Who the hell dreamed up this latest food travesty? Osama bin Laden? I just saw the associated Domino’s commercial for the first time during an NFL game and I’m suitably disgusted. At first, I thought it was a damn spoof or something.

The damn thing looks like a small pizza with Oreo cookies crumbled on top and drizzled with an ominous looking, Elmer’s Glue-like white fluid. (I’m praying that this is confectioner’s sugar and water instead of what it looks like.) It is supposedly delivered warm.

From an August 29 Domino’s press release:

"We are thrilled to partner with a great brand like OREO-one that our
customers loved as kids and still love today," said Ken Calwell, chief
marketing officer, Domino's Pizza. "This is a great opportunity to combine
the power of Domino's Pizza and one of America's favorite cookies to
deliver a unique, fun and delicious new dessert for our customers!"

The commercial is just plain disgusting. After eating this garbage, a guy and a kid, presumably a father and son, get chocolate crumbs and shit on their faces in the shape of a pencil-line mustache (the kid) and a Van Dyke beard (the guy). The kid laments that he cannot achieve the fullness of the adult’s crap-beard. The shit-faced father offers words of encouragement, intimating that someday the kid will be able to get food all over his fucking face, just like Dad. So now, to add insult to injury, this commercial encourages slob-ass, piggish table manners while pushing its insidious poison at us.

Is it any wonder we’re turning into a nation of fat fucks if people actually order crap like this? Who the hell could stomach it, anyway? Kids, I imagine. We sure as hell are not training them well. Parents, do not—I repeat—do not accede to your kids’ wishes when they tell you they want this abomination. It is no doubt an Al Qaeda plot to render our population fat, sodden, and defenseless.