The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Anticlimactic Final?

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I started watching American Idol at the very end of Season One. In fact, my first taste of it was the results show in which Kelly Clarkson beat out Justin Guarini. ???? ??? Kelly seemed to this Mouse to be the clear winner. In Season Two, I repeated this procedure, as I thought the endless weekly hoopla would bore me and I wanted to cut to the chase. However, there was something lacking as I watched the fat black guy (Ruben Studdard) edge out the gay white guy (Clay Aiken). Having missed the whole season, I thought they were both mediocre and really didn’t know which one was the lesser of two evils. Those two years led me to wonder what went on before the final show, in the season leading up to it.

And, so it was that the next season, Season Three, I decided to watch the whole damn thing from start to finish. That was the less than stellar year in which Fantasia Barrino edged Diana DeGarmo in the final. Have you heard of either of them? I didn’t think so. Have you heard of Jennifer Hudson? She finished seventh. She wuz robbed.

In spite of the vagaries of winner selections, I’ve watched each subsequent season. Verily, it is drivel, but it is mildly entertaining drivel. None of the winners ever suited me until the voters selected David Cook over David Archuleta last year, but that was only because there wasn’t much of a field to choose from and I couldn’t stand the little creepy kid. This year, it has long seemed like Adam Lambert is the forgone conclusion, but the history of the fickle voters suggests that it is a mistake to count out his opponent, Kris Allen, prematurely.

Certainly, Lambert has a set of pipes on him. He can hit the high notes and he sings on key. He’s flamboyant, a showman through and through. However, some of his antics can put off a less than sophisticated audience (and sometimes, even a sophisticated one). He is good looking, but in the words of Artificially Sweetened, “He could be a woman!” Yes, he’s pretty, alright. So, perhaps he’ll lose the so-called homophobic vote out there. The latest rumor about him is that he brought his boyfriend to one of the American Idol dinners. I don’t really give a shit if he’s a fruit, but it might put off some voters.

Allen is probably going to get the Christian vote, although he has stated that he wants to be judged on his voice alone. His voice alone ain’t enough, though. He’s been known to hide behind a piano, and his stage presence is less than awe inspiring. Last week, though, he nailed his second number, which he accompanied on an acoustic guitar. If he can continue to rock the show with the momentum thus established, he’s got an excellent chance. This Mouse thinks Kris can make no mistakes if he wants to win. That means selection of material, arrangements, stage presence, and technical competence all have to be “spot-on”, as Simon would say.

The voters have surprised us in the past. No way did I think Taylor Hicks could ever beat Katharine McPhee in Season Five. There must be a helluva lot of voters in Birmingham, Alabama—that’s all I can say. It would certainly explain Studdard over Aiken and Hicks over McPhee. Of course McPhee was from the San Francisco Bay Area, where they would rather sip chardonnay and watch the gay rights parade on Castro Boulevard than watch American Idol. She was sultry, zaftig, and sexy, and she was sure as hell my idol that year. I think the mature male contingent either refrained from voting or didn’t bother watching. Sorry to go off-topic, but I merely wanted to present an example of the voters’ annoying tendencies to go against my superior judgment.

Back to tonight’s final, who will win? For that, this Mouse feels honored to bring in a distinguished prognosticator, The Nittany Turkey himself. Here’s what that curmudgeonly fowl has to say:

Thanks, Mouse. That brings us to the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for American Idol Season Eight. ??????? ????? But first, let me say that I’m tired of picking up your droppings, so I’m glad you’re going into hibernation for a while after American Idol concludes this season. We won’t be feeding you much until football season, anyway. Oh, and there was a rumor that this Turkey’s mother hen’s cat might be coming for a visit. But I digress. Enough with the annoying little pipsqueak, already, and back to the task at hand. The current gambling line reveals that Adam is the odds-on favorite at 1-3, while Kris is offering a decent payout at 12-5. Allen has the Big Mo on his side coming into this match race—he’s been steadily improving, but he needs to run a perfect race to win.  This Turkey has never been known to bet the chalk in a horse race, and I won’t do so here, either. ???? 1xbet I like the dark horse over the gelding. It’s Kris Allen by a nose.

Danny Go Get Your Keys (Get It?)

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This Mouse will be happily watching Game Seven of the Penguins-Capitals series tonight, so American Idol commentary is left in the capable hands of the intrepid Runnin’ Redhead.

In passing, let me just say that Danny, who had the weakest performances last night, must go. In fact, Danny sucked last week, too. Meanwhile, Kris nailed his second song last night, so he deserves to be in the final with Adam. 1xbet ????

With that, I’ll leave it to the ‘Head.

Two More Weeks!

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No, the groundhog didn’t see his shadow. You get six weeks for that, anyhow. The title refers to the fact that we’re getting down to the short strokes with American Idol’s eight season. This week, we eliminate Danny, and next week we watch the anticlimactic face-off between Kris and Adam, and guess who will win?

Or maybe not.

American Idol’s “voting public” has shown itself to be a fickle aggregation in the past. They tend to do irrational, childish things, because they tend to be irrational children. One year, like lemmings, they let themselves be led over the cliff by over-the-hill shock jock Howard Stern, voting for Sanjaya Malaker as a joke that kept his talentless ministrations on the screen for far too long. Another year, they dumped Jennifer Hudson, who has since won an Oscar.  Somehow, they also managed to create “idols” like Ruben Studdard (over Clay Aiken), Taylor Hicks (over Katharine McPhee), and Jordin Sparks (over Blake Lewis). Who knows what goes through their minds?

I’ve caught a lot of chatter about people disliking Adam Lambert because he’s too cute, too feminine, too slick, whatever. If these nine-to-seventeen year-old voters get something in their mind, they could very well turn the tide of what seems to be an Adam Lambert juggernaut. I guess that’s a good reason to stick with it for the next two weeks, as otherwise, the conclusion is foregone.

Last week, little Allison Iraheta was eliminated. She kind of looked like an orangutan with dyed red hair, and seemed to be trying to perform material that was older than she. Don’t get me wrong — her voice, if not her looks, has potential. However, for now, it often appeared that we were watching a high school presentation. Many people said that the wrong person was eliminated. Oh, yeah? Well, who was the right person, wise guys?

See? I told you you were full of crap!

Tonight, we get to see Adam, Danny, and Kris in all their glory.  If you want to know the truth, I wouldn’t pay good money to see any of them or to listen to their recordings. In fact, there are few among the seven past Idols I could actually say I’ve spent money on. I could count them on both hands (if I don’t count the individual fingers). Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. That’s it. It doesn’t matter, though. At this stage, they all can count on getting a recording contract for at least a couple of bucks. I have a feeling that Adam might piss a few people off with what he does tonight, so go ahead and watch. I’ll be there.