Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Tonight, Dolly Parton is the guest singer on American Idol. I just can’t wait to hear Syesha singing country glitz, but Kristy Lee and Brooke should be right in their element. More interesting will be how David Cook manages to transform country to rock. This will be a week that rewards careful song selection and performing versatility, man.
Yet one more time, I don’t see Kristy going down this week. And you can take dat to da bank!
On American Idol Tuesday night, the seventeen year-old who looks all of thirteen, David Archuleta, stole the show. He will have no problems advancing to the next round. Hell, even in a bad week he probably gets more votes than anyone else because he is king with the age 9-17 demographic. Carly Smithson, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado, and David Cook also turned in credible performances, not necessarily in that order.
Who were the duds? Well, I’ve mentioned six names, so there were five significantly subpar acts, from this Turkey’s standpoint. This is elimination day, so we’ll dwell on the negative for a bit. Kristy Lee Cook will be the goodbye girl this week. I said it last week and I am not giving up. Unlike Sanjaya last year, whom I kept eliminating week after week until the sense and reason of the voting public finally caught up with me, Kristy cannot possibly have a huge base of committed voters spurred on by Howard Stern. In fact, anyone with any sense of what comprises “star quality” would jump off Kristy’s sinking ship at this point no matter where they wore their socks. Yeah, only old farts like this Turkey, who wouldn’t mind seeing Kristy’s statuesque blondness hang around another few weeks would vote for her at this point. I really did like her sassiness telling Simon that she could knock his socks off any day and he knew it. Alas, I do not believe that she’ll be around another week to do any socks-knocking.
Brooke White better watch her ass, too. She looked silly in a bright yellow 1960’s go-go shift as she sang “Here Comes the Sun.” Simon was all too happy to point out that he could have predicted when he heard her song selection that she would come out in a yellow dress with yellow lighting. Sarcastic, but it hit the mark.
Chikezie, after being last week’s star, took a big chance and blew it this week. Admitting that he hadn’t ever picked up a harmonica until this week, he incorporated it into his performance. He’s getting a bit formulaic, starting slowly, changing gears, and then energizing his act. In this case, he threw in a harmonica solo just before the gear change when he should have backed off on the gas and double-clutched.
Michael Johns tried to take a big, long song in “A Day in the Life” and condense it to the requisite one-and-a-half minutes. It was a failure. He’s personable, he can sing, and he’s got a lot of fans, but he has to choose his material better. In this case, he said it was a departed friend’s favorite song.
Finally, Amanda Overmyer didn’t choose the right song, either, in “Back in the U.S.S.R.” She was one of my favorites for a while, but there is an inevitable sameness about everything she does now.
So, here’s to you, Kristy Lee Cook…I’ll miss those legs.
P.S.
On the judging front, Paula seemed actually lucid for the second time in a row. Simon was his usual acerbic self, but it was pretty much an off night. Fortunately, there was not very much fight picking between Seacrest and Cowell.
Chikezie and Carly Smithson nailed their Lennon-McCartney performances Tuesday night on American Idol. I’m psyched about Chikezie—when he’s good, he’s damn good. Carly gave me reasons to like her and look beyond her frown lines and body ink. The two of them will bounce solidly into next week.
Brooke White and David Cook also turned in good efforts. They’re safe for another week.
Amanda Overmayr is in a class by herself. You either like her or hate her. I happen to like her, but she’s got to shitcan the Janis jive. Yay yay yay… baby baby baby…
The rest of the performances were pedestrian or worse. Syesha‘s pretty smile might not be enough to outweigh a forgettable leadoff number. She should go, but will stick around for one more week unless she really nails next week. Cute little Ramiele also jeopardized her future with a slacker song selection she couldn’t rescue. David Hernandez displayed his limitations. He won’t be around much longer.
Even David Archuleta showed his vulnerability this week. He’ll coast through because of the forgiving nature of his followers, the 11 year-old contingent.
That brings us to this week’s elimination prediction. I predict that tall, blond Kristy Lee Cook will be voted off the island. She tried to “countrify” Eight Days a Week and failed miserably. Everything about it sucked and appropriately, Simon Cowell called it a “complete mess.”
Simon had asked Ms. Cook to take some risks and show her country roots, but he clearly didn’t like her at all this week, prompting a nasty exchange between Cowell and Seacrest. Their complex relationship has gone from entertaining to tedious and predictable. Speaking of annoyingly predictable, Paula’s gushing over contestants while attempting to mitigate bad performances would be easier to take if she didn’t prattle on ad nauseam and if Simon didn’t add insult to injury by continually mocking her. However, she was much less obnoxiously obsequious this week than at any time in recent memory. Still, Cowell scowled. The judges are children: Fat Albert, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and Eddie Haskell.
