Here’s Ernest Borgnine (age 91) voicing his secret about how to live forever.
David Cook…by a Knockout!
The American public voted. For a change, they seemed to THINK before they did, unexpectedly crowning David Cook as the newest American Idol. The little pipsqueak, David Archuleta, seemed befuddled and crushed, as just about all the pundits, including this Turkey, had predicted a pipsqueak victory. Justice is thus properly served and the better performer did, in fact, win.
I don’t know who looked the more surprised, Archuleta or Cook.
The Ãœberhypefest was typical of Idol finales, with lots of performances by the finalists, by former Idols, and by guest stars. There were lots of commercials and promos for Fox TV shows and motion pictures. Headliners were the Joshua Brothers, ZZ Top, Carrie Underwood, Donna Summer, Graham Nash, a couple of duds, and the biggest dud of them all, George Michael, who is not aging well, to say the least. Besides, he could never sing. Nevertheless, he occupied the featured surprise guest slot. The much ballyhooed appearance by tweenzy sensation Miley Cyrus never materialize, being the product of yet another stupid Internet rumor that infected the blogosphere yesterday.
Michael’s was a weird guest selection if the Idol producers were trying to cater to their prime audience. An 80s has-been ain’t gonna get them many young viewers. My best guess is that it was a cheapo deal, with Michael wanting to promote his tour or whatever.
The vote wasn’t even close. Cook’s margin was 12 million votes. The percentages were 56% to 44%, out of a total of 97.5 million votes. The dialing programs must have been burning up the CPU cycles.
Simon Cowell must have felt like crap about declaring Archuleta the winner on Tuesday night. He apologized to the contestants before the vast audience for his hasty judgment. To paraphrase Simon’s words on Tuesday, which were then directed at David Archuleta, we witnessed a knockout alright, but Simon had the wrong boxer hitting the canvas. It was Cook who scored the knockout.
There’s not much more to say except congratulations to David Cook and consolations to David Archuleta. Perhaps the latter can go back to school and be a doctor or something.
Until next year, peace out!
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Idol’s Last Stand
Tonight, they have to get it all in, squeezing the last dollar out of each of their sponsors while somehow making us think we’re being entertained by two hours of commercials punctuated by the occasional live performance and finally, an announcement of the winning wannabe at 10:02 (just to piss off the DVR folks). Then, mercifully, we’ll be done until January 2009.
The entertainment charade will involve the Jonas Brothers and Carrie Underwood (thankfully not Miley Cyrus, as I originally reported—my bad for picking up on a blogosphere rumor), along with cameos by Idols past and plenty of forgettable banter by Seacrest and the judges. We’ll probably see a performance by the aggregated top eight Idol contestants, as a preview and promo for their forthcoming Idol Tour. Perhaps there will be a sprinkling of out-takes and funny auditions. There will be “surprises.” But mostly there will be commercials.
Archuleta and Cook will be placed on public display like zoo animals and will occasionally asked, in so many words, just how brown their shorts are. The sadistic rite of making them wait to find out will be played out as painfully as it has been for each of the past six seasons. When, in the waning buy ativan 2mg online seconds of the show, the idol of the universe is announced, there’ll be just enough time to say goodbye.
Most people expect David Archuleta to be this year’s American Idol but anything can happen, as we’ve seen in prior years. I have never, ever been able to rationalize Taylor Hicks’ win over Katharine McPhee and it seemed that Bo Bice had a strong lead over Carrie Underwood, yet Carrie won. But that was then and this is now. Last year, we all knew that Jordin Sparks would triumph over Blake Lewis. (Seriously, can you remember anything that either of them sang?) This year, we all sorta know that David Archuleta will wind up on top.
If David Cook somehow pulls out the win, justice will be served. Anyway you slice it, Cook will have greater potential as a recording artist than PeeWee. It doesn’t matter anymore who wins and who doesn’t. They’re all winners at this level. Doors will open for them now.
