The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Hibernation and Stuff

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Droughts and stuff

Those of you who know me well enough to have visited this blog over the years are aware that the post-football withdrawal period is marked by a severe writing drought for several months. The purpose of this post is to let you all know that I am still alive and still very interested in Penn State football as we approach the dog days of summer in Central Florida.

In my pre-retirement days, I seemed to find time for everything. Now, having been retired for five years, I have too many damn hobbies, volunteer opportunities, and other complexities not known to those who lead the structured life of the working world. I’m in a constant balancing act around here. Do I work on the kayak? Do I play with ham radio, which reqires almost no efforts to procure from places like sixofthebest.co/best-handheld-ham-radio-2019/? Do I go to the gun range? Do I fund raise for the American Heart Association? Do I fix crap in the house? Or do I lay on my ass and watch TV. Big prioritizing decisions abound.

I find other ways to waste time, such as buying more “stuff” so I have to deal with installing and maintaining it. More “stuff” means more time committed to “stuff” issues in general. If I buy new “stuff” to replace existing “stuff”, what do I do with the existing “stuff”? Sometimes it gets auctioned on eBay. Sometimes I stuff the “stuff” in a closet so I don’t have to clutter my mind thinking about its disposal. ???? ????? Sometimes a friend will be the unwitting benefactor of my laziness when I give them free, almost new “stuff”.

Back to sports stuff (for a while)

But I digress. Life in the Turkey sports world is pretty good. The Pirates are closing in on the Cubs, who started out with a bang but who we all know will fold as usual after the All-Star break. (Hell, they’ve already started their characteristic free-fall, having lost nine of their last ten games). ???? ????? The Penguins won the Stanley Cup, bringing great joy to the Turkey Coop. The Steelers appear poised for a good season if they can make the deal with LeVeon Bell. I don’t give a shit about the NBA, so you can stuff your Cavaliers, and soccer, oy vey! — that which they call “football” in Europe and South America suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks! It ain’t an American sport. The Turkey ain’t interested.

Given all the displacement of proper thought patterns inherent in the foregoing, now must be the right time to be thinking about the Nittany Lions forthcoming 2016 season.

Hey, we also need to deal with side issues, such as how Hack will do with the Jets, and whether the lettermen will actually convince the PSU administration to restore the Paterno statue, assuming that PSU hasn’t sold it for scrap. And then, there’s the retooled offense, not to mention the offensive line that has nowhere to go but up. Will the Nittany Lions actually be competitive or will they disappoint us again? All I ask is for a good effort on the field, no pouting, and maybe a few more third-down conversions than have been the norm for the past three years.

I’ve only started thinking about all that, as I’m still trying to deal with the allocation of the time I’ll devote to PSU football blogging among my myriad non-productive activities. I’ll squeeze it in. I’ve been writing this drivel for 12 years now in blog form, and an additional 12 before that as a weekly email. It’s a part of me now, and it won’t be displaced by “stuff”.

We are… stuff!

Verily, my “stuff” runneth over, in this case synergistically with respect to the blog. I just bought a new keyboard and I wanted to let you know that I intend to use it sooner than later. The old keyboard began getting balky after having been subjected to the copious bullshit I wrote with it over its five-year life. It is now exhilarating to enjoy the crisp feel of wonderfully responsive Cherry MX Brown mechanical key switches responding accurately to my masterful keystrokes on this beautiful new DasKeyboard. To quote that slimy ShamWow TV pitchman, “It’s from Germany and you know they make great ‘stuff’!” However, the jury is still out on whether this fancy new keyboard will produce higher quality bullshit than the old Logitech. ????? ?????? ?????

Now I’m done rambling and I must get back to my “stuff”. I hope you are all having a great summer and are looking forward to the 2016 Lions. I’ll be back soon with some basically incorrect, albeit assailable, thoughts about the season ahead. I’ll give you a preview right now: it ain’t gonna be a 13-0 season with a championship trophy at the end of it! Anyone want to take the other side of that bet?

Heart Walk Time

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Hey, loyal readers! It’s that time of year again, time for the American Heart Association 2015 Greater Orlando Heart Walk.

I know that you’ll want to reach down deep into your pockets and make a donation. I’ll make it easy for you. Just click here and you’ll be whisked away to my page for the 2015 event where you’ll find event information, AHA information, and a donation button. Alternatively, click on the thermometer graphic on the Nittany Turkey home page.

Thanks very much for your time and donations.

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

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My battle with the IRS is over!

Three and a half years after my mom died, and having endured interminable machinations with the incompetent, diffuse, and impenetrable bureaucracy of the IRS including threats of seizure of property, we finally have closed the lingering case of her final tax return. What started as an identity theft caper later became a comedy of errors only the IRS could generate, replete with phone conversations with various agents in various cities, some hostile and some modestly helpful, three page letters, several kilograms of documentation sent via fax and mail, dozens of computerized notices telling us how much we owed, and a barely English-speaking representative from the Taxpayer Advocate’s office who was not very well versed in the tax code, but who at least served as a pleasant albeit clueless buffer between me and the IRS bureaucracy. [Read more…]