Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Thanks to PSU Lion’s Den publisher/author/surgeon Todd, we now know that the Ball State Cardinal, like its counterpart at the University of Louisville, indeed has teeth. As a practicing ornithologist, he should know. ????? ?????? Wait, what? He’s an ophthalmologist? Never mind…
The Ball State Cardinals (1-0, 0-0 MAC), last year’s MAC champions come to St. Joe Memorial Stadium at Beaver Field Saturday at 3:30 PM offer themselves as a sacrifice to the football gods. The heavily favored #11 Penn State Nittany Lions (1-0, 1-0 B10) will seek to improve to 2-0 in front of a packed house.
Ball State is coming off a not very impressive 31-21 over Missouri Valley Conference Western Illinois, while Penn State, as you well know, beat Wisconsin ugly last week, with an anemic ground game and several gifts from God through His servant Graham Mertz. Sanguinarians now predict a 12-0 season and a playoff berth for PSU, as you know, but this Penn State team should easily handle the Cardinals. Should, I said — unless they’re too preoccupied looking ahead to Auburn next week.
Ball State’s secondary was porous against W Ill, allowing 367 passing yards, but their rushing defense held the Leathernecks to just 70 yards. It would be nice if Penn State would manage to do better than last week’s 50 yards on the ground. A couple of sustained drives by the Nittany Lion offense in the first half would earn major appreciation by the weary defense.
Penn State’s secondary was competent last week, and they’ll need to remain so this week. Ball State’s Super Senior Justin Hall leads the FBS with 265 career receptions. Last week, Hall had eight catches for 137 yards against Western Illinois.
The Cardinals are a well-seasoned bird, with most of their team returning from last year, including sixteen fifth-year seniors.
I hope the Penn State rushing game works in the first half, because I will be bored otherwise. The offensive line play will be key. They weren’t remarkably effective last week, but that was Wisconsin. How about a hundred-yard day for No(v)ah Cain, for starters?
And the kicking game. Franklin explained that there are three parts to the kicking game: the snap, the hold, and the kick. He said the laces weren’t positioned right. That sounds like my excuse on the golf course. My shoes are laced up wrong. Yeah, that’s it. (I know the ball position on the hold is critical but come on. A missed extra point and a chip shot field goal?) Get that act together!
Last week, I failed miserably. I took the “over” and had Wisconsin scoring 42. The PSU defense is better than I thought, and they should easily handle David Letterman U this week. But the Cardinals are a hard-working, experienced squad, and they won’t be showering us with gift cards like Wisconsin did. Or should I just reduce it to Graham Mertz? Yeah, he’s the guy hanging in effigy in Madison as I write this.
Saturday is forecast to be a genuinely nice late summer day in University Park: partly sunny with a high of 74. I’d love to be there instead of steamy Central Florida!
Time now for the fallible forecast, the Official Turkey Poop Prediction, that awful offal extruded by this foul fowl. Yessssssss! And it counts!
The gamblers have made Penn State a 22½-point favorite, with an over/under of 57½. A little math reveals that this represents a break-even with the Nittany Lions winning 40-17 or some such thing. If Western Illinois can score 21 on Ball State, I believe Penn State can double that — IF they can muster some semblance of a running game. Relying on “explosive” plays (low percentage plays, in other words) can be a dangerous game. Not much chance of outright losing this one, but will they cover? I’m thinking they’ll put 32 on the board and allow 13, Just because I think Justin Hall can give our secondary some trouble. Yeah, that’s it. They ain’t going to cover the spread. I’ll go with Penn State 32, Ball State 13. Take the under.
(I’ll be back after the game with my sparkling witticisms, seasoned with a few I-told-you-sos).
Like chicken soup, I don’t know whether this game portends well for the season, but it couldn’t hoit. After a scoreless first-half puntfest in which the Badgers dominated “increasingly irrelevant time of possession” (IITOP), the Nittany Lions wound up winning.
Wisconsin fans are now officially calling for quarterback Graham Mertz’s head after he committed three game-changing turnovers, including two INTs in the closing moments. The Badgers had two excellent chances to win this one late, but their offensive screwups, coupled with Penn State’s staunch red zone defense, slammed the door shut.
Was it just Mertz’s opening night jitters? Whatever the case, the Badgers dominated the stats, but Penn State put up the numbers where they count — on the scoreboard. Meanwhile, Mertz had a horrendous day, winding it up with a QBR of 18.5. How LOW can you GO?
In the QB battle, though, Sean Clifford wasn’t exactly Joe Montana. His big redemption was finally hitting Jahan Dotson for a 49-yard TD early in the third quarter. Some of his other throws were wayyyyyyyy off the mark. However, it looks like the Franklin Era “we gotta have explosive plays” doctrine is in full effect. That and defense are what won this game for the Lions.
What certainly came close to losing it for them was their chosen all-purpose kicker, Jordan Stout. Jordo has a lot of distance in his leg, as exemplified by his typically unreturnable kickoffs and his long punt of the day being 76 yards. However, his short game is like mine used to be on the golf course: he missed a couple of easy chip shots, including an extra point. What happened to the more accurate Jake Pinegar? I’m told he is still on the team.
Wisconsin’s staunch defense was predictable, which is why “we gotta have explosive plays”. Running up the gut proved to be nothing but frustrations for the Lions, who “amassed” a putrid 50 yards rushing all day long. The passing game was a better bet against the Badgers’ D, with Dotson beating the coverage consistently — if only Clifford could have hit him when he did. Clifford wound up 18-33 for 247 yards and a TD, still a credible effort. Dotson had five catches for 102 yards and a TD. Clifford only hit four different receivers all day, and one of them was Noah Cain coming out of the backfield.
Jordan Stout owed a debt of gratitude to Jaquan Brisker for his interception of Mertz on fourth-and-goal from the PSU 8 with a couple minutes left in the game. Although they had sucked from scoring position all day, my heart had sunk, believing that the Badgers would surely score in this situation. Big-time college football kickers don’t flub extra points, so I saw a 17-16 loss and a disgraced Jordan Stout on the near horizon. I felt relieved when Brisker snagged that INT.
However, my euphoria was short-lived. The damn game wasn’t over yet. Once again, Penn State couldn’t move the ball, so they wound up punting the ball back to the guys in red. It was like deja vu all over again as the Jerry Sandusky prevent defense bent but fortunately did not break. In fact, it was Mertz’s suckage that ended the game on a sour note for Wisconsin fans, tossing the ball to our own Ji’Ayir Brown with no time on the clock. It was a horrible throw, but the safeties did well today.
For having to be on the field continuously, the Penn State defense was tired but solid. They need to improve. Wisconsin had 174 yards on the ground, which we all would have predicted if asked.
Is TOP increasingly irrelevant? As I mentioned, the Nittany Lions’ defense was on the field a lonnnnnnnng time, given that the Badgers held the ball for 43 minutes. They managed to keep it together for this game, but as the season wears on, the defense will wear out at this rate. Penn State was able to convert only three of thirteen third downs and no fourth downs. Do we need “explosive” plays? You betcha! Did it take a gift from either God or Graham Mertz to win this one? Yowzah! Can we keep on winning with this imbalance in TOP? Methinks not. Fix it, Yurcich!
I imagine that the Sanguinarians will now think a playoff berth is inevitable. But it’s a lonnnnng season.
(I’ll be back during the week with a prediction of the big showdown with Ball State. I’m not sure, but does their team logo cardinal have teeth, like Louisville’s? Who the hell ever heard of a bird with teeth? But I digress…)
