Archives for October 2022

Ohio State 44, Penn State 31

The game could have gone either way after three quarters were played, but Ohio State stepped on the gas in the fourth quarter, scoring 28 points to Penn State’s 17. With a career performance by defensive end J. T. Tuimoloau, who had a monster day forcing turnovers, and by turning to their talented skill players in crunch time, they transformed what had been an off-day for C. J. Stroud into a resounding victory.

Turnovers’ll Kill Ya

After the game, I was on a bell pepper run to Publix when Chris the Checkout Guy spotted my Penn State t-shirt and bemusedly asked, “What happened?” He said he had left to go to work in the third quarter when the game was tight, and then while at work he saw the final score. “Turnovers,” I said. “Lots of them, including a pick-six.” The Nittany Lions had taken the road less traveled, and it made all the difference.

Four turnovers against Ohio State spells doom. The Buckeyes had none of their own. In an evenly played game, that’s a killer. Turnovers’ll killya. Q.E.D.

Pass Happy

Sean Clifford came out throwing: forty-seven pass attempts, to be exact. That’s a lot of passes for our sixth-year super senior.

As Darrell Royal once said, “When you throw the ball, three things can happen and two of them aren’t good.” (Some assholes at the bar will always pop up and say it was Woody Hayes or Bo Schembechler who said it, but I’m saying it was Darrell Royal, so STFU!). Well, on three of those forty-seven pass attempts, bad things happened, and that doesn’t even count the lost possession fumble on a strip-sack.

Anyway, Clifford was 32-47 for 371 yards with three touchdowns and three interceptions. Plus, that one disastrous strip-sack, if you don’t mind me mentioning it again. Meanwhile, C. J. Stroud was 26-33 for 354 yards and a TD. No interceptions, though. Oh, yeah. That makes a difference, doesn’t it?

Stroud’s star receivers made a difference too, although it was a wash between Schmuckeye Marvin Harrison, Jr. (10 for 185 with a long of 37) and Penn State’s Parker Washington (11 for 179 with a long of 58 and a TD).

Big Man on Defense

Defensive end J. T. Tuimoloau had a career day, including a pick-six that sealed the deal. According to ESPN, Tuimoloau became one of three FBS players in the past fifteen seasons to record two sacks, a forced fumble, a fumble recovery, an interception, and a touchdown in a single game. Tuimoloau did even better, as he had not one, but TWO interceptions. His final line: six tackles, three solo, two sacks, and three tackles for loss.

Run for Your Lives

The Penn State running game was present, but well bottled up except for one 27-yard run by Kaytron Allen. The Schmuckeyes had similar issues running the ball against the stalwart Penn State front seven, but one 41-yard TD-scoring run by Treveyon Henderson put tOSU ahead for good early in the fourth quarter. From that point, the Bucks scored three more touchdowns, while the Nittany Lions could only muster a field goal and a meaningless touchdown with 1:12 left in the game. The subsequent onside kick failed, but at that point they would have needed two touchdowns to win.

Otherwise, the Nittany Lions outran the Bucks 111-98. But the only stat that matters is the one on the scoreboard at the end of the game.

And, In Summation…

Yeah, turnovers’ll killya. Penn State played hard and steadily. The Nittany Lions` had more first downs than their opponents, they rang up more total yards, and they did very well on third and fourth down conversions. They were moving the ball well. But four turnovers against a good team is not survivable.

For you still exuberant Sanguinarians® clinging to a false hope of a playoff spot and considering all the plausible scenarios that could put the Nittany Lions in there if the stars are properly aligned, I’ll leave you with this quote from the late, lamented John McKay, head coach of the USC Trojans (1960-1975) and the NFL Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1975-1984), one of my football quote heroes:

Three or four plane crashes and we’re in the playoffs.

—John McKay

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Yes, I was wrong about the game’s outcome. My prediction was 46-17 and the game wound up 44-31. From the gambling perspective, the Schmuckeyes did not cover the spread and the OVER would have been the winner. So, I’m an idiot, but I am heartened by the realization that Penn State played much better than I thought they would. We’ll move on from here, and we still can see a 10-2 season. I’ll be back with a look at the forthcoming game at 3-5 Indiana.

#2 Ohio State vs. #13 Penn State

You never know. I’d be stupid(er) if I were to play it straight here and analyze what defies analysis. I could offer coachlike platitudes like, “We’re up against a good football team,” or “the only thing to concentrate on is going 1-1 this week.” Not gonna do it. I will allow that there is a minuscule possibility of an upset based on a decided home field advantage. (Notice that I didn’t say “based off of”. Who the hell ever produced that abomination and why is it so universally adopted in the crappy speech and prose of latter-day social media wankers?).

I’ve seen lots in this series, which admits the possibility that anything goes. I was attending Penn State in 1964 when the most shocking Penn State victory occurred. It was 27-0, it was in Columbus, and Woody Hayes made no bones (or throat punches) about the fact that his boys’ asses were soundly kicked out there. I was present in Beaver Stadium in 1994 for the most lopsided game in the series*, where the Nittany Lions kicked even more ass, prevailing 63-14. Playing the Schmuckeyes is always special, whether you want to admit it or not.

Now, we here. The toughest game of the year. Ohio State is 7-0 and looking very playoff worthy. Meanwhile, the student section vomitories at Beaver Stadium are likely to be teeming with drunken humanity and bilious aromas once again, even with such an early kickoff. Been there, done that. You see, Penn State students know as much about drinking as Penn State players know about peanut butter and jelly sandwich chucking.

A Nooner

The TV schedulers don’t think much of this matchup, else it would have been scheduled for a prime-time slot. In the Big Ten, Michigan vs. Moo U. got that coveted time slot. To be fair, we had it last week for the laugher against Minnesota. For this game, we find ourselves back in familiar territory with a noon kickoff. At least it’s at home.

So what might be the chances for Dear Old State, you ask? Slightly better than they would have been if Ryan Day hadn’t put Jaxon Smith-Njigba on play restriction. But they have other talented wide receivers, like Marvin Harrison, Jr., a chip off the old block if ever there was one, and Emeka Egbuka, bearing an in-vogue Swahili moniker. ESPN’s power meter, not to be confused with Al Goldstein’s Peter Meter, gives Poon State a 20.4% chance. It’s called the Matchup Predictor, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to slide the Peter Meter joke in there.

C. J. Stroud is the front-runner for the Heisman Trophy this year, to date having thrown for 2023 yards and 28 touchdowns this year. Contrast that with our boy Sean Clifford’s 1445 yards and 13 TDs. The Buckeyes score an average of 49.6 points per game. (But, gee, Daddy! They haven’t faced anything as formidable as the mighty Penn State defense this year, have they?). Ohio State scores just enough points to handily beat their opponents and then they add significant humiliation by pumping the final score to stratospheric heights.

Last Time Out

Both had delightful home games last time out. As you know, Penn State easily handled Minnesota, while tOSU manhandled Iowa 54-10. Iowa’s offense isn’t built to score a shitload of points, so no way were they even going to get close to the Buckeyes’ output. In that game, even with Smith-Njigba on play restriction and only one catch, Stroud threw for 286 yards and four touchdowns against a sound Hawkeye defense, with Emeka Egbuka and Marvin Harrison getting thirteen grabs and two touchdowns between them. You’d think they might be missing Chris Olave, but the talent runs deep in Columbus.

Iowa managed to keep the Buckeyes running game at bay, constraining the tandem of Treveyon Henderson and Miyan Williams to only 57 yards on 21 carries. But who needs the running game when you have the “explosive” game that is the stuff of James Franklin’s wet dreams? That’s why, like PSU, they were only 3-13 on third-down conversions.

On defense, the Schmuckeyes forced three fumbles and three interceptions on their avian eye counterparts. They recorded five sacks and ten tackles for loss, along with three QB hurries. Will Clifford get a chance to make plays? I dunno, but we’re going to see.

Da Wedda

A beautiful football day is afoot, as da weddaperson is calling for sunny with a high of 58 and little wind. This is one of the few areas in which I am not blowing big wind, as it were.

Da Bottom Line

I know that some of you skip the above drivel to see what this fool is going to predict. That’s why I’m going to repeat the Al Goldstein joke here. Why should you miss gems like that? Just kidding. Time for the Official Turkey Poop Prediction, the fecal fumbling of a foul old fowl whose offal record impresses no one and whose blood runs through my instrument and whose heart is in my soul. But the leader of the band is tired, and his eyes are growing old, you say.

When I saw the gambling line for this one, I laughed. Could there be that much of a disparity between the #2 and #13 teams in the country? You can bet your ass on it. Is it possible that I’m full of shit? You can bet your ass on that, too.

The current spread is 15.5, and the over/under is 61, which suggests that the punters think Penn State can lose by a couple of touchdowns in a game that is likely to end with tOSU again scoring close to 40 points. It would work out to be 38-23 or thereabouts. Good luck with that. Ohio State allows 240 yards per game and only 14.9 points. This ain’t looking good. I’ll be generous to Penn State when I predict Ohio State 46, Penn State 17. I think the over/under is about where it belongs. “Based off of” precisely what, you ask? Damned if I know.

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*Actually, tied for lopsidedness with 2013, which ended up with the same score, but it was the Schmuckeyes prevailing in that one, hence my convenient mental block.

I’ll be back after the game to wonder why I was so wrong about my prediction.

Penn State 45, Minnesota 17

No one was throwing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the White Out on Saturday night. Instead, they were chugging the newly authorized Beaver Stadium beer and having a gay old time. (Can we still say “gay” to mean the old, non-co-opted definition of the word?) The Nittany Lions won many of the Franklinesque, so-called battles, warming the collective hearts of the Nittany Nation and temporarily eradicating memories of the Debacle at Ann Arbor.

One from Column A, One from Column B – No Egg Loll

With a freshman replacement quarterback subbing for the highly experienced but injured Tanner Morgan, Minnesota was fresh gopher meat for the Penn State defense, which concentrated on stopping all-universe rushing threat Mo Ibrahim (for some reason, pronounced as a non-Arabic EYE-bra-him). Mo still managed to get 100+ yards and a touchdown, but his average was 3.4 yards per carry and his longest was only thirteen yards. Freshman quarterback Athan the Greek (from Williamsport, PA) was off the mark much of the day, going 9-22 for 175 yards with one touchdown and one interception.

Meanwhile, the Penn State offense was present, too. The running game was working against Minnesota’s formerly well-regarded defense. Nick Singleton and Kaytron Allen shared much of the load, with 79 and 77 yards, respectively. Singleton had two touchdown runs. Sean Clifford had an excellent day, returning from his injury in the Debacle at Ann Arbor (cue heraldic trumpets), 22-31 for 295 yards, with four touchdowns and an interception. The offense conspired to convert five of eleven third-down opportunities, which is much better than their putrid average. Plus, they converted one fourth down, albeit in a low-pressure situation.

Defensively, linebacker Curtis Jacobs was this week’s standout, with fourteen tackles, seven of which were solo and two TFLs. And special teams had a good day, too, on both sides of the ball.

Big shout-out to the 109,000+ White Out fans, whose noise created several of the Gophers’ eight penalties.

Where from Here?

So, this will surely give the Sanguinarians® a false sense of security going into the big showdown with #2 Ohio State on Saturday.

What, then, do we think of this team, who last week was better at throwing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at their opponents at halftime than they were on the field? At this point, going into another potential debacle, which few see any chance of winning, a logical mind would conclude that they are going to panic and fold again next Saturday. Seems like they can manhandle inferior competition, although sometimes they get overconfident and distracted, such as in the Northwestern game. Will they fold their tent again against Ohio State?

Stay tuned…

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I’ll be back mid-week with a cynical overview of the Battle for the Big Ten East.