week would end all doubt.

Joe Paterno, of sainted memory, famously counseled his players, “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win, and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” Problem is, when you don’t give half a shit, you’re not thinking about anything but getting off the field and doing something else. Crappy play plus apathy equals YOU’RE WORSE THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE WHEN YOU LOSE!

I’ll be back during the week with some cynical jibes about the Nebraska game.

Maryland (1-1) vs. Penn State (0-2)

As they do with Indiana, Penn State always whacks Maryland, right? Given the historical record of meetings between both pairs of teams, one would think so. However, there are no absolutes in life or football — just fans and hack sportswriters spewing pseudo-truisms along with copious bullshit. This time, they can point toward Las Vegas, whose bookies established a 25-point spread for this game.

Yea, verily, Penn State leads the all-time series by a humongous number and yes, Virginia, Penn State did kick the shit out of the Terps last year to the tune of 59-zip. Alas, we were spouting the same overconfident drivel leading up to the Indiana game, which we screwed up and lost. This better not be another “we can’t lose” game that we lose. Maybe PSU could even cover the huge, three-plus touchdown spread. Ya think?

Until we consistently see more of what we saw from the PSU offense in the second half of the ill-fated tOSU game, my bullshit alarm beacon will be glowing bright red and spinning. Absent an abatement to boneheaded coaching decisions, my dumbass bell will be ringing loudly. And, yes, until we actually see for ourselves that the vaunted 2020 offensive line is out there winning their battles, my generalized suckage jury will be out.

The Game this Week

What we have in the Nittany Lions is a potentially “EXPLOSIVE” offense as was evident when the offensive brain trust decided to open it up against tOSU. Will they start out strong and try to hit some early home runs to put the Terps in a deep hole out of which they’ll never be able to climb? Or will they play conservatively while Maryland opens it up, takes a few gambles, and once again puts PSU in the hole? Drag out the “We’re a second-half team” excuses right now, if that’s the case. No, man. Let’s put ’em away early and then see if we can hold the lead, damnit!

Folks who claim to be in the know have been reporting that Maryland’s defense bites the big one, particularly against the run. You won’t get any arguments here, but let’s not see Penn State go run crazy. No, man. For my money I want to see more of the wide-open offense we saw in the second half last week. OK? Establish the run, open it up, then save the power running game for salting down the lead in the second half. Pretty please?

Unlike Minnesota, who allowed 45 points to Tua’s Little Bro and Company, Penn State has some semblance of a defense. I do not think you’ll see anything close to 45 points being rung up in this game — not by Maryland, anyway.

TNT Worried

My big worry is that the Nittany Lions won’t have their heads in the game, opting instead for a warm, dark place. They didn’t seem very enthusiastic against tOSU, so I wonder about how they’re being prepared for games. If they can’t get charged up for the biggest game of the year, I am thinking they’ll come out flatter than a pancake for this one, wearing what Urban Meyer described as “that dullard look.” And that kind of attitude causes mistakes. So, I’ll repeat: {turnovers|penalties|mental errors}’ll killya.

My second biggest worry is that the coaching staff will opt for the same warm, dark place for their own cranial insertion. Be honest. Don’t you cringe at crucial points in the game when the camera trains on Franklin? They ought to put the cloak of silence on him on fourth down in his own territory in the first three quarters.

OK, so now you know what I’m worried about. So, I’ll take a look at Beaver Stadium’s projected weather, and then I’ll issue my prediction, straight out of a similar warm, dark place.

Da Wedda

Just poifect! AccuWeather is calling for a sunny day with near-record warmth. Forecast high is 71°. Wouldn’t this be a wonderful day on which to make the trek to the stadium, do a nice tailgate, and watch a lopsided game against a pushover opponent? I thought so.

Fearless Turkey Poop Prediction

And now, the weekly feature you’ve been waiting for — The Official Turkey Poop Prediction, which is as foul and awful as the fowl offal for which it is named.

Well, I’ll tellya. I don’t for one minute believe the gamblers are full of shit now that I’ve looked at some of the numbers and applied the bullshitters’ favorite — football transitivity. (It is axiomatic that if A beats B and B beats C, then A beats C). In our case it’s mythical transitivity (i.e., Northwestern kicked Maryland’s ass and we know we would kick Northwestern’s ass; therefore, we will kick Maryland’s ass). But I digress. Back to the line, our gambling friends have held the line firmly at 25, where it went immediately upon opening at 21. The over/under is presently 64.

Maryland plus the points looks like easy money, right? Well, I thought so all week, but NOT SO FAST!

I’ll do the math for you. It works out to 45-19. I’m not so much concerned about PSU winning, but in covering that spread. If our defense can do its job well and if the offense plus the coaching staff can put together a full-game, mistake-free effort, I think the Nittany Lions can not only cover, but blow away the spread. So, hey, let me go out on a limb here. Penn State 55, Maryland 13. Take the over.

I’ll be back following the game for some witticisms and excuses for why I lost all your money for you.