The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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The Mike Hall Bowl

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AKA Penn State Blue-White Game

Mike Hall
Mike Hall

The impression I got from watching BTN’s telecast of the Penn State spring Blue-White Game was that it was all about BTN and Mike Hall, one of its employees.  Fortunately, Matt McGloin was there to provide at least some Penn State relevance. But, for those of you who actually attended the game, you surely missed the wonder of Mike Hall’s stint as a trainee game official.

As far as I’m concerned, the whole thing was superfluous. Do we really care about announcers? Lest I offend their gigantic egos, let me state that it is not to see them that we watch these games. Furthermore, dwelling on their circus-like performances (in this case) annoys the hell out of me.

Perhaps BTN views the spring games as being less than serious and in need of an entertainment boost. I’d rather see the Country Music Awards than see a football game replete with distracting cut-aways to Mike Hall every ten minutes or so.

The Real Game

James Franklin changed the format such that a field goal kicking competition was held before the game and a punting competition was conducted at halftime. We didn’t get to see the former because the Ohio State spring game ran past the slotted time for our game to start, and I didn’t get to see the latter (if it was actually covered) because I was cooking steaks for the cave dwellers. I’m thinking BTN would have preferred to cover Mike Hall in the locker room getting his halftime official briefing, but I don’t know this for a fact.

Christian Hackenberg got a lot more reps at QB than one would have thought he should, because everyone was dying to see Trace McSorley, who was injured and couldn’t play. During the time Hack was in there, we couldn’t help but note once again that the offensive line was in need of a lot of work. Even playing behind mostly starters on the blue team, Hack was hurried on every passing down. (Some of us would say this is because our defensive starters are so great.) But srrsly, folks, you know it, I know it, and the whole damn stadium full of 68,000 happy springtime Nittany Lions fans knew it — the offensive line is gonna suck yet again this year. That’s one team component that won’t just get fixed overnight. Ain’t no free agents in college football — yet.

The kickers provided another source of amusement, notably Joey “Big Toe” Julius, a chunky kid with huge upper arms and thighs and an unorthodox kicking style. His kickoffs blasted through the end zone like rifle shots, and their trajectory was about as flat. In the competition, he managed to make one from 55 and just miss from 59 yards. To me, and maybe to a lot of my fellow old farts, he reminded me of Lou “The Toe” Groza.

Skill positions looked pretty good. I was too busy following Mike Hall to find out where DaeSean Hamilton was during the game, and I had to wonder about that. Lewis and Blacknall looked great. I think we’ll be in good shape with receivers this year. Scott and Lynch both look pretty good at RB.

The defense is pretty solid, as usual, and I think the secondary might actually be good this year. Those guys made some plays out there. This is one area that has been a problem for Penn State for a long time. I’m hoping that this group will turn that around.

We’ve had our brief dose of spring football. Now we go into hibernation until late August.

They’re a bunch of f***ers!

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Everybody in the sports world who watched Penn State head football coach Bill O’Brien’s comments on national TV after last season’s victory over Wisconsin knows exactly what he said: “They’re a bunch of flowers.” No, seriously, he said “f**kers”, but he later denied it, stating that he really said “fighters”. The controversy lingers on, but both O’Brien and his fellow coaches were able to find humor in the incident during this year’s Coaches’ Caravan.

First, to refresh your aural memory, here’s the O’Brien post-game interview.

Now, for the retrospective on this purported faux pas with hilarious comments by PSU wrestling coach Cael Sanderson and a “let’s clear something up” quasi-rebuttal by O’Brien, check out this video coverage of the Coaches’ Caravan by Pennlive.com.

Yeah, he said “f**kers” and even his mom knows it!

******

Many of you have wondered where the hell this turkey has been for the past month or so, inasmuch as my previously prolific postings have thinned out to a penurious puddle of previously posted poo-poo. And, hell, I didn’t even comment on the Blue-White game or the NFL Draft. Whazzzup wit dat?

I’ll get to that forthwith, but first, a couple of comments about both of those things I ignored.

The Blue-White game was, as always, a showcase for fans who are starved for football, but, of course, it is essentially meaningless entertainment. Did it clarify the quarterback shuffle? No. After the game, Steven Bench had a talk with Coach O’Brien and, feeling slighted when BoB told him straight that he would play a backup role, declared his intent to bolt. Mississippi State and USF were said to be possible transfer targets for him. F**ker! Meanwhile, Christian Hackenberg and Tyler Ferguson seem to be the contenders for the job. Couple of f**kers!

O’Brien treats his f**kers like men, like NFL players. In the words of the late Howard Cosell, he tells it like it is. If they don’t like what they hear, too bad. F**kers!

One conclusion I drew from the game (and I haven’t even read anyone else’s coverage of it to determine whether anyone agrees with me) is that Jesse James is the guy the damn offense will hinge upon. I wasn’t terribly impressed with any aspect of the ground game, and you know how O’Brien likes those tight ends! F**kers!  (Yeah, I know. I’m always a day late and a dollar short.)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. That oft-abused Sergio Leone spaghetti western title comes to mind, so like any other putrid hack journalist, I’ll give it a go. Doesn’t really work here. Nothing really bad happened during the annual spring scrimmage, but there sure as hell was something ugly! Y’know, even high school girls can routinely make extra points. Sam Ficken had the ugliest bunch of kicks since the Follies Bergère parody at the Happy Days Rest Home.  Whazzzup wit dat? It reminded me of his start last season, only worse. Having been pressed into service as the top kicker due to Anthony Fera’s departure, he got some leeway, and he improved greatly as the season wore on. However, his gains in accuracy and all-around kicking ability seem to have mysteriously departed during the long, cold winter. Critics were quickly silenced last year due to the situation Penn State was in. This year there won’t be any honeymoon. Those skills, such as they are, better return!  F**ker!

And now, the Draft. Defensive tackle Jordan Hill was our top draftee, going to Seattle in the third round. Linebacker Gerald Hodges also went in the third round, to Minnesota. Mike Mauti was disappointingly (for some) selected in the seventh round, also by Minnesota. Cornerback Stephon Morris and center Matt Stankiewitch were eligible, but were not drafted. In this turkey’s opinion, Mauti has the greatest upside potential but he also is a huge risk for any NFL team. He is a tremendous emotional leader, has a fine collection of skills, impressed the hell out of people with his pre-draft performance in spite of his injury, and he is an NFL legacy. NFL scouts were not particularly impressed with his east-west pursuit skills, but he’s still NFL material if — and it’s a big if — his oft-injured knee can return to full functionality and stay healthy. But he’s sure a f**ker!

Speaking of health issues, we’re back to the turkey. I’ve had a bit of neuritis that hasn’t seriously debilitated me physically, but it has thrown my writing schedule off-kilter. (What the hell is a kilter, anyway? Can one get back on-kilter?) It’s really hard to write when I’m pissed off at my body for letting me down. However, the show must go on. This nerve ailment is a long-term thing, and it is my hope that I’ll outlast it. In the meanwhile, I recognize that it ain’t all about me! By wallowing in the mire of self-pity, I’m not doing myself or anyone else any good. Besides, writing has always been therapeutic for me. I could indeed write in a vacuum, but I am blessed to have a small collection of stalwart readers out there who put up with my autistic rambling. That not only makes me happy, but also it keeps me going when the going gets rough. And you know how I love to hate sportswriter clichés!

So, here I am. Don’t know when I’ll write next, but I just wanted to let you all know — or by this time, let you both know — that I haven’t gone away. Here’s hoping that I can get my ass into high gear before the season starts, you bunch of f**kers!