The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Minus Two!

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No great loss on American Idol last week, as the ship’s cargo was lightened by two lightweight sailors who were just along for the ride. Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai bit the dust at the behest of the admiralty — better known as the collection of 14 year-olds who dominate the “voting public.” So, America voted and we lost some dead wood. Whoop-de-doo!

Any fool knows at this point that whoever goes up against Adam Lambert is going to lose, but the remaining four wannabes will hang in there as long as they can. With five left, we can take comfort in knowing that there are only four more weeks of this crap! How we will maintain interest is up to us as individuals. This Mouse, like a lot of humans, hangs in from week to week tolerating bad acts while waiting for Lambert to favor him with his latest surprise.

However, with the Stanley Cup Playoffs in progress and the Mouse’s favorite Penguins still in it, potential interference is afoot. When this occurs, we leave you in the astute hands of The Runnin’ Redhead for your play-by-play commentary. This week, the Antarctic birds are awaiting determination of their second-round opponent, so the Mouse is liable to be free.

I didn’t hear what the theme would be this week. Perhaps they’ll do the music of The Trashmen. All contestants will be required to do their own take on Surfin’ Bird as well as one other of The Trashmen’s obscure non-hits.

It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over

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That dumbass title truism is wishful thinking for the producers of American Idol this season, as to this Mouse, it is all over but the shouting. If Adam Lambert doesn’t win it all, then I’ve had my head straight up my ass for the past few months.

What’s there to talk about here anymore? We can rate or berate performances by the other six pretenders: Allison, Lil, Matt, Danny, Kris, and Anoop. They’ll slowly be eliminated until Adam faces off with either Allison or Danny in the final on May 20. The mediocrity of the wannabes will be clearly apparent and our attention will be easily diverted. Either Lil or Anoop will be eliminated this week. ????? ?????? ??? ???? The other will be eliminated next week. The “Judges’ Save” is still available. They’re going to have to use it one of these weeks to keep the show on track. ???? ???? I don’t think it will be used to save Anoop, but it might save Lil. Ah, what the hell. Who cares! In terms of my favorite trite, ridiculous, Popeyesque, vogue utterence, it is what it is.

I missed a week, so I’m a little out of it. That’s not a bad way to be with respect to this show. I mean, what are we doing this week? The contestants tackle the song stylings of Barney Frank? Almost, but not quite.

I’m told that their guest mentor this week is Quentin Tarantino. Yeah, that’s right, the gory movie guy. So, the singers will be doing the soundtrack from Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2? Cool!

Any way you slice it, this season of the foregone conclusion is steadily losing this Mouse’s interest. ???? ??????

Keep Megan!

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Last night’s American Idol yielded few surprises. We knew that Adam Lambert would bring down the house. He did. We knew that Megan Joy would suck. She did. We knew that of the seven others in the remaining contestant pool, some would be mediocre good, some would be mediocre sucky, and some would be mediocre middlin’. ??????? ??? ????? They were.

Nevertheless, this Mouse wants to keep Megan around just for eye candy. I believe I’ve said that before. I’ll keep repeating the none too subliminal message in the hope that America will vote for her face and her ass, rather than her pipes. ??? ????? ?????

We’ll just quickly categorize the others here.

Mediocre good: Kris Allen, who sang “Ain’t No Sunshine.” It was original, not just another Bill Withers karaoke performance.

Mediocre sucky: Anoop Desai (“Usher”). Simon Cowell called it a “complete and utter mess.” Matt Giraud (“You Found Me”) and Lil Rounds (“I Surrender”) — the song choice sucked in both cases, and the renditions were not up to par for these two moderately talented individuals. Lil came out wearing her hair in the Japanese-Bahamian pageboy style of the 1960s and 1970s. For that egregious throwback, the Mouse will punish her severely.

Mediocre middlin’: Everybody else. Special shout-out to Allison Iraheta (“Don’t Speak”) who made a stupid song choice. But we like her rock voice and hope she sticks around to do some heavy Pat Benatar, Kim Carnes, Heart kinda stuff. Danny Gokey (“What Hurts the Most”) was not up to his usual par. ???? ?????? ??????? Scott MacIntyre (“Just the Way You Are”) raised the level of his past few weeks’ performances.

Bottom three prediction: Anoop, Megan, and Lil.

At whichever point Megan leaves, American Idol will become a gross waste of time for this Mouse. Absent something to look at, the only real surprise will be which songs Adam Lambert chooses on his way to this year’s relatively uncontested coronation.