Archives for 2022

#22 Penn State (2-0) visits Auburn (2-0)

Can I produce post titles, or what? Shit, yeah! Today’s title will make sense for you (or not) if you read further when we delve into trivia after presenting the basics.

Penn State (2-0, 1-0 Big Ten), somehow ranked #22 by the AP, thus raising Sanguinarian® expectations, travels to Auburn (2-0, 0-0 SEC) for the premiere out-of-conference game of the year for both squads. Auburn is coming off a squeaky, 24-16 victory over San José State, a game in which the Tigers were heavily favored, while the Nittany Lions, as you know, kicked some serious Ohio U ass, 46-10. Kickoff is scheduled for 3:30 PM ET on Saturday, which means 2:30 in Alabama.

Going Orange

Le Grand Orange was the nickname the Montreal Expos hung on Rusty Staub, their big first baseman, because he was big, and he had red hair. Ginger. Rusty. Orange. Although he was with the Expos for only three seasons (1969-1971), the locals loved the slugger so much that the Expos retired his #10 jersey. So, just how the hell does that affect what we’re here to talk about?

I’ll tell you. Auburn must have hired Guido d’Elia in the off-season, because the Tigers, big on pageantry, have declared this game to be an “orange-out” in Jordan-Hare Stadium. Yea, verily, with an expected crowd of 80,000 plus, Jordan’s Hair will be bright orange. The Nittany Lions might well feel as if they’re in the prison yard football movie “The Longest Yard.”

King James Prepares

At his media mash-up yesterday, PSU head coach James Franklin said that he was doing whatever he could do to prepare the troops for the environment in Auburn. I don’t know whether he rented an eagle to fly around Holuba Hall, so that phase — preparation for the mighty War Eagle — could be lacking. However, he mentioned the orange-out and something funny going on with the scoreboard at one end of the stadium, plus the noise, so who knows what form preparation will take? I’m hoping that it won’t involve orange paint.

Speaking of which…

Orange paint brings back memories of studenthood at Penn State in the 1960s, when we would do all-night guard duty around the Nittany Lion sculpture on the eve of the Syracuse game. Rumor had it that student pranksters from Syracuse were packing orange paint and were prepared to douse our sacred lion with it. The co-eds (what we used to call what are now known as womyn) set up a coffee stand and a socialization area in front of Pattee Library. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though I had brought a flask of something more internally warming than coffee. Those days are long gone, but nostalgia is comfort for aged old farts like this foul old fowl. So, I will continue to bore you with these digressions.

But I digress…

Auburn is a run-oriented football team, and that spells trouble for the not yet coalesced front seven of Penn State. They better start making some tackles. In the SJSU game, Auburn’s ground attack produced 210 yards. Their leading rusher was freshman QB Robbie Ashford, with 61; in his previous outing against Mercer, he ran for 100 yards. Tank Bigsby, their big junior tailback, had 51 yards on 13 attempts, an off day after his 16-147 against Mercer. You might remember Tank from last year’s game with PSU, where he gained 102 yards on 23 carries.

Quarterback Controversies Everywhere

Auburn is no exception to the requisite quarterback controversy at this stage of the season. In addition to Ashford, there is junior QB T. J. Finley, a huge, 6’7″, 250 lb pocket passer who went 13-20 for 167 yards in his outing against SJSU. His stats in the prior game were similar. Finley was named starting QB prior to the season, but Ashford made his strong presence felt when he was tapped in the second half of the Mercer game. Head coach Bryan Harsin maintains that Finley is the starter and indeed, he is listed as the only starter for the Penn State game. (This, after last week’s depth chart listed Finley OR Ashford as the starting QB).

So, Auburn will give a couple of different offensive looks, depending on who is lining up at QB. Aside from that, here’s more trivia for you. Finley, a transfer portal acquisition from LSU, was the first college football player to sign an NIL deal with Amazon. However, a search on Amazon yields no T. J. Finley jerseys or any other sportsmerch. Speaking of the transfer portal, the Tigers also acquired QB Zach Calzada from Texas A & M. Ain’t the pecuniary world of college football in 2022 just darling?

Ain’t No Defense for Dat

Defensively, Auburn gave up 329 total yards to SJSU, 275 of which were aerial. They shut down the running attack very well, allowing only 54 yards on 29 attempts. In the prior game, they held mighty Mercer to 31-74. Unless Penn State can continue to break Nick Singleton loose on the outside, Penn State will need to throw the ball much of the time. I don’t think you can count on our offensive line to enable the inside running game quite yet, and this team still sucks at converting third downs. Franklin mentioned it in his presser — said they’re going to work on it. Yeah, right.

Famous Alumni and Alumnae

In the old days before all the gender bullshit and sensitivity to gender-specific suffixes, we classified all students who were graduated by an academic institution, without regard to their gender pronoun (he, she, it, sheeit, they, whateverthefuck) as alumni, which is the plural of the Latin masculine alumnus. For coeds (what womyn, women, girls, broads, babes, chicks, wool or whatever were formerly called in the college context), we used the Latin feminine alumna, of which the plural is alumnae. But no longer. From supposedly college-educated idiots of 2022, we hear such abominable utterances as, “I am a alumni of the University of Pittsburgh” (just a random example 🙂 ). This is utter bullshit! Back to the point, I’m simply happy that the Penn State Alumni Association has not (yet) become the Penn State Alumthey Association.

Of course, that previous paragraph got us nowhere. We’re here to name some important alumni of Auburn University. You’re all aware of names like Charles Barkley and Bo Jackson, no doubt. But did you know that Tim Cook, CEO of Apple Computer, is a 1982 alumnus? Well, I didn’t either. No way I’m going to put a picture of his face here, so I’ll move on.

Notre Dame is 0-2

While drinking my morning coffee, I encountered an article no doubt written by a Fighting Irish homey on Fentanyl, desperately declaring that Notre Dame still could make the playoffs. Ever have coffee explode out of your nose?

Da Wedda

The weather in Auburn Alabama in mid-September is always a factor. Our genius head coach has stated that he will prepare the team for the heat (along with the eagle, the scoreboard, and the sea of orange I previously mentioned) by piping steam heat into Holuba Hall. Heat strokes are anticipated. However, this could all be overblown, as a late summer cold front makes its way across the Heart of Dixie.

Our friends at AccuWeather are anticipating a nice football afternoon, with a high of 85 and a RealFeel® of 90. Not so hot, from this Turkey’s Central Florida perspective. So, we’ll have more heat strokes in practice in steam heated Holuba Hall than in Jordan-Hare.

Da Bottom Line

We’ve reached the point in the season at which we think we know something about the Nittany Lions. Yet there are still many unknowns, including weaknesses in tackling and pass rush by the front seven, as well as the omnipresent question marks regarding the offensive line. This makes the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication a crapshoot, but that is what I do here: shoot crap.

The notion of relying on explosive plays is also confuddling. Penn State’s third-down production is putrid, which will bite us badly in close games where the nuclear option has been nullified. I am just not comfortable with an offensive so unproductive on third down. Don’t let 46 points against Ohio U jade you.

Getting there, already…

Last week, I screwed up big time, thinking PSU wouldn’t cover the spread and that Ohio U could keep it close. I learned something from that. What did I learn? I learned that, despite my age, I have not yet acquired the requisite wisdom to intelligently forecast football games, so I resort to bullshit. There! I’ve taken myself out of the pressure cooker, and I can spew nonsense again. (As if I ever stopped…).

The current line in Las Vegas is Penn State by 3 and an over/under of 47.5. That works out to a Penn State victory of 26-22 on hostile turf. Can Nick Singleton do it again? The Auburn defense is not Ohio U, so this is a big test, one that will leave the Sanguinarians crying in their beer. Auburn runs for 300 yards and shuts down the mighty Nittany Lion offense’s plastic explosives. Meanwhile, with explosions stifled, the Nittany Lions go 3-15 on third-down and punt a lot. Auburn 24, Penn State 20. Take the under this time again, maybe, perhaps.

I’ll be back after the big game to give you something more to think about, mister! (Echoing the ancient words of my late dad). Was he wrong to call me “mister” before I made the decision regarding which of the currently available six genders I ultimately wanted to be? Wait, we have way more than six. Calculus is involved, as “non-binary” is a continuum. But I digress…

Penn State 46, Ohio 10

The explosive plays of James Franklin’s wet dreams were abundant on Saturday, as the Penn State Nittany Lions (2-0, 1-0 Big Ten) summarily dispatched the Ohio U Bobcats (1-1, 0-0 MAC) by the score of 46-10 before an announced home crowd of 107,306 (which is always a lie). Two freshmen, running back Nick Singleton and quarterback Drew Allar, impressed us with their big play ability. As always, I’ll caution my readers that this was Ohio U, so don’t get your hopes up too much, but enjoy the victory, anyway.

These young dudes are the future of the Nittany Lions, if they don’t decide to show their shit and then ditch Penn State for a playoff contender via the transfer portal. I should note here that Will Levis, our last hot QB prospect who did not get the playing time he wanted, bolted for Kentucky, where he has thrived. Yesterday, the Wildcats kicked some Gator ass. The moral of the story is play ’em or lose ’em, a sad fact in today’s pecuniary world of college football.

Quotable Quote

The ESPN power rankings put Penn State at number twenty-four this week. In the blurb, staff writer and former Penn State football beat reporter for the Centre Daily Times, Heather Dinich, asked the question, “Have the Nittany Lions found their running game?” Good question, Heather! A question for which we hope the answer is “yes”; however, a few standout plays by a fine freshman running back breaking loose at this early juncture against a MAC opponent tells us little. Most of Singletons yards were gained without much help from the suspect offensive line.

Dinich went on to spout the facts. “Freshman Nick Singleton had 10 carries for 179 yards and two touchdowns, but it was his big-play capability that was most encouraging. Singleton had three carries over 40 yards apiece — more than all Penn State players had combined (two) in the previous two seasons. Yes, it was against Ohio, but the Lions’ defense also was smothering, as the Bobcats only crossed midfield three times. Penn State needed the complete effort before heading to Auburn.”

Offensive Line Tracking

The boys gave up five sacks, plus eight TFLs and a QB hurry. Obviously, the O-line is still a work in process.

No QB Controversy

Clearly, 14th-year super-senior Sean Clifford, who was 19-27 for 213 yards and a TD, is the starting quarterback. However, much like Steelers fans are clamoring for Kenny Pickett over Mitch Trubisky, Nittany Lions fans will be inundating social media with their plaintive cries for more playing time for freshman Drew Allar, who got his feet wet with a 6-8 performance for 88 yards and two TDs. For my money, this year should be a seasoning year for Allar, who represents the future for PSU at QB, notwithstanding the omnipresent prospect of transfer portal desertion. Christian Veilleux also got into the mix, going 6-7 for 37 yards. It is clear to me that, absent injuries to Clifford and Allar, Veilleux will get clean-up duty in the fourth quarter in garbage time situations.

Heather Seen It

The running game was a refreshing presence, not seen by Penn State fans for a shitload long time. With feature back Nick Singleton earning the Lion’s share of the yards, we still must note that the rest of the backfield added 57 yards, which would have been greater were it not for the five QB sacks applied by the Bobcat D. Freshman Kaytron Allen shows additional promise, with 7-45.

Butbutbut Third Down Woes Continue

Some would argue that “explosive plays” obviate the need for third-down conversions. I might be old school, but I still want these clowns to be able to convert on third down. The Nittany Lions were a putrid 3-12 in this game. Improvement is necessary to be competitive. They can’t ALL be explosive plays, so they need some bread-and-butter grinding to move down the field against the better opposition.

Defense

The mighty Penn State front seven were just a-ight, recording but a single sack but holding the mighty Bobcats to one-hundred yards on the ground.

Kicking — WTF?

WTF? You would think Jake Pinegar was a raw rookie playing his first game in Beaver Stadium. Missing one easy field goal and one extra point (which high school girls have no trouble making) I must repeat. WTF?

On the other hand, Barney Amor’s punting looked solid, and the downfield coverage was excellent. Keep up the good work, boys!

Wrapping It Up

Well, PSU covered the spread, just like I didn’t tell you they would. The game was never really close, but I told you it would be uncomfortably close for a while. So, the moral of that story is: I’m full of shit, as usual.

Auburn (2-0) next week. They’re coming off a 24-16 home victory over San José State, in which they trailed 10-7 in the first half. They previously beat Mercer 42-16, so we don’t yet know whether they are any good. Penn State represents their first major test of the year, and you can be sure that if PSU prevails, the Sanguinarians will instantly put Penn State in the playoffs.

I’ll be back mid-week for a look at Auburn and some out-of-the-ass predictions.

Ohio U (1-0, 0-0 MAC) vs. Penn State (1-0, 1-0 B10)

When Penn State hosts the Ohio U Bobcats at noon on Saturday, a perennial presence will be missing from the visitors’ sideline. Long-time head coach Frank Solich retired last year after a distinguished coaching career at Ohio U and formerly, Nebraska.

Those who are my age (and his) might remember him as a fullback and captain of the Nebraska Cornhuskers for the 1965 season. Eventually, he was named as Tom Osborne’s successor as head coach of the ‘Huskers, where he coached the beefy, corn-fed Redmen (that’s their jersey color, not their skin, so we can still say it) to six consecutive bowl games. When he left Nebraska in 2003, having been fired by new AD Steve Pederson, he had more wins in his first six seasons than did his predecessors, Hall of Famers Bob Devaney and Tom Osborne.

Solich, after taking 2004 off, joined the Bobcats in 2005. To say that he rebuilt the program would be an understatement. His successes at Ohio U are reflected by the Bobcats’ appearance in eleven post-season bowl games. Until 2021, the season after which he retired, his coaching record was 115-82 at Ohio, and 173-101 career. While he is no longer the field general, he maintains his relationship with the program as special assistant to the Athletic Director.

Reduced Expectations

Solich’s sudden retirement put longtime offensive coordinator Tim Albin on the spot, thrown headlong into the head coaching job. Last year, the Bobcats struggled, going 3-9, which was their first losing season since 2008. Albin brings back lots of starters from that dog of a season. He better put up or he’ll be on the coaching hot seat. His four-year contract, signed last summer, provides no compensation if he is fired after December 31. A losing season would guarantee the heave-ho. And it doesn’t look good, because pundits are putting Miami and Kent ahead of Ohio in the MAC East. (What the hell do THEY know, anyway?).

A Wild Opener

Last week, the Bobcats held off a late rally by their owlish C-USA opponent, FAU, to prevail 41-38. Quarterback Kurtis Rourke was 27-34 for 345 yards, with four touchdowns and no INTs. The Ohio U. rushing attack gained 131 yards, with the standout performer being Sieh Bangura, with a 114-yard day. All this despite four sacks, seven quarterback hurries, and seven tackles-for-loss by the Owl defense.

On defense, Ohio was only able to record two sacks. That number should improve this week against the highly suspect Penn State offensive (truly) line.

PSU’s Home Opener

You can expect a crowd (at least three, by definition) to savor this game to be played Saturday at noon on Beaver Field at St. Joe Memorial Stadium (for those of you who are new to The Nittany Turkey, this is my sarcastic lament over the absence of a physical presence for Joe Paterno’s legacy). On just how large the crowd will be, I will not speculate. Given that Penn State’s first two home games are with MAC opponents (the other one is the mighty Central Michigan Chippewas¹) with a trip to Auburn sandwiched in-between, I’m thinking that the stands will more closely resemble last week’s Ross-Ade turnout than the announced attendance of 175,000 will suggest. We have a new AD. Gotta make him look good.

Franklin Sez…

Well, James G. Franklin was full of his usual platitudes, including “tough opponent” and “we have our work cut out for us”. He gave his team’s performance in the Purdue game an “F” for “explosive plays”. Yeah, right. There were none unless you count the Boilermakers’ 74-yard pick six interception return.

Dropped passes on both sides of the ball are another area for improvement, says Franklin. Yea, verily, Joey Porter had a slam-bang opportunity for a pick-six, which turned into a stat-padding breakup instead. Further, he said the offensive line needs work, giving up a sack and three tackles-for-loss against Purdue.

Franklin said the defensive front seven (two sacks and three TFLs) needs work but called out Joey Porter, Jr., who had received national recognition, and lauded the secondary. He was also quick to mention that 12th-year senior starting quarterback Sean Clifford had been named co-Big Ten player of the week.

What I Think

Well, like the rest of you, I’m enthusiastically anticipating observing how Penn State’s defensive backs compete against quality passing attacks, given the refreshing new defensive play calling by Manny Diaz. Let us blow taps for the Sandusky/Bradley/Pry soft zone and hope that it remains dead and buried. Yeah, yeah, I know, zone has its place — just not on EVERY DAMN PLAY! Ohio U has a balanced offense, but Rourke threw 34 times in the FAU game, so the secondary will get a workout on Saturday.

I’m also looking forward to some improvements by the ground game’s law firm of Allen, Lee, and Singleton, although the much-maligned offensive line gave them little help in the opener. And

Back in 2012, the last time these two teams squared off, the Bobcats won 24-14, to spoil Bill O’Brien’s coaching debut. The series stands at 5-1 in favor of the Nittany Lions.

So, yeah, I expect a win, but the interesting part for me will be looking for improvement between last week and this. I might even venture a prediction, just for the hell of it.

Da Wedda

Da Weddaman be looking for a foggy early fall morning in State College Town, with a 15% chance of the wet stuff. By halftime, the temp should reach 79, which makes it a pretty nice, partly cloudy late summer day.

Da Bottom Line

This is the inaugural Official Turkey Poop Prognostication and Painful Prediction of the fledgling 2022 season. For those of you who don’t yet know it, I’m completely full of shit. So, don’t be looking here for any advice on how to risk your gambling capital. The Nittany Turkey takes no responsibility for your failures, but if given the chance, will take full credit for your successes. And some of you might get pissed off at me for being brutally honest about the fact that your best successes with Penn State typically involve taking the points and betting against them.

This is a “nooner”, albeit fortunately, at home, and it matches PSU up with an opponent from a lesser stratum of semi-pro college football, so “that dullard look”² of an unmotivated team is always a danger. It will be up to Franklin and staff to motivate the troops to get out there and take care of business.

And so, my flock, this foul old fowl flies forlornly forth, venturing into the vagaries and vicissitudes of the world of semi-pro college football. (After that crappy alliteration, I’ll literally spare you my rant over the tragic, albeit ubiquitous, abuse of the adverb literally). Looking west to Vegas and its pecuniary crystal ball, we have the Lions favored by 24.5, with an over/under of 54. A little algebra (which, as a kid, I pronounced al-BER-ja, when I first encountered the word in print) will tellya that break-even done be at Penn State 39, Ohio U. 15. I am thinking that it is reasonable, but Penn State will keep this one uncomfortably close for a while and won’t cover, so make it PSU 35, Ohio U 17, but take the under.

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¹Will the Chippewas be the Chippewas much longer? Last I heard, they still were. We’re in an era of de-Indianization, or should I call it “contranativeamericanindigenousperceiveddissingization”? What do you think will be a good mascot for the former Chippewas? The Commanders is already taken. How about the Chippies? In England, that’s a nickname for a carpenter, but here, it means a loose woman. And so, I ramble on about nothing.

²“That dullard look” copyright © 2017, Urban Meyer.

The almighty Nittany Turkey writes this awful offal twice per game week or whenever the hell he feels like it. Being old and retired has its rewards, you know.