Elsewhere…

Penn State 45, Indiana 14

What’s this, a 1980s TV show revival? St. Elsewhere?

No, it ain’t. It’s just that our game paled in comparison to what was going on elsewhere in Division I-A, which is what the FCS was traditionally called until money and playoff bullshit changed all that, but I digress.

OK, I’ll Get It Out of the Way

Sanguinarians® believe that this is how all the Penn State games should wind up. We’re just that much better than everyone else, they think. Well, that’s bullshit. Penn State just proved that it is better than Indiana, who suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. So, I won’t bore you with endless stats. They’re meaningless. This will probably end up being the most lopsided game of the year. Even Ohio U. managed to get 16 first downs. Indiana had only 11.

We saw three Hoosier quarterbacks. After knocking veteran Jack Tuttle senseless, freshman Brendan Sorsby came in and sucked, so he yielded his position to Dexter Williams II, a sophomore from Macon, Georgia, who showed some impressive mobility but threw two interceptions. One of them was on a tipped ball, but the other was sheer stupidity, throwing a long ball in the midst of the hungry, vaunted, fanboy-loved Penn State secondary.

Fanboys Get More of Allar

Meanwhile, Sean Clifford played his usual game, 15-23 for 229 yards and an interception. He badly overthrew a couple of open receivers. The wind had died down by that time, so no excuses. Then, in the third stanza as I requested, Drew Allar came in with the Nittany Lions up 24-7 and with the game looking like it was totally won, already. Allar went 9-12 for 75 yards and two touchdowns, even scampering (if that’s what you call it when a giant QB lumbers forward) for a 10-yard gain.

It was a safe situation for Allar, as Indiana’s defense was completely ineffectual, recording only one sack and no hurries. Of course, they were lacking their stud linebacker, but they flat-out sucked, so Allar was never in danger of being mowed down.

Penn State’s ground game was present, ringing up 179 yards most of which were from the combined efforts of Kaytron Allen and Nick Singleton.

The PSU defense set a single-game record with sixteen tackles for loss. It was Guardiana (well, damnit, they renamed the Cleveland Indians so Indiana should be renamed, too) they were playing against, though. Remember that when you’re tempted to get cocky all of a sudden. I guess you can cling to the hope that they’re good enough to beat a potential postseason opponent like Tennessee or Oregon.

Lest the Sanguinarians get their hopes up, this was Nativeamericaniana, whose only conference win was the opener against Illinois (who showed their true colors today losing to Moo U.).

The Rest of the Story…

#1 Tennessee proved to be pretenders, as they were summarily dispatched by the Bulldogs of Athens 27-13. #4 Clemson was snockered by the unranked Fighting Irish, 35-14. (Let that be a lesson to Dabo & Company — start to get too vain and God will send you a message). The Questionably #2 Schmuckeyes had lots of trouble with a plucky, defense minded bunch of soggy Wildcats, who keep the game within a touchdown for most of the game. #5 Michigan had a strange game with Rutgers, who led at the half 17-14, but wound up losing 52-17.

The biggest and best game of the day was the slugfest between #6 Alabama and #10 LSU, won by LSU in overtime on a ballsy call by head coach Brian Kelly. With the game tied at 24 in overtime, the Crimson Tide scored first, running it in after a pass interference call in the end zone put the ball on the 1 yard-line. The successful extra point try put ‘Bama up 31-24. The Bengal Tigers of LSU came back and scored a touchdown. Kelly left the offense out there to go for 2. Quarterback Jayden Daniels threw a perfect strike to streaking tight end Mason Taylor for a successful two-point conversion. LSU upset Alabama 32-31. Both teams are now 7-2 contenders for the SEC West, along with Ole Miss, who won today and are 8-1.

What It Is?

In the words of the late Dick Enberg, “Oh, Myyyyy!” What will the Top Ten look like when the CFP meets on Tuesday? We’ll get the AP poll tomorrow. Georgia is likely to be #1. But who will be #2? Ohio State did not look all that good today. Neither did Michigan, until the fourth quarter. Is this going to be a “Who wants it?” kind of week? LSU will move up, and Clemson and Bama will move down. Round and round she goes and where she stops, nobody knows.

Taking a Week Off

I’ll be out of town most of the forthcoming week, so I might not provide you with my game notes for the Maryland game. Or I might. Depends on what I’m doing and when. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be), I won’t be able to watch the big showdown with the land turtles.

Changing the Clocks

Remember to fall forward — it’s much easier if you can see what you’re going to hit while you’re on your way down. Artificially Sweetened and I had a conversation that revealed that by Wednesday, we won’t know whether we’re coming or going. We have the disorienting time change tonight followed by Tuesday’s trip to a different time zone. Oy vey!

Whither the Whoosiers?

After this debacle, head coach Tom Allen must search for answers. That’s a meaningless, bullshit sports cliché. Hell, after today, he won’t even know the questions, let alone the answers. Flailing around trying to find some redemption, Allen already fired his offensive line coach and tried different quarterbacks. He might just need to conclude that the team suuuuuuuuuucks. Or he can take heart in misery loving company, albeit displaced by about 45 years, via this quote from my favorite quotable former NFL coach, John McKay, who when asked if he could find anything redeeming in that week’s loss by the hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Green Bay Packers, responded, “Yes, I can. The parking lot will be a whole lot easier to get into and out of for next week’s Detroit game.”

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