Last night’s American Idol yielded few surprises. We knew that Adam Lambert would bring down the house. He did. We knew that Megan Joy would suck. She did. We knew that of the seven others in the remaining contestant pool, some would be mediocre good, some would be mediocre sucky, and some would be mediocre middlin’. ??????? ??? ????? They were.

Nevertheless, this Mouse wants to keep Megan around just for eye candy. I believe I’ve said that before. I’ll keep repeating the none too subliminal message in the hope that America will vote for her face and her ass, rather than her pipes. ??? ????? ?????

We’ll just quickly categorize the others here.

Mediocre good: Kris Allen, who sang “Ain’t No Sunshine.” It was original, not just another Bill Withers karaoke performance.

Mediocre sucky: Anoop Desai (“Usher”). Simon Cowell called it a “complete and utter mess.” Matt Giraud (“You Found Me”) and Lil Rounds (“I Surrender”) — the song choice sucked in both cases, and the renditions were not up to par for these two moderately talented individuals. Lil came out wearing her hair in the Japanese-Bahamian pageboy style of the 1960s and 1970s. For that egregious throwback, the Mouse will punish her severely.

Mediocre middlin’: Everybody else. Special shout-out to Allison Iraheta (“Don’t Speak”) who made a stupid song choice. But we like her rock voice and hope she sticks around to do some heavy Pat Benatar, Kim Carnes, Heart kinda stuff. Danny Gokey (“What Hurts the Most”) was not up to his usual par. ???? ?????? ??????? Scott MacIntyre (“Just the Way You Are”) raised the level of his past few weeks’ performances.

Bottom three prediction: Anoop, Megan, and Lil.

At whichever point Megan leaves, American Idol will become a gross waste of time for this Mouse. Absent something to look at, the only real surprise will be which songs Adam Lambert chooses on his way to this year’s relatively uncontested coronation.