Verily, the Big Ten Shat

Conference Suspends Harbaugh

Coach Jim Harbaugh of the #3 Michigan Wolverines, will not coach any more games for the remainder of the 2023 season. While the NCAA farted around with the sign-stealing investigation, making us all sick and tired of hearing about it, we were exhorting them to shit or get off the pot. They haven’t yet shat, but meanwhile, the Big Ten was doing some plotting of its own. They didn’t pull the rug out from under the NCAA investigation, but they made a firm statement to member schools about surveillance bullshit and cheating. Conduct unbecoming an upstanding academic institution that hires football players with low IQs.

So, now, the Antisanguinarians have a peg to hang their hat on if Penn State wins on Saturday. In retrospect, they’ll say that Penn State only won because of the upheaval created by the conference. On da udder hand, Sanguinarians will use the same excuse to obviate any negative spin on a Penn State blowout loss. And, as always, the truth is somewhere between those extrema, closer to the mean. I’m mean, I know.

To this Turkey, it appears to be a slap on the wrist. They haven’t completely suspended Jim Harbaugh. Instead, they waggled a finger at him, “Bad boy. You may not coach during the remaining games.” Of course, that leaves all the time between games, for which he is not suspended and may still run the team. Perhaps some window dressing so if the NCAA ever hands out a harsh punishment, Harbaugh can say he served his time?

This, to me, seems to be a bullshit appeasement move on the part of the Big Ten, which was getting pressure from member schools, notably Purdue, who had no excuses for being blown out. Thus appeased, they can point to the cheating, which has not been proven.

Scapegoat Gone

The hapless schmuck who committed the alleged crime, Connor Stalions, has “resigned” from his position at Maize and Blue U. He was probably the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Although Harbaugh puts on his Sergeant Schultz act, stating, “I know nothing. NOTHING!”, he’s full of shit, too. Now, we’ll watch the lawyers from UM, the Big Ten, and the NCAA duke it out. This is football?

Yeah, it’s big time, big money college football, where billions are made and lost and we, the fans, must put up with humongous piles of bullshit such as this. We gladly pay the price by watching endless commericals that extend a one-hour game to four hours. The NFL farm teams need our support, though, or they won’t be able to pay for exorbitant coaching contracts and players’ NIL rights. I think we should boycott the whole bunch of overpaid putzes. Go out and watch some Division III or Pop Warner. Now that’s pure football. This whole, overblown bullshit thing that we call college football is reminiscent of the gladiator games in Rome during Commodus’ caeserhood. The Fall. Yep.

So let’s label Signgate for what it truly is: industrial espionage — the same games played in all big money businesses.

Deny, deny, deny!

Oh, and as for Michigan AD Wards Manuel, I can hear General Borkhalter admonishing the guy who best take responsibility for it all instead of letting two-bit weenie Connor Stalions be the scapegoat: “Klink, YOU IDIOT!!”

I doubt that this will have any adverse effect on tomorrow’s game, but the fanboys, fangirls, and detractors will have ready-made excuses no matter which way it goes. And, of course, K. John will tell us exactly what will happen. Come to think of it, are Connor Stalions and Wards Manuel made-up names? You can’t beat fact for imitation of fiction, can you? Gotta be characters named like that in a William Faulkner novel somewhere!