The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Da Kid is Back

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On American Idol Tuesday night, the seventeen year-old who looks all of thirteen, David Archuleta, stole the show. He will have no problems advancing to the next round. Hell, even in a bad week he probably gets more votes than anyone else because he is king with the age 9-17 demographic. Carly Smithson, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado, and David Cook also turned in credible performances, not necessarily in that order.

Who were the duds? Well, I’ve mentioned six names, so there were five significantly subpar acts, from this Turkey’s standpoint. This is elimination day, so we’ll dwell on the negative for a bit. Kristy Lee Cook will be the goodbye girl this week. I said it last week and I am not giving up. Unlike Sanjaya last year, whom I kept eliminating week after week until the sense and reason of the voting public finally caught up with me, Kristy cannot possibly have a huge base of committed voters spurred on by Howard Stern. In fact, anyone with any sense of what comprises “star quality” would jump off Kristy’s sinking ship at this point no matter where they wore their socks. Yeah, only old farts like this Turkey, who wouldn’t mind seeing Kristy’s statuesque blondness hang around another few weeks would vote for her at this point. I really did like her sassiness telling Simon that she could knock his socks off any day and he knew it. Alas, I do not believe that she’ll be around another week to do any socks-knocking.

Brooke White better watch her ass, too. She looked silly in a bright yellow 1960’s go-go shift as she sang “Here Comes the Sun.” Simon was all too happy to point out that he could have predicted when he heard her song selection that she would come out in a yellow dress with yellow lighting. Sarcastic, but it hit the mark.

Chikezie, after being last week’s star, took a big chance and blew it this week. Admitting that he hadn’t ever picked up a harmonica until this week, he incorporated it into his performance. He’s getting a bit formulaic, starting slowly, changing gears, and then energizing his act. In this case, he threw in a harmonica solo just before the gear change when he should have backed off on the gas and double-clutched.

Michael Johns tried to take a big, long song in “A Day in the Life” and condense it to the requisite one-and-a-half minutes. It was a failure. He’s personable, he can sing, and he’s got a lot of fans, but he has to choose his material better. In this case, he said it was a departed friend’s favorite song.

Finally, Amanda Overmyer didn’t choose the right song, either, in “Back in the U.S.S.R.” She was one of my favorites for a while, but there is an inevitable sameness about everything she does now.

So, here’s to you, Kristy Lee Cook…I’ll miss those legs.

P.S.

On the judging front, Paula seemed actually lucid for the second time in a row. Simon was his usual acerbic self, but it was pretty much an off night. Fortunately, there was not very much fight picking between Seacrest and Cowell.

So Long, Stripper!

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Against the ludicrous backdrop of American Idol’s last year’s scourge, Sanjaya Malakar, coming back to sit in the audience like a bad penny (or a latter-day William Hung), along with a sleazily contrived movie promo that featured Jim Carrey dressed like an elephant popping up at every turn, we watched the first round of eliminations last week, in which the Top 12 were pared down to 11. Erstwhile male stripper David Hernandez was the first finalist to go byebye.

In this Turkey’s opinion, Hernandez’ performance was superior to those of Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado, but perhaps that opinion reflects the Turkey’s legendary male Chauvinism. In any case, while it is possible that the nefarious information about Hernandez stripping for pay in front of a male audience cost him some votes, his overblown performance last Tuesday surely did not improve his chances with the voting public.

The results show featured a weird performance by last year’s beatboxer, Blake Lewis. Perhaps I just don’t like that kind of novelty crap. However, former Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee also was featured along with David Foster, and McPhee’s legs and butt are better than ever. I approve of the selection of a silver sequined, mid-thigh bottomed sheath for her outfit. It showed off all her star attributes, with which she should have beaten flash-in-the-pan Taylor Hicks that night a couple of years ago. Something must have been in the water when America voted.

This week we once again will be viewing performances from the Lennon-McCartney songbook. In other words, the producers paid dearly for the rights to use it and they’ll damn well milk it for all they can. C’mon folks, ask for yet one more week—Paul needs the money, given that the divorce buy ambien zolpidem settlement totaled about $44 million.

I am hoping for a strong performance tonight by Ramiele Malubay (who says she’s from Miramar, Florida, but the Orlando Sentinel has claimed her as our own). Ramiele has a big voice for a little girl, but she has slipped in recent weeks from looking at one point as if she could win it all. Self-confidence might be an issue with her. From the guys, I was really energized by Chikezie’s imaginatively produced and delivered number last week, and hope for more of the same this week. I am further hoping for a nice, revealing, form fitting outfit for this Turkey’s favorite blond equestrian eye candy, Kristy Lee Cook, as this could well be her last week. (You know what “they” say about too many cooks…) If Kristy’s number isn’t up, Syesha better hope that her very pretty and electric smile saves her fine ass for another week.

I would look for some hard rocking stylings by David Cook and Amanda Overmyer. They’re the edgy ones in this year’s final group.

Oh, and David Archuleta will certainly survive at least several more weeks, inasmuch as the pre-pubescent and early teen girls comprising a large segment of the voting audience are solidly in his camp. His singing had been solid up to the past couple of weeks, but confidence issues suddenly might be getting in the way.

It remains to be seen whether Paula will be lucid or out of it; whether Simon Cowell will spend the evening Scowelling; and whether Seacrest will continue to throw instigating barbs at Simon. If you didn’t read last week’s column, I likened the judges to children: Fat Albert, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and Eddie Haskell.