Rosie O’Donnell, a formerly funny comedian, who a while ago took over for Meredith Viera on ABC’s daytime soft-news/interview show The View, has been using that forum to spout off her irrational anti-Administration diatribe. Rosie’s mind is obviously defective, but her big mouth has been effective in overshadowing her softer-spoken colleagues on the show, particularly Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who appears to possess a superior intellect. (She’s also totally hot, or maybe it’s just that she’s improbably blonde and smart—whatever.) Disney/ABC should have canned Rosie long ago for her wacko crap, but apparently, they don’t mind a little notariety. Well, maybe they will, now that Rosie has indicted them as one of the four “big corporations that control the media in this country”—this, when she told her audience to go outside the U.S. for news about our country.

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OK, so I was bored and decided to create the odds for the 2008 presidential race. Yeah, I know, not all of these people have declared their candicacy and there’s the omnipresent possibility that a Draft Howard Stern movement will gain momentum. On the other hand, I thought I would throw these people’s names up in the air and see where they landed. Consider this the opinion of one Turkey, and feel free to disagree with any of my implications.

Democrats
Odds	Candidate	Comments
4-5	Hillary Clinton	Wins easily unless pulls up lame (no pun intended).
3-1	Barak Obama	Early speed; doubtful if can go the distance.
8-1	John Edwards	Did well as stable entry in 2004.
10-1	Al Gore	Should be running at Hollywood Park.
15-1	Joe Biden	A legend in his own mind.
20-1	Christopher Dodd	Not enough leg to gain ground on the lead mare.
30-1	Dennis Kucinich	Neighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Needs to be reined in.
75-1	Wesley Clark	Can bother lead runners.
99-1	Mike Gravel	Too long in the tooth. Too bad.
99-1	Bill Richardson	Spanish stallion might surprise with Hispanic vote on his side.
99-1	Al Sharpton	No chance for nomination, but would offer comic relief in dull debates.

 

Republicans
Odds	Candidate	Comments
5-2	Rudy Giuliani	Early front-runner.Can rabbit Rudy persevere?
3-1	Mitt Romney	Can hold his own in this company.
5-1	John McCain	Has spent years trying to break into this circuit but always gives ground.
15-1	Newt Gingrich	Will missteps hurt his chances?
20-1	Fred Thompson	Recognizable name and face. Sam Waterston for VP?
30-1	George Pataki	Big and tough. Might surprise.
50-1	Tommy Thompson	Former governor and minor cabinet member always has a shot.
50-1	Mike Huckabee	A former Arkansas governor for president? Are you kidding?
50-1	Chuck Hagel	Could split from pack.
75-1	Tom Tancredo	Favorite of old-line railbirds.
99-1	Sam Brownback	Will peter out early.
99-1	John Cox	Fair Tax man has lots of money, but no legs.
99-1	Jim Gilmore	No chance.
99-1	Duncan Hunter	Anti-illegal immigration activist can’t run with this crowd.
99-1	Ron Paul	Would run well on Libertarian track. Not in this company.
99-1	Fred Phelps	Republican answer to Al Sharpton. Also ran.
99-1	Michael Savage	If this horse’s ass wins this race, I’ll kiss that ass in Macy’s window.