What did you think of that game, eh? That first Penn State drive was a hopeful thing, give or take a time out or three. Lawdie, lawdie, Mike’s Garage was replete with unbridled optimism along with a modicum of bemusement over the clock management or lack of same. The much maligned Nittany Lions, from whom nothing much was expected in this matchup, were marching down the field against the vaunted Crimson Tide defense.

“Do you want to revise your forecast now?” asked Jackstand and zbeard, almost in unison. When I told them I was sticking to my guns, they both looked at me like I was crazy. Jackstand is too new a Nittany Lions fan to know how recent history paints an unkind picture of non-performance in big games. Meanwhile, zbeard is a crusty old fan like me, but with a vastly differing outlook at the start of each season. Zbeard is a perennial optimist who expects big things from the Nits until they prove they’re unworthy; on the other hand, I maintain an annual fecal impaction of the optic nerve — you don’t have to be Dr. Todd Sponsler, ophthalmic proprietor of The Lion’s Den, to deduce that the aforementioned condition translates to a shitty outlook — in that I want to see something from the team before declaring that they have even a chance at a distinguished winning record. (And if you’re a fan of the Nittany Lions as well as long sentences, you’re in the right place. After all, why use a sentence when a paragraph will do? But I digress.) So, no. I wouldn’t change my forecast, which you should know was Alabama 35, Penn State 10.

As I am always running late with my post-game recaps, by this time you are well aware that the #3 Crimson Tide (2-0) defeated the #23 Lions (1-1) 27-11. I should have given the Penn State defense more credit. They even looked competent at times out there. I obviously thought Alabama would put more points on the board, so with the over/under at 42, I told you to take the over. Mah bad! But if you took Alabama and gave 10 points, you would have nailed it.

The Penn State defense really did keep the meanies from giving us a good, old fashioned, behind the woodshed lickin’. I have to give some credit to the D-boys before I light into the offense and the coaches. Holding Alabama to under 30 points might sound like a consolation prize to be stuffed into a dusty closet, but it seems to me as if this defense might actually be competent.

‘Bama QB AJ McCarron probably won their version of the two-headed quarterback competition with a 19-31, 163 yard performance with one touchdown and no interceptions. Alabama head football coach Nick Saban had the sense to play just McCarron in this game, which turned out to be a wise move, unlike whatever the hell is happening at Penn State with the offensive brain trust. Phillip Sims appears to be the odd man out in this quarterback battle, and pretty clearly so.

For some ungodly reason, PSU head coach Joe Paterno has stubbornly clung to his stance that the quarterback competition (aka controversy) is not over at Penn State despite this Turkey’s exhortations to shit or get off the pot. Oh yeah, a few others besides me have been on his case about picking a quarterback and moving forward. In spite of all the flack he has been getting (or maybe to show that he’s still the same stubborn old Joe), he split the quarterbacking chores for the Alabama game — to the detriment of the offense — and maintained afterward that the competition between quarterbacks Rob Bolden and Matt McGloin is not over. Good old stubborn Joe.

As it turns out, Bolden has won the competition in everyone’s mind but Joe’s. We fans know best, as you well know. But look at the stats for Saturday: Bolden, 11-29 for 144 yards with no touchdowns and one interception; McGloin, 1-10 for no net yards and nothing else. McGloin never got into a rhythm, while Bolden had his rhythm interrupted like a Catholic couple trying to get pregnant. The gods were not kind to Bolden, either, as at least four catchable balls were dropped by Penn State receivers. Furthermore, each time the brain trust made a quarterback change, the linemen had to get used to new snap vocals, the receivers had to get used to different ball feel and timing, and running backs have to be aware of the myriad little differences brought by a change in quarterbacks. A different personality changes the atmosphere in the huddle, too. With one quarterback for the game, Alabama was out on a smooth cruise down a wide boulevard, whereas Penn State’s quarterback switching shenanigans put it  in stop-and-go traffic on a choked freeway.

Penn State averaged 3.6 yards rushing for a game total of 107 yards — not what we expect of a Penn State offense. I did tell you that Silas Redd was not going to have anything like the productive game he played against Indiana State and — Duh! — I was right. Although he looked great on that first drive, he wound up with only 65 yards on 22 carries, for a measly 3.0 yard average, with a long run of only eight yards. He did score a touchdown, though, but that occurred with 1:53 left in the game and meant only some infinitesimally reduced embarrassment for the Nittany Lions.

Showing his versatility, Bolden capped off that Redd touchdown with a two-point conversion he ran in himself.

The only other Penn State score of the game was an Evan Lewis 43 yard field goal with 7:26 left in the first quarter, after the Nittany Lions stalled at the 26 yard-line during that masterful opening drive to which I heretofore alluded. What happened there? Why did they start looking so good and then broke down in the almost red zone yet, which is a famous Nittany trick? Well, as usual, the play calling became very conservative. Very conservative. Foolishly so. They had squandered three time outs due to poor communications during the drive. (More on that bullshit later.) Perhaps they thought that calling anything more complex than a fullback dive would result in a delay of game penalty as players scratched their heads while Bolden reviewed their responsibilities in the huddle. Who knows? After a brilliant fourth down conversion to the Alabama 29, Brandon Beachum ran for two yards and Silas Redd for one yard to bring up third and seven at the Alabama 26. Bolden tried to convert on third down but Justin Brown dropped the ball, another thing that has plagued the Lions at this early juncture. In any case — heaven be praised — the field goal was good from 43.

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