The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Another Off-Field Incident?

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The Daily Collegian reports that police visited Nittany Apartments #5204 to investigate “an incident.” This apartment is the home three Penn State players: defensive end Maurice Evans, defensive tackle Abe Koroma, and cornerback A. J. Wallace. The language of the report was vague, as apparently police have not yet released any information about what in particular was being investigated.

This has an ominous ring to it. ??????? First of all, at least four police vehicles were involved, including a “special response vehicle.” Does that seem like a bit of overreaction, unless they’re dealing with something major? casino arab Furthermore, if it was merely underage drinking or some similar minor offense, the police wouldn’t be playing things so close to the vest. ??? ???? ??????? ??? ?????

This Turkey does not want to go all National Enquirer on you, but another incident was coincidentally reported yesterday: an 18 year-old Park Forest girl claims that she was raped on August 23 by two known people. Let us hope that there is no connection.

Needless to say, with three defensive starters involved, Nittany Lions fans hope this will blow over.

Morelli Cut by Cardinals

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Saturday was cut-down day in the NFL, and unfortunately, this Turkey must report that fleeting Arizona Cardinal quarterback Anthony Morelli inevitably succumbed to the final roster pare-down to 53 players. The former Penn State bust has probably seen the last of the NFL, but ya nevah know! For those of you who would like to follow Morelli’s descent into obscurity, visit his web site. Sadly, he still lists himself as a Cardinal.

Just in case you want one more taste of what we lost when Morelli graduated, view the pre-season play that might have cemented his ultimate fate in (or out of) the NFL. Here is a video of what might be Morelli’s final overthrown 89-yard pick-six, the Denver Broncos being the beneficiaries. He might have been able to save the TD (and possibly his ass) if he could have managed to tackle the defensive back who intercepted his errant pass, but nooooooooooooooo…

Welcome Chandeliers!

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The opening game of the 2008 season will be played at Beaver Stadium on Saturday, as the Nittany Lions face the Coastal Carolina Chandeliers.

That’s a weird mascot—what do they do, hang it from the goal post crossbar? At least it lights up.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…it’s Chanticleers! Sorry. This old Turkey is dyslexic. OK, so what the hell is a chanticleer?

I didn’t know, so I went to that infallible source of Internet misinformation, Wikipedia. ??? ????? This is what I learned:

Chanticleer [is] a rooster appearing in fables surrounding the fables of Reynard the Fox. The most famous of these is probably Chanticleer and the Fox, a version of which is told in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.

Chanticleer
Chanticleer

I should brush up on my Middle English and read Chaucer. Geoff was quite a football fan in his day.

Chanticleer was also a character played by the forgettable Glen Campbell in a regrettable musical animated movie called Rock-A-Doodle. Apparently, it was about roosters.

I went on to read that the Chanticleer is also the mascot of Ord High School in Ord, Nebraska. ???? ??? ???? Clearly, both Ord High and Coastal Carolina wanted a unique mascot. ???? ?????? ??? Enough, already about the weirdly named rooster mascot. Suffice to say that this Turkey appreciates Penn State hosting another foul fowl.

And now, on to the actual business at hand.

I don’t really have much to say about the game itself because it is such a mismatch. Coastal is a middle-of-the-pack Division I-AA (I still call it that to avoid confusion, as that’s what most of you still call it) team playing in the Big South, which I had heretofore never heard of. Penn State is—well, Penn State. So, what I’ll do is give you some little known facts about Coastal Carolina, courtesy of their web site.

  • Current Coastal Carolina Athletic Director Warren “Moose” Koegel played offensive line for the Nittany Lions, where he was co-captain of the Nittany Lions his senior season, was a Third Team All-American as a senior and played on two Orange Bowl champion teams.
  • Senior quarterback William Richardson is the younger brother of former Penn State quarterback Wally Richardson (1992, 1994-96). Wally is now the Associate Director of Athletic Academic Services at the University of Georgia. (I wonder if William can throw the moon ball like Wally did.)
  • In its brief history of 56 games, the Chanticleers have yet to be shutout on the scoreboard, the longest current streak in the Big South Conference. In fact, Coastal Carolina’s lowest single game point total was in 2005 at Appalachian State, with just a lone field goal. (This streak might end. Soon.)
  • Sept. 2, 2006 marked the first game with the new seating capacity of Coastal Carolina University’s Brooks Stadium. The school added 914 seats to the facility to bring seating capacity up to 7,322 for the 2006 season. Now Coastal Carolina has completed ground work in preparation for full construction to start right after Christmas on the new Adkins Fieldhouse. (Hmmm…Beaver Stadium 15 times as many people. Hmmm…which leads to the next point…)
  • Today’s capacity at Beaver Stadium (107,282) is more than all of the attendance combined at all 11 games on Coastal Carolina’s 2007 schedule (93,231). As a matter of fact, the largest crowd that the Chanticleers have played in front of was at eventual national champion Appalachian State, when a then Kidd Brewer Stadium record 23,267 watched the Mountaineers get a 30-3 win.

And now, what you’ve all been waiting for: the first Official Turkey Poop Prediction of the fledgeling season. Yes, folks, it’s that time. This Turkey has no doubts as to the outcome of this game. Although the crystal ball was broken in a Turkey rage sometime around the third quarter of last season’s Michigan State game, it is still functional enough to predict this result. This is about as sure a thing as the last babe in the bar on a Friday night. I looked for a betting line and couldn’t find one. There won’t be one. Last year, the Nittany Lions played FIU on opening day and won 59-0. The result of this one is likely to be similar.

We’ll be back after the game with commentary by our guest reporter, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007, Caitlin Upton.