It’s Easy: Ta-go-vai-lo-a
One aspect of due diligence when scouting the opponent of the week in hopes of going 1-0 is learning to say the name of the opposing quarterback. I’m talking to you, James Franklin! Sure, it sounds trivial, but how long have the Tagovailoa brothers been prominent in the sports buzz? Come on, James! You could at least practice it a little bit before the media conference, as you knew you would be talking about the kid. You find all my triggers, Franklin, and you never fail to piss me off. Taulia Tagovailoa. Repeat after me.
St. Joe used to piss me off, too. He couldn’t remember player names. Instead, he would refer to “the #72 kid” or some such thing. But you don’t expect senility from a guy Franklin’s age. Nevertheless, he would have been ahead of the game if he had called Taulia “the #3 kid”.
All that having been said, hello! This is the Nittany Turkey back here for your reading pleasure (or lack of same) for yet another week in this disappointing season. Yes, disappointing! No matter what happens in the next four games, many of us have already written off the 2021 Nittany Lions. Talk of bowl games in Las Vegas, Nashville, and New York doesn’t make us feel any better about them. We’re just hoping to avoid embarrassment.
Sanguinarians might tell you that there is still a chance for Penn State to make the playoffs. Say what? Well, you know that Sanguinarians’ perpetual posture involves cranial rectal insertion. Anything goes in that warm, dark, smelly place, especially delusion. In the words of John McEnroe, “YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!” The CFP Committee has shown Penn State absolutely no respect in the rankings, where the Big Ten is well represented otherwise. Moo U., tOSU, Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Iowa are all ranked. Penn State is not, although the AP media wonks see things differently, ranking them #22. However, I deviate from this week’s task at hand.
The Explosive Hare vs. the Hapless Tortoise
Who wants to go to College Park? Who wants to play Maryland? The point is moot. PSU must play them every year, as they are one of the pseudo-rivalry teams retired Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany chose for Penn State. The others are Rutgers and Moo U. Unranked Maryland brings a record identical to Penn State’s to this fray, yet somehow, the Sanguinarians still consider Penn State superior, perhaps because the Lions didn’t get their clocks cleaned quite as badly as did the Terps at the behest of the Schmuckeyes or the Schmohawks. Before last week’s win over wayward, wounded Indiana, Maryland had dropped three straight. Sound familiar? At least they had the dignity to lose to Minnesota, not Illinois.
Yet, somehow, Penn State is favored in this game, by ten points, already. That might have something to do with Maryland’s injury situation on offense, where two highly productive receivers have gone down. Jeshaun Jones and Durell Nchami, two of the top three wide receivers are out for the remainder of the season. It also reflects optimism that the Nittany Lions’ 114th ranked rushing offense might somehow be able to run against a defense that has allowed 161 yards per game rushing, which is even worse than PSU’s rushing defense, which ranks #66. Penn State’s anemic offense can finally produce — what a concept! We’ll see. There is an equal chance that they’ll stink up the place like the Homecoming debacle against Illinois.
It will be fun to watch Tua, Jr. (OK, Taulia — I can pronounce it, too). He better be well prepared for our vaunted secondary, which even this Turkey admits is active, engaged, and effective.
But Maryland has been giving up lots of points this year, ranking 95th in scoring defense and providing an opportunity for Penn State to improve upon its 78th ranked scoring offense, which produces a paltry 26.5 points per game.
Franklin’s Combustible Battle
I’m sick and tired of hearing Franklin talk about “the explosive play battle”. This whole explosive shit is stale and it suuuuuuuuuuuucks. How about just playing sound football and taking deep shots when the situations arise? Risk-taking is necessary, but to win these final four regular season games, Penn State will have to rely on fundamentals most of the time. Let’s put the “R” back in “RPO”. Can we? Ummmm, I don’t think so…
So, two teams with identical records tied for mediocrity in the Big Ten East but with Penn State favored by ten. Hmmmmm. What do Sanguinarians see that I and the CFP committee don’t see? A “signature” nine-point loss to the Schmuckeyes last week? Superior talent with inferior coaching? Hell, they’re even optimistic that the line play on both defense and offense will improve. There must be comfort in the heads-up-the-ass posture. Will the Lions play like they did against Illinois or will they play like they did against Ohio State? Regardless of the health of Sean Clifford, it’s well-nigh impossible to predict!
Da Wedda
It’s that shitty time of year in the northeast, but it looks like the weatherman has given us a break on Saturday, with a high of 56 after an overnight low of 30. The field should not be frozen, and there will be periods of clouds and sun, so the boys can frolic.
Da Bottom Line
Time now for the amazingly inaccurate and moderately offensive Official Turkey Poop Prediction. I haven’t kept count of my failures, either straight up or against the spread, this season, but I know one thing: I suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Most of the unscientific prognostications are pulled straight out of my ass, in which no Sanguinarian heads can be found.
The gambling line, as I mentioned previously, is 10 in favor of Penn State, and the over/under is 56, Unless I’m missing something, I don’t think Penn State is 10 points better than the Terps, although I’ll knock a few points off their scoring average of 29.2 for losing those receivers. The gamblers are forecasting a 33-23 Nittany Lions win, but I’m not convinced they can score 33 points against anyone this year. The only thing that gives me hope is that their third-down conversions didn’t suck last week, so now they rank 85th in that category. Baby steps. Penn State 24, Maryland 20; take the under. (It would have been 27-20, but Stout will miss one field goal he should have made).
(I’ll be back to reluctantly report on this ridiculous game).
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K. John says
I am not sure what to think about this one. I am not over-reacting to last week’s not nearly as close as the score loss at Ohio State like most. Simply put, OSU used a very conservative game plan on the offensive side of the ball which kept the game closer than expected but was never really in doubt in my opinion. I am not over-reacting to the embarrassing loss against the Illini. Clifford was clearly playing well under 50% and shouldn’t have been on the field. We don’t have a backup so the outcome was likely the same regardless. Clifford is clearly not 100% yet. Whether he gets there or not it anybody’s guess. Ohio State clearly was impacted by the unknown because their game plan was of the play is safe variety. 100% zone in the back end and keep everything in front of them. With that said, Clifford had chances to run, but did not on his own and the staff did not call many QB keepers or RPOs. How hurt is he or is Franklin snake bit and playing scared? My guess is both. The offense is clearly different when Clifford can run and when he can’t which brings us to Maryland and the home stretch.
Offensively, the Twerps are without two of their top playmakers at receiver but Taulia Tagovailoa can still throw and run. They can’t run the football any better than we can in a traditional sense however. Defensively, they are a bit of a train wreck. With that said, the bad blood between the teams is strong. They recruit most of the same kids with Maryland usually settling for leftovers. The teams essentially use the same offense with a few minor differences. Bottom line, if we don’t show up ready to play, Maryland is dangerous. If we do, it will likely be close going into the third but uncompetitive by the fourth.
This turkey is contemplating the short drive from NoVA to College Park because it is expected to be nice this afternoon and I have nothing going on. The prediction. After three straight losses, I expect the team to come out flat, especially after the usual Super Bowl like effort we put into Ohio State. Maryland comes out with a high level of aggression knowing they have to play with their hair on fire to overcome the talent difference which brings us to the scary part. Maryland will likely use straight man coverage which has been proven to be highly effective against Dotson and Washington. We won’t be able to run the football as usual and our tight ends are getting worse week by week meaning Lambert-Smith and Clifford’s legs are the difference makers. Presuming they aren’t hiding an injury, will Franklin let Clifford run risking losing out if he goes down and ending on the hot seat or will he play it safe and accept the potential for death by a thousand cuts. My guess is he plays it safe now that the fans are starting to turn on him and his consistent mismanagement of the QB position is getting a ton of attention making this one a nail biter.
Penn State 27
Maryland 25
The Nittany Turkey says
The game should be interesting. It will tell us how the rest of the season will go. Matchups notwithstanding, the attitudes during the home stretch are consequential.
Franklin talks about winning or losing the explosive play battle, the turnover battle, the this battle, the that battle, etc., etc., ad nauseam. However, he doesn’t talk about the player management battle, which he loses each week. The backup QB situation is abhorrible. Whether he is risking further injury to Clifford is moot. Playing a first stringer without backup puts the season on the line in every game. Shit happens.
No need to worry about the season at this point. Even the Outback Bowl would be a stretch. So, they’re playing for Franklin’s ego? For his resume? Why not give the backups copious playing time at this juncture. Otherwise, what will they have next year? Unless a dream recruit can step into a starting role cold, they ain’t got nothing unless Clifford stays healthy and opts for his sixth year. Risking longer-term injuries is not prudent with nothing to gain other than a new job for Franklin.
It’s bad form for Franklin to play his employment situation close to the vest, but I can understand why his super agent would want him to be tight-lipped. This is not the college football we grew up with. It’s all about the big bucks. Loyalty involves selling out to the highest bidder. Franklin won’t jeopardize future deals by declaring himself off the market. Screw Penn State fans — it’s all about him.
Anyway, got you for 27-25. Enjoy the drive from NoVa to College Park. I hope the Nittany Lions kick some serious ass like in 1917 and 2019.
—TNT
Big Al says
I haven’t seen Maryland play this year, so I can’t make an informed prediction on this game. In prior years, Maryland lost because their OL and defense front seven weren’t strong or physical enough to compete in the B1G. This lack of “physicality” was the primary reason why the Kitties have been able to dominate them in the past.
I suspect this weakness hasn’t been solved and that Penn State will be able to cover the spread IF they have practiced properly during past week, are ready to play at kickoff, and Clifford doesn’t get more injured during the game. However, that’s a pretty big IF, The team may have packed it in for the season – particularly if they think James is leaving for LA. So, I won’t predict a score for this game. The only thing I would rule out is State winning the game but failing to cover the spread. The Kitties either win by 14 points or more or lose by 4 points or less.
The Nittany Turkey says
You turned out to be right about PSU covering if they won. Kudos on that. If Maryland receivers could catch, it would have turned out differently, but you factored that into your prognostication, no doubt.
Now it’s on to Michigan, where they don’t have an answer for Dotson, either.
—TNT