Archives for 2022

There Goes the Season!

Shades of Illinois 2021…

Central Michigan (1-2) at #14 Penn State (3-0)

Tickets are available as cheap as $19 for Penn State’s second home game of the 2022 season, as Sanguinarians®, Homies, and noonophobes have already put this contest in the win column for the now #14 Lions. Expectations are running high in the wake of the victory over a bad Auburn team. As I predicted, Sanguinarians are now starting to make their playoff plans. In view of this early optimism we fervently hope that when the bubble bursts, as it so graphically did last year, it does not leave lingering injuries.

While it is easy for the daydreaming (pipe dreaming?) fan base to look past the forthcoming two games and already be preparing for the trip to the Big House on October 15, let us hope that the team and its coaches recognize that the games with Central Michigan and Northwestern must not be overlooked. We must go 1-1 for each of the next two weeks, to use James Franklins ridiculous convention.

Penn State enters this game heavily favored, to the tune of four touchdowns, against a MAC opponent with a losing record. The Nittany Lions destroyed their previous MAC opposition, Ohio U, 46-10 in Week Two. PSU and CMU have met but once in the past, in 2005, with Penn State emerging victorious, 40-3.

The Chippewas generate lots of offense, but struggle on defense. To open the season, in a game where if the over/under was 100, you would have scored with the over, they lost to the Oklahoma State Cowboys (Big 12), 58-44. We know there’s no defense in the Big Twelve, so bear that in mind. In that conference, they focus on scoring points and seeing who remains standing after four quarters of mayhem. Then, the Chips bowed to the South Alabama Jaguars (Sun Belt) 38-24, and last week they thrashed the mighty Bucknell Bisons (Patriot) 41-0.

Last Outing

In that highly irrelevant Bucknell game, CMU dominated from start to finish, allowing only 174 total yards by its inferior opponent while racking up 529 of their own. As evidenced by the time of possession favoring the Bisons, the Chippewa scoring drives were quick and deadly — when they finally got going, which took a while. The mistake-filled first half’s only score was a late touchdown by the Chippies, who took a 7-0 lead into the locker room. They farted around until late in the third quarter, when they scored two more touchdowns. Then, they piled up 21 points against a worn out Bucknell defense in the fourth quarter. Final score 41-0. Diagnosis: mutual incompetence.

Abysmal Kicking

The first thing that stands out, other than overall incompetence, is the absolutely shitty kicking game exhibited by the Chipsters in the Bucknell game. They used two different place kickers to combine for 0-3 on field goals and 5-6 on PATs. That blows!

Otherwise

I’m too lazy to dig further into this mismatch. I’m a self-designated noonophobe, so I tend to give short shrift to these scheduling afterthoughts.

Da Wedda

Fall is here and we’re getting fall weather in Happy Valley. The forecast high for Saturday is 65, with some fog in the morning. Looks like great fall football weather!

Da Bottom Line

Now it’s time for the Nittany Turkey’s Official Turkey Poop Prediction, a dubious weekly feature of this blog. I know you are filled with wonderment over how inaccurate this foul old fowl can be in predicting games for which all of you mind-betters know the outcome (or will say you did ex post facto).

Whither, then, goest Penn State? Forsooth, a win, a palpable win! Yea, verily, the Turkey is predicting a win. But by a veritable mile or by a mouse who squeaketh? (Enough pseudo-Shakespearean bullshit — let’s get on with it!). Penn State favored by 28 with an over/under of 63, which works out to a narrow victory to the tune of PSU 45, CMU 17. But CMU cannot kick field goals, and I think they have only a chance of a late TD when facing the clean jerseys. I’m going with Penn State big. Penn State 56, CMU 6. (That’s a TD with a missed extra point by CMU, not two field goals). Penn State covers, but because it’s right on the mark, I’m staying off the o/u.

I’ll be back after this momentous showdown at high noon to brag about how incorrect my prediction was. Or not.

Penn State 41, Auburn 12

Penn State (3-0, 1-0 Big Ten) added a nail to Bryan Harsin’s coffin at Auburn (2-1, 0-0 SEC) with a dominating second half performance in oranged-out Jordan-Hare, 41-12. A Penn State running game was in evidence.

Are you convinced yet? Penn State is clearly going to the CFP! I know because Sanguinarians are posting crap saying so all over the Internet. Surely, we’ll crack the Top Ten this week! OMG OMG, visions of glory. But I have three words for you: REMEMBER LAST YEAR. Or in otherthreewords, to quote Lee Corso, NOT SO FAST!

Well, we won the war, but did we win the battles? (Yet another overused, hackneyed Franklin metaphor).

Trenches Battle

Among the positive signs comforting to even non-Sanguinarians was the line play on both sides of the ball. The much-maligned offensive line showed signs of understanding run blocking schemata. Penn State wound up with 245 yards rushing on 39 attempts. Sean Clifford was well protected in the passing game, which took a backseat to the run, with no sacks recorded. Meanwhile, the defense notched six sacks and eleven tackles for loss, along with nine QB hurries. Abdul Carter, the latest stud to wear #11, had six solo tackles, a sack, and a TFL. Encouraging performance!

Turnover Battle

The mighty Penn State defense forced four turnovers while the offense committed none of their own.

Penalty Battle

Early on, it seemed that the noise drills Franklin ran back in Happy Valley were ineffectual. In Franklin’s words “we did NOT win the penalty battle.”

Third-Down Battle

Penn State improved to a 5-11 performance on third-down conversions.

Kicking Battle

Jake Pinegar was 2-2 on field goals and 5-5 on extra points. A perfect day for Jake. Barney Amor had a decent day punting, averaging 43 yards on only three punts.

Coaching Battle — ByeBye Harsin

Bryan Harsin is on his way out as Auburn head coach. Five straight losses to Power Five teams suggest it. While this game might not seal the deal, an in-conference loss to Mizzou next week might just do the trick.

As for Franklin, what’s with that stupid fourth-down call in the opening series? Clifford has just had his bell rung on an open field third-down run, and our boy James calls a QB sneak on fourth around the 50?

On to CMU (No, Not Carnegie-Mellon)

Penn State will be favored for the next couple of weeks in preparation for the bye week and the road trip to the Big House. Nevertheless, they must not overlook Central Michigan and Northwestern. This week, CMU blanked Bucknell 41-0, while NWU was embarrassed by Southern Illinois, 31-24.

Around the Big Ten

Most of the Eastern powerhouses summarily dispatched their feeble opponents. Aside from PSU, #3 Ohio State trouced Toledo 77-21, while #4 Michigan mushed the UConn Huskies 59-0. Formerly #11 Moo U. was the exception, being mushed by the other Huskies of Washington, 39-28. Indiana (3-0) outlasted Wested Kentucky 33-30 in overtime, while in the conference’s only high school games, Rutgers squeaked by Temple 16-14 while Maryland came back to overcome the ponies of SMU, 34-27.

Remember 2021

Although there are encouraging signs of life in the running game this year, do not forget how the season went last year. I’d rather forget it, but those who don’t remember the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them.

We’re certainly favored to be 5-0 going into the Michigan game, just as we were 5-0 last year going into the Iowa game, having beaten Wisconsin, Ball State, Auburn, Villanova, and Indiana. After losing to Iowa, the Nittany Lions were only able to beat Maryland and Rutgers, winding up 7-6. So, once again, cautious optimism is the path forward.

With #11 Moo U. losing, #18 Florida barely squeaking by USF, Oregon kicking some #12 Mormon ass, and #13 Miami losing to the Aggies, there’s some upward movement possible in the polls, which are essentially meaningless at this juncture in the season. Remember, mateys, that PSU made it all the way to #4 last year before The Battle of the Century with #3 Iowa — both teams’ rankings proved to be completely full of shit.

I’ll be back mid-week with a look at the mighty Chippewas! Can we still call them the Chippewas? How about just the Chippies? That wouldn’t offend anyone. Carpenters in the UK and loose women in the US would be singularly honored.