Eek, a Freak from Turtle Creek!

The title is a juvenile deprecation we Pittsburgh kids applied to our peers who lived in Turtle Creek, Pennsylvania, a suburb of da Burgh. The only connection to this week’s game is that both involve turtles, albeit obliquely. Despite its quasi-irrelevance, I decided to employ it because I found the subject of the season-ender with Maryland boring. Accordingly, I felt the need to amuse myself with a bit of nostalgia.

Getting down to the point, the #4 Penn State Nittany Lions (10-1, 7-1 Big Ten) host the Maryland Terrapins (4-7, 1-7) at 3:30 PM in Beaver Stadium on Saturday. Penn State’s playoff hopes are on the line on Senior Day. For Maryland, this will end one of their crappier seasons, but a win would surely lift their spirits going into the off-season. In the past, that win might be a reasonable possibility. However, this year, they are particularly hapless and impotent.

Maryland lost to PSU 51-15 last year at home in College Park. The Terps last won in that screwed-up 2020 Anthony Fauci season. Last week, they lost to Iowa 29-13. Iowa’s first team defense held Maryland scoreless in the first half. Sophomore replacement quarterback MJ Morris threw two interceptions in that game and the Terps produced only 98 yards on the ground. Senior NFL caliber receiver Tai Felton, who ranks fourth in the FBS in receiving yards, is a bright spot in the otherwise deficient Maryland offense. He had 6 receptions for 57 yards and two touchdowns. Felton’s usual battery mate is Billy Edwards, Jr., who is second in the Big Ten in passing. He suffered a thumb injury and is questionable for the Penn State game.

Thanks to Edwards and Felton, the Terps lead the Big Ten in passing offense, edging out USC and Oregon. But they are four from the bottom in rushing. Where they excel is in being penalized, where they are second only to UCLA. Defensively, while they might hope to impede Nick Singleton and Kaytron Allen, their pass defense is leaky, ranking 99th in the FBS.

Penn State will suffer with the loss of offensive linemen Anthony Donkoh and Alonzo Ford. It is this Turkey’s hope that they will balance the need to win this game with the potential for additional injuries. What good is getting into the playoffs if you’re crippled? Don’t answer that. Follow the money.

Da Wedda – What It Is Is COLD!

It’s going to be one cold mutha of a day, with a high of 30 and low of 21. No blizzard in the forecast, but gray skies could let loose a few flurries. The frozen ball will be heavy, but fortunately, dry. Hands will be cold, so look for some less than sure-handed pass receivers.

Da Bottom Line

First of all, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I will let you know after the game whether I survived this most perilous time for birds of my feather. And now, the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, that awful offal emanating from the cloaca of this foul old fowl.

Current betting line is PSU – 24.5 with an over/under of 50.5. Yeah, Maryland allows a lot of points. Let’s win this one in the first half and rest the starters. I’m going with Penn State 42, Maryland 13 and I’m taking the over.

I hope to see you back here in this space after the game with a recap of the season-ender.